Chapter 2 Feeling bad

DIANA

It took all it had in me not to shed tears while walking back home. I have never felt the urge to walk home this much before.

I needed to calm my nerves, not after encountering the person that broke me. The only man I ever loved but got dumped by him because he saw me unworthy to be by his side.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply before entering my apartment.

“Mummy!“ Ammika called with excitement laced in her tone the moment I entered the apartment.

I smiled at her before kicking my shoes off. She ran from where she sat to come to hug me and I hugged her back.

“My little princess is happy. How was school today?“ I asked her inquisitively as I squat down to her height level.

“Today at school was very fun. We did a spelling bee competition today and I won,“ she said excitedly.

“That’s so nice. That’s my baby girl. You make mummy proud,“ I kissed her on her cheek.

“Welcome home mummy,“ Armani said, coming out of the kitchen with an apron on him and flours all over his body

I gasped, “Armani, what do you think you are doing?“ I asked him, standing back on my feet with my hands on my waist.

He giggled, showing off his teeth stained with chocolate. “I wanted to make dinner for us,“ he said and I groaned mentally.

Armani won’t be the death of me. Ever since he turned four, he always went to the kitchen intending to make breakfast, lunch, or dinner for us but instead, he ends up messing up the entire kitchen and telling me that the food is almost ready.

“I am almost done cooking mummy,“ he told me proudly and I facepalmed myself.

I walked toward him. “Where is Kate?“ I asked him.

Kate was supposed to look at my kids. I pay her to look after them and most especially Armani because he is always wanting to touch everything.

“She left to get something from the store some minutes ago and Armani went into the kitchen even when I reminded him that you told him not to because he cannot cook,“ Ammika answered.

“I can cook,“ Armani retorted with a frown on his face.

I held Armani’s hands. “Armani, you cannot cook. I have told you to stop going into the kitchen. You end up messing everywhere up,“ I scolded lightly and the skin between his brows creased.

“But you haven’t tasted my good yet so how do you know that?“ He replied and I shook my head in disbelief.

Armani might look nothing like his father Albert but he was just as stubborn and persistent as him.

Albert cannot cook but he would never accept that and every time he tries to make food for me, it either gets burnt or doesn’t have a taste.

“Armani, listen to me and listen carefully. You do not know how to cook and stop trying to. That only makes you irresponsible and mummy hates irresponsible boys!“ I chided.

Armani’s face changed. I watched as tears formed in his eyes and I realized just what I had done.

I had raised my voice on him because of a little memory of his father that resurfaced in my head.

Armani began to cry. “I don’t like you any more mummy,“ he said to me before running away from me with tears in his eyes.

I rake my hair with my fingers frustratingly, realizing what I had just done. I passed the anger I felt for his father on to him and now I feel bad for my actions.

“I’m so sorry Diana, I had to rush to get some tampons from the store.“

I heard Kate’s words from behind me and I turned to face her.

“What happened?“ Kate asked, noticing the silence in the room.

“It’s nothing. Thanks for today and you can go home, for now, I am back home,“ I told her and she nodded her head.

“Bye Ammika,“ she said.

“Bye Kate,“ Ammika replied.

“Where is Armani?“ She asked Ammika.

“He went to his room,“ Ammika said.

“Okay, tell him I sent my kisses,“ she said before walking out of the door.

“Come on Ammika, it’s time to sleep,“ I said to her.

After tucking Ammika into the bed, I went to Armani’s room to check on him.

By the time I got to Armani’s room, he was sleeping. I felt my chest tighten while staring at him. I felt bad for making him cry.

While Armani hardly does what he is told, Ammika does all that she is told. Armani reminded me a lot of Albert but I never scolded him so harshly as I did until tonight and I blame Albert for it.

I climbed on the bed and lay beside him. “I’m sorry my baby. I am very sorry,“ I kissed him on his cheek with tears in my eyes.

“You have been doing fine Diana, you will be fine,“ I said to myself, hoping it would console me but it didn’t.

The wounds that took so long to heal opened again and it hurts all over again. I felt the same pain I felt when he dumped me.

I felt the same pain all over again. I exhaled deeply, trying to not feel pain but I couldn’t. Memories of the past flashed in my head and I hated it.

I hated that my past haunted me like a nightmare. For the first two years, I couldn’t close my eyes without being haunted by that night. The night where all my misery started from.

“I love you so much Diana and I promise to never break your heart.“

The lies that came out of his mouth resurfaced in my head and I bit my inner cheek to control myself. I didn’t want to remember. I refuse to remember the lies he said to me. The promises he made to me and I refuse to remember that night.

I stared at my Armani. “You won’t ever be like him. You are mummy’s responsible boy. I love you with all my heart.“ I kissed him on his forehead.