I stroll into the kitchen, throwing open the cabinets and fridge. Good - we have the stuff I need to make some chocolate chip pancakes. After I get out the ingredients, I get some coffee going, too. As Lucy likes to say, "When life hands you lemons, make coffee." Things are always easier when you're properly caffeinated.Alex left his mom's birthday barbecue for you, I remind myself as I get out the mixing bowl. Your apology is going to need a lot more than pancakes and coffee.I'll promise to buy him some more whiskey, for starters - though I'm afraid the fancy stuff he drinks now will completely drain my bank account. I'll probably need to do something for his mom, too. Poor Norah is probably wondering what the hell happened."Do I smell coffee?" comes a cheerful voice.When I look up, Lucy is there, her hair up in a messy bun and a terrycloth bathrobe thrown over her tank top and pajama bottoms.Shit. Lucy is normally a late sleeper on the weekends - she works as a waitress at

Alex's words echo in my head, making me shiver: "I don't have sex with drunk women. I prefer them to remember their nights with me."But I don't want him to think I'm being weird or anything, so I give a light laugh. "That's good to know. I still need to apologize, though, and breakfast is just a start. I want to get your mom something. I didn't mean to drag you away from her party."He studies me over his fork. "That's not necessary. My mom was concerned for you. She understands.""You didn't tell her - ""She knows that you're okay. But if you're asking what she knows about what happened between you and Wes, then she knows nothing more than anyone else at the party."Which is more than enough. I prop my elbows on the counter, burying my face in my hands."They know just enough to make this extra fun for me," I say, my voice muffled by my hands. "I should have just worn that stupid fucking ring to the party. Or at least had a good lie planned." I lift up my face just enough so t

The memory of last night becomes crisper and more focused every minute.I remember waking in the middle of the night. Realizing that I was snuggled right up against someone else. Noticing slowly, bit by bit, that it wasn't Wes - even in my state of half-sleep, I knew my ex-fiancé's smell. And whoever I was pressed up against smelled quite different.It didn't take me very long to realize it was Alex, or to remember why he was there. I think I must have still been pretty damn drunk at that point, because rather than roll away from him - what I should have done immediately - I found myself snuggling closer, hungry for the physical contact.I don't know if Alex was still asleep at that point, but he seemed to press closer to me, too, his arm tightening around me. Alex and I have shared plenty of physical contact before, but this was different.At some point he woke up, too. I don't remember exactly when, but I remember him shifting slightly. Remember him asking if I was okay, if I nee

"Shit, are things really that bad?" I ask Lucy. How am I ever going to show my face again?"Just keep your head down, and they'll get over it soon enough," my roommate tells me. "Who cares what they think, anyway? You're not the one who did anything wrong. They'll figure out you aren't pregnant when you don't pop out a baby nine months from now.""I know, I just..." I shake my head. "I just hate that other people are talking about this. I hate it. It's hard enough without them.""That's what wine is for - and what I'm here for. So go ahead - scream your head off. Cry your eyes out. I won't judge, I promise. In fact, I'll probably join in.""You know what's funny?" I tell her. "I haven't cried a single drop since I found out. I'm pissed at him - so pissed that sometimes I can't even think straight - but I haven't felt like crying at all. Is something wrong with me?""Something's wrong with all of us," Lucy says with a shrug. "But I don't know. People deal with these things differen

Maybe if I make Alex pancakes every morning for a year, I might begin to pay him for what he's done.I tried to tell myself I could survive my breakup in Haverton, but sometimes life has a way of beating you over the head with the truth when you're being too stubborn to see it yourself. Alex offered me an escape - and the moment I made the commitment to go, I realized just how perfect that escape would be.I'd be escaping the rumors and busybodies, of course, as well as my well-meaning mom. But this impromptu trip will also get me away from my normal life for a bit, something I didn't realize I so desperately needed until the opportunity was right in front of me. I mean, this breakup has turned my entire life upside-down - a fact that's still sinking in - and I need to take some power back. I was about to get married. Commit the rest of my life to someone else. Now I'm free. I want to live it up. Do something crazy. Embrace the unknown.And what better place to do that than in a pen