Derek was still watching me hesitantly, like he was afraid I might be judging him.That was the exact same way I’d felt before, when he’d asked me what I wanted out of life. Afraid of judgment. Afraid of being made fun of.Only difference was, he’d opened up to me, totally and completely.“That was really beautiful,” I said softly.He relaxed. “Thanks,” he said, and flashed that sexy, charming grin.I think it was the grin that broke the spell.I went from seeing the magic and wonder of a child entranced by music, to seeing the incredibly good-looking guy who knew all the girls were into him.I mean, I still felt like everything he’d said to me was real… but for the first time, I considered the possibility that it had also been a performance.I gave him an impish little smile. “And you’ve never told that story to any other girl, have you.”“No. Never,” he said solemnly, though he nodded his head ‘yes’ as he said it.I laughed – at least he was honest (or semi-honest) about his bullsh
Glen stared at me like I’d just turned down a million dollars for doing nothing more than writing a book report.“What?” he asked, stunned.“No,” I croaked, fully aware I was throwing away the best opportunity of my career thus far. Maybe even the best opportunity of my entire career, even if it lasted four decades. “Sorry.”“You do understand what I’m offering you, right?”“To write an article on Derek Kane.”“And the band,” Glen stressed, as though that might be the piece of information I had overlooked.“Yeah. No thank you.”“Not just a half-page fluff piece – I’m talking a full-on, six-page spread. I mean, if you turn in a good enough story, we’re potentially talking the cover.”“Yeah. Thank you, but no.”The longer he stared at me, the more his disbelief turned to anger. “You do realize that is a one in a million offer, right? You don’t just get handed the cover of Rolling Stone – not when you’re some unknown writer a year out of college. I mean, you realize that, right?”“Yes, a
Shanna was cold as ice to me the next morning – and it wasn’t just her hangover. She gave me the glare of death the entire time I was getting ready, though she didn’t say anything.Finally I turned around and blurted out, “I didn’t sleep with him.”“What a coincidence,” she sneered. “Neither did I.”I hustled out of there as fast as possible and went to my English class.I know Shanna was pissed, and she had every right to be – but it’s not like I’d wangled a hot new boyfriend out of the deal.In fact, I was absolutely sure I would never see him again. Not like ‘see’ as in ‘go out on a date with,’ either.‘See’ as in ‘run into around town.’I had resigned myself to that fact for many reasons.He was an incredibly good-looking guy (incredibly good-looking), in a band, cool, charismatic, funny, surprisingly smart – and he was used to picking up women and sleeping with them the same night. He’d had a brief interruption the previous night, that was all. For whatever reason, he had aband
I threw him out of the room and hurriedly switched into a pair of jeans, a nice blouse, and a pair of suede boots, and then walked with him down to the student center.It was a gorgeous spring day – warm but not hot, and blissfully free of humidity. The dogwoods were in bloom, and everything else was green and bursting with life. People were out biking, jogging, lounging on the grass, basically doing anything to soak up the great weather. The entire way to the student center I walked beside him, talking and laughing, but I couldn’t stop from watching the way he moved. Even though he was a rocker wannabe, he moved like an athlete – long, powerful strides, confident, relaxed. I also saw his ass in motion for the first time.Daaaaaaaaamn.Let’s just say his jeans were packed in all the right ways, and were tight in exactly the right places.Added to that, I caught his scent for the first time. Well, the first pleasant scent. Not the dank beer and cigarette smell when he and Shanna came
I was about two hundred feet down the sidewalk when he caught up with me.“Wait! Wait – I’m sorry!” he said. He turned around and walked backwards so he could face me as he talked. “Was it something I said?” he grinned.I shot him a death glare.He put up his hands to ward it off. “Okay, yes, obviously it was what I said – ”“Women are not just sexual playthings for your amusement.”“I know that,” he said, a little taken aback.“Not from the way you act.”“Look, I’m just a sexual person – ”“Who’s only interested in fucking me?”“Whoa! Whoa, hold on there, potty mouth!” he laughed.“Oh – I’m a potty mouth, Mr. ‘Every other word out of my mouth is fuckin’ this and fuckin’ that’? Why am I a potty mouth, because I’m a girl?”“Hey – hey,” he said, his voice suddenly soothing. He moved beside me and touched my arm, but I shook him off roughly.“Please, will you just listen to me?” he asked, his voice low.“Go ahead and talk, it’s a free country,” I snarled.“Look… I think you’re absolute
I thought about it all night and all the next morning.Spending any more time with Derek was a bad idea. I knew this. That was not in question.But Kevin was still pouting and hadn’t called me back – so technically, whatever I did wouldn’t be cheating.For the record, I knew that was a total copout. I didn’t even think it held water as an excuse.…but it was, technically, correct.And it gave me a certain amount of psychological cover to play ‘What If.’At the end of the day, I could always scream like Ross on Friends, “We were on a BREAK!”But I still knew I was getting back together with Kevin. I was, there was no question in my mind of that.And anything I did with Derek would be cheating, technicality or not.But……if we never kissed……and we never touched……and we never had sex……was it really cheating?Of course it was. It was ‘emotional’ cheating.But since Kevin and I were broken up, ‘emotional’ cheating seemed like it wasn’t really cheating at all.And if I kept things in con
I was expecting our destination to be a nasty, old rundown shack sandwiched in between crack houses. And I was expecting Derek’s bandmate to be a drugged-out, long-haired scuz that we would wake up when we got there.I couldn’t have been more wrong.As I drove my beat-up Toyota, Derek directed me out to the suburbs. That is, when he wasn’t chatting with a newly friendly Shanna. We finally turned into a very pretty, upper-middle-class neighborhood with manicured lawns and kids playing out in the street.We pulled up in front of a brick McMansion with a long driveway that ended on the side of the house. “Whoa, your bassist lives here?” Shanna asked.“Yeah. Nice, huh?” Derek agreed.There was a new Honda sitting in front of a basketball hoop. I started to park beside it when Derek stopped me.“Park behind it – his parents aren’t home from work yet, and we don’t want to get blocked in.”His parents aren’t home from work yet?“He lives with his parents?” Shanna asked, once again voicing
They ended up taking requests for quite a while. Shanna really wanted to hear something by Katy Perry, so they did “I Kissed A Girl,” with Derek and Shanna singing together on the chorus. Shanna was giddy. It was really interesting hearing the song where one half was in a deep male voice. And uncomfortably sexy whenever Derek would look at me while singing.I have to admit, it also freaked me out a little to hear my roommate – who had seen me half-naked more times than I could count – singing a song about being bi-curious.Ryan switched instruments to mimic the deeper, driving notes of the backup music.He’d been good on acoustic, but he was outstanding on bass guitar.Afterwards, I teased Derek a little. “I didn’t know you liked Katy Perry.”“Ryan’s little sisters love Katy Perry, so we do it for them,” Derek said, scowling at me for impugning his manliness.I wasn’t sure how I felt about ten-year-olds (or however old they were) being huge fans of “I Kissed A Girl.” It made it even