** Candice **All during chemistry, I felt Brad's eyes on me and it seemed like forever before class was over. I wish I were like other, normal girls, excited to have the attention of an attractive guy. But I simply can't have him right now-not when my life is shit. My head won't allow it even though my heart doesn't understand. I've never had roots and I sure as hell don't think we'll stick around here long enough for them to grow. I wait for most of the students to leave before I try to stand because I'm pretty sure I'll need a second. I have no doubt I'll look like I'm a hundred for the first few steps. The pain in my lower back isn't as bad as it was at the beginning of class, but the last thing I want is to draw attention to myself. I'll risk being tardy.As I leave the room I see Brad standing outside the door and I make the mistake of looking up at him. His lips curl up and for a split second, I can't remember why I told myself to stay away from him."Need some help fin
If it weren't for my desire to go to college, I probably would've bailed on Mom already. But I need her, even if she is a complete mess. There's no way I can get an apartment on my own and also support myself. So I'll follow her rules until May. I don't have a choice, no matter where we end up. I promised myself a while back that I would bust my ass and keep up my grade point average. I just hope it's enough to get some kind of academic scholarship. I know I won't go to Princeton or anything, but any state college will do. And whichever one puts the most miles between my mother and I will be the one I choose.I'm a few blocks away from the school, looking up at the enormous pine trees, when I hear what sounds like a voice or maybe my name-I can't be sure. But I definitely heard something. I stop and scan the area, searching for someone who might have called for me, trying to figure out who would even know me. But there's no one around. The house I'm stopped in front of looks like
I sit with my back against the wall for a while, adjusting myself to stay in the light as I watch the sun move across the room. I'm so relaxed I have to fight to keep my eyes open; I can feel myself drifting in and out. It doesn't take long for my lids feel like lead so I give in, feeling completely tranquil until my mind begins replaying the events from this morning with Mom. I can even smell the cigarettes and booze on her breath. I'm bracing myself for another smack when the scene suddenly changes and I see my father pushing me on a park swing. I'm maybe only five years old and I'm laughing as I beg him to push me harder. When he does, I instantly fall off, his voice screaming my name, becoming its own echo. I look up and can't see my dad anywhere because a black mist forms from the ground up, blacking out my vision. It's so dark that panic starts rising in my stomach because I know I'm alone. I hear my name and watch as the mist slowly begins to morph into the shape of a man. My
** Candice **I race back to the apartment, hoping-no, praying-my mother isn't home. Or at the very least, passed out from a night of drinking. But no such luck. The kitchen light is on and I can see her through the window, sitting at the table with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. My stomach drops. I'm in for it now.I want to turn around and run but I know I'll have to face her eventually. I slowly open the door and calmly walk over to the table, scooting back a chair as I sit across from her. Hopefully there will be enough space for me to avoid a slap-or worse.She doesn't say a word; she simply stares at me, cocking her head to the side as if in serious contemplation on how to murder me. I'll try my best not to set her off; I don't want to say anything she could use against me. She's already fond of that little trick, but I have to come up with something. Anything to break the solid block of ice hanging between us. She reaches for her whiskey glass, pulling
The alarm goes off and I wake up in the same position I was in when I got into bed. I don't remember falling asleep or dreaming at all. My book is open on my chest, but it's like I woke up from a black hole of nothing.Shrugging it off, I pull my body of out bed and make my way to the mirror. The first thing I notice is Mom's handprint on my face. It's not nearly as red as it was last night, but it's still slightly warm to the touch and definitely noticeable. Fortunately, I've become a master at applying concealer and I can make almost any mark disappear. Hopefully no one will notice. But, to be safe, I should definitely wear my hair down.Swiping a dab of foundation on my cheek, I blend it in, trying not to press too hard. The bruise is deep and will take a while to go away. Mom still has a wicked right hook, even dead drunk. I shake away the growing pity party. It's a waste of time to feel sorry for myself. I'm like Mom in that way because after she divorced Dad, it toughened her
I nod and try not to blurt out something stupid. The first time I met him, my anxiety was on high alert...or maybe I was too preoccupied to notice he was anything more than just a cute guy. But now, with him sitting so close, looking at me with those ridiculous brown eyes, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. So I do what any apprehensive, eighteen-year-old girl sitting in a car next a hot guy would do. Absolutely nothing. I just sit, waiting for him to start talking, hoping the awkward moment will pass."So, where do you live?" he asks, dropping his gaze down to my lips."We." I pause, trying to ignore the fact that he's looking at my mouth. "My mom and I just moved here. We haven't found a house yet, so we're staying at the Nantucket apartments." Which is my standard answer, the "looking for a house" part. It feels less pathetic than admitting we'll probably never live in a house again. I hadn't noticed until now that I look at my hands when I lie. I glance back up and he's still
** Brad **I practically gave myself whiplash when her blond hair caught my eye on the way to school this morning. I knew it was Candice before she even looked at me. The way she walked, the way she carried herself, I could spot her from a mile away. She seemed preoccupied and I hated the look on her face when she asked if I was giving her a ride out of pity. I couldn't help noticing there was something behind those blue eyes that was troubling her. Just thinking about it pulls at my gut. I had to set things right and let her know that was the last thing I thought. Hopefully I didn't push it too far. It's hard to hold back with a girl like her. I wanted to kiss her so badly but I could tell she's not ready for that. The intensity of the feelings I have for her are beyond crazy. It's like I'm under some kind of spell. I've never been so attracted so quickly to any girl like this before. I thought I needed a break from chicks all together after Sarah and I split up. I couldn't stand
** Candice **I'm about to walk into my third period class when I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I see my counselor, Mrs. Stephens, staring at me with a concern in her eyes."Hi, Candice. Are you finding all your classes?" "Oh, yes, thanks." "Great!" she says with a troubled look on her face. I'm not sure that's what she really wanted to ask.What's going on with her?"That's good. I just..." She stops, dropping her eyes to my cheek, then back to me. Shit.She takes me by the arm, leading me toward the ladies' room like we're about to have a secret meeting, stopping once we're inside. "Is everything all right, honey?" she whispers with a new look of concern.My hand goes directly to my bruised cheek as if covering it up will make her forget what she saw. "Uh huh...everything's fine," I lie, watching her face contort, because I'm sure she knows I'm lying.As if dismissing my words, she says, "You know I'm here to help, right?" I nod, not meeting her eyes."