Returning to Ashmore high school after a day of being sick is not fun. I miss two days of school, and the amount of homework I have is the equivalent of filling out two or three college applications.
I miss summer. I want to read my favorite novels beside the pool. Sure, summer is boring, and I usually long for it to be over with. But after the strange, terrible start to this school year, I am ready to graduate and be on my way.
"Lily, welcome back. It's not like you to be sick. Are you feeling better?" Mr. Cronkwright says.
I hold my textbooks on my desk. The lead in my pencil is missing. My pencil case has Harry Potter glasses stitched in a pattern on its exterior. It's proof that I am a proud nerd.
"Yes. I am a lot better. I will turn this homework in after the weekend."
Mr. Cronkwright lowers his glasses. His grey-blue eyes show their concern.
"Don't rush your assignments. You were sick for two days. It's Friday, you know. Did your mother tell you that Jeremy Davis is your partner for the peer tutoring program?"
"Yeah, about that? I thought I was the president and had the final say in the matter." I remind him of our arrangement. I was under the impression that presidents of school clubs had certain rights and privileges, but perhaps that is not the case.
"The principal decided that it would be better for the program if he made the partner list himself. And given your lovely display with Mr. Davis in Brit Lit the other day, it's also been decided that you two need to learn how to play nicely."
"No offense, Mr. Cronkwright, but this school sucks. I can't be partnered with Jeremy. He and I don't see eye to eye. We would fight more than tutor. He's a very judgmental person."
"And you're not? In the last thirty seconds, all I've heard from you is your complaints. The decision is final, Lily Green. You may go. Don't forget to meet Jeremy for the tutoring program at 3:15 pm sharp."
I cross my arms as a signal of my inner protest. I would quit being a tutor altogether if it didn't look good on my college applications. But unfortunately, colleges are looking my way now, and my life is an audition to impress them with my involvement and overachievement. Maybe being a detention reject would have been better; at least people would ignore me and expect nothing from me.
Mr. Cronkwright leaves the homeroom classroom. The bell to begin the day dings and rings. I pick up my belongings and head for the front doors of the school.
"Well...well, if it isn't, Train Tracks in motion. Nice Harry Potter pencil case: what are you eleven? If you're looking for Platform Nine and three quarters...Don't bother; they don't accept muggles like you," Kelly smirks while twirling a strand of her curly brown locks in her hand.
Alexa and Tia click their heels with impatience.
"For someone who thinks I'm a nerd...you sure know a lot about Harry Potter, yourself there, Kelly."
In fact, in the fifth grade, the KAT trio all dressed up in Harry Potter costumes to go to the movie theatre. At the time, the theatre re-released the first two movies for a weekend. They wore their costumes all day at school and cast their spells on our class with their muggle wands, which were chopsticks. It was cute back then, but now Kelly is too cool for the rest of us. She leads the hallways with her oppression and pride.
If a female lioness protects its pride. That's what Kelly is, the alpha lion pouncing and preying on the rest of the school. It's important to never reveal a weakness to a lion. If they find it out, they will devour it with their jaws.
"Watch it, nerd. We heard all about your tutoring program with Jeremy. It's kind of pathetic how you want to be his therapist."
Kelly stomps her foot in place as a means of intimidation. I stomp mine back. I am tired of being her victim. It's about time someone stood up to Kelly.
"I love being a therapist. My schedule is wide open if you're looking for one yourself. How does Monday at four sound Kelly?"
"Is that a threat, Train Tracks?"
"Only if you want it to be." I egg her on because she deserves all the shit to be thrown her way.
"I've been waiting for this day, you know. The moment little Train Tracks grew up and stood up to me. Took you long enough, late bloomer. I will see you Monday at four. And don't forget to ask your mom to bring her camera."
My mother's I*******m photo is going to haunt me for generations to come. At this rate, it will end up in the yearbook. Not that anyone looks at those. But the point is I will go down in history as the Ashmore Highschool reject poster child. And that is the last thing I want.
"See you at four, Kelly."
I walk away. I give her no satisfaction. If I did, it would mean I've lost, and I've exposed my weakness to a lioness. But today, I've worn camouflage and have hidden my true agenda—revenge of the KAT trio.
The rest of Friday is slow. My pencil erases my sketches of castles and Mickey mouse ears. My mechanical pencil has lost its lead a lot today. I fish around in my pencil case and replace the lead. A piece of chewing gum is in my pencil case. I take it out and smack the hell out of it during study hall.
I'm an honor student, and we all know what that means. I get special privileges. Honor students have access to the teacher's lounge. We can help ourselves to their coffee machine and pop supply. I help myself to a Dr. Pepper.
I continue doodling and drawing worlds away from my own. In each class, I doodle and tap my pen. Finally, the last bell rings, and 3:15 pm means it's time for the peer tutoring program.
I'm not ready to see Jeremy Davis. He's the Green Knight, and I am Sir Gawain. But, at some point, we will have another verbal fight. I just know it.
I sit at the table and get out a romance novel. As I turn the pages, the clock ticks louder and louder. It's 3:35 pm. He's not coming. I am going home.
"Where are you going, Lily," Mr. Cronkwright asks?
"I am leaving. Jeremy isn't here. I'll look for him. I think I know where he's hiding."
"Good idea. That's why you are the president of the club. You are willing to go on a hunt for the sake of education. Nothing will stop you from working."
Are adults always this passionate about education? Or is Mr. Cronkwright just this eccentric on purpose?
My backpack is digging into my shoulders. The autumn breeze sways the trees and pushes me back. I walk to the only place Jeremy can be found, the big, large tree at Harris Park.
I climb the ladder, and sure enough, Jeremy is sitting, with tears streaming down his face. His black hair is covering his face.
"Go away. I'm not tutoring today."
He attempts to kick me out of the tree. I get past him and climb to the top where I sat the first day we met.
"What's wrong, Jeremy? Forget the tutoring program. What going on with you?"
Wow, I really do sound like a therapist. Maybe I have different career aspirations after all.
"Why do you care? Just leave. And don't act all innocent. I know you ratted me out."
Now I have no idea what he's talking about. So, I reach for his arm, and I notice fresh blood dripping from his sleeves when I do.
Blood continues to drip down his sleeves. Do I pretend I never saw it? Do I say something?"You've been hurt. Let me get a few band-aids from my bag. Then, you can help yourself."I hand Jeremy the band-aids. I pull out my book and begin reading. It's none of my business unless he makes it my business. Jeremy doesn't strike me as the sort to cry out for help. Even if he did want my help, would I be able to give it to him?"Do you want to go to the zoo with me," Jeremy asks?"The zoo? Are you serious? What does that have to do with anything?""You seem like you need some fun. And I work there.""You want me to come and watch you work
Senior year is looking up, and I finally have a friend. So, I guessSir Gawain and the Green Knight won't have to battle it out to the death after all. Instead, perhaps they will sign a treaty and form an alliance.Our time at the zoo ends, and I have made it through the first inner wall of Jeremy Davis. After that, he will be a maze to walk through. There will be obstacles in my way and hoops to jump through. I only hope that Jeremy is a kind soul with an entire life ahead of him."Would you like to help me at the zoo next week?" Jeremy asks sheepishly, like asking his new friend to hang out is a crime."Sure. Sounds great. But in return, you will need to study hard and work when I tell you to. That tutoring program is about graduating, and I am going to get you there."
What is kissing but falling in love with lips? I've never been kissed before. I never knew if I would like it or hate it. So, if kissing Jeremy back means anything, in the least, it means I liked it. Maybe even a little."Are you having fun yet?" Jeremy asks."It was alright. It's just lip-smacking, at best.""It's no secret that you've never been kissed before, Lily Green."As usual, Mr. Chaucer has caught me in an observation. How long has he been watching me, like a guardian angel perched on my shoulder?"How would you know? Maybe kissing boys is a side business of mine."Sarcasm was never my best suit. Sure, I can do it, but it
The trees blow around in the night. The black night is upon us, and the whispers of the stars hide our secrets.I've spent the whole day with Jeremy. I don't know his back story despite hanging out, and he doesn't know mine. His life is his own."Do you like libraries," Jeremy asks?I already know Jeremy knows I love books. But, escaping into a world beyond our own is the best feeling in the world. Leaving my life behind to follow characters on their journey is the only way I know how to breathe."I love reading. I'm a bit of a romance novel fan and an avid comic book reader."Jeremy goes into his bag and pulls out oldBatmancomics. He hands them to me.
By the third period, my stomach aches. I convince Mr. Cronkwright to send me to the nurse. I lie down for the fourth period. The nurse decides to send me home. Bullying is a thing I always shrugged off. It's something my parents don't know about. I have always kept it to myself.I used to get stomach ulcers in elementary school and middle school. I got used to the acid. Vomit destroyed my throat. The doctors couldn't pinpoint the issue to bullying. I told them my life at school was fine. They blamed it on stress and my attitude to achieve high marks in all my subjects.My parents sent me to therapy. It didn't help. So, I didn't open up. That's the way it is. If you talk about bullying, something terrible might happen or worse.Having things get worse is the last place I want to be. But now we are in the age of Instagram, and bullying is eternal in the dark places of the net. I am sure if one dug deep enough, my middle school humiliation photos are everywhere.
Bullying feels like a dance between two people. The dance-off is between the bully and the victim. It's hard to see the other people around us if we are bullied.When Kelly taunts me, her gang of defenders encourages the fight. Alexa and Tia would be nothing without Kelly. What would Kelly be like without them? I sometimes wonder what would happen if it really were just Kelly and I, alone one on one. The world would turn in my favor and shift towards my needs.That would sure be the day. But it is not today. Not today by any means.My parents don't know about Jeremy. They don't know that I've kissed a boy. If mom knew it would be in the family scrapbook by now, among my other milestones. Or on some embarrassing Instagram post.My mind thinks back to Jeremy and the simple kiss we shared. Did it mean anything to him? To me? I am not sure what we are, but it's a good feeling for now.His story haunts me. How can a mother become violent and snap at the
I spend the day worrying about Jeremy. I check my phone every class to make sure all social media platforms are clear of his church burning news.The fly on the wall is watching me with his millions of eyes. Those eyes follow me everywhere. If one hair is out of place, Kelly will either post our first kiss video, or she will let the school know Jeremy is a pyromaniac. Either way, she wins. She's on top, like the Bitch Queen of the Nile."What have you decided, Train Tracks? It's embarrassing either way. Either let me have my fun after school, or you and Jeremy can be an embarrassing couple of Instagram, or he can just go to prison now. The choice is yours, really."Kelly taps her foot and crosses her arms. Her lips smack with the sound of her chewing gum. She tilts her neck and smirks her lips. She's fierce."I'll see you after school," I reply, not knowing what else to do or say. Saying anything to stop her is pointless. If I were a witch, I'd cast a spe
Egg yolk and flour mix in clumps all over me. This is how an unmixed pancake must feel. I don't know how I am going to scrape all this off. Good thing I left my backpack in my locker. The school is closed. I'll have to get my phone later. And I think my keys are in there too. Perfect, just perfect.I wish I had been with Jeremy at the zoo. We could have been swimming with the dolphins by now. The base of the big tree has one spot left, one spot left where they didn't paint all over it. I don't know how Kelly and her posse managed to get away with graffiti in broad daylight. She probably started the fire in the church and somehow framed Jeremy for it. Maybe I should visit the ruins of the Vineyard Church and do some digging for the truth myself.I cry under the base of the tree. The snot of the egg yolk and flour dust make me cough. I can barely see through either substance.A loud car muffler stops a few meters away from the big tree. I wonder if people have pai