*Ana*
“Have you ever considered taking a pen pal, Ana?” Maddie uses my nickname to grab my attention.
We are walking through the rose garden. It’s the garden of the late Empress Pasul, my mother. It’s the only remains of her reign. Everything else was destroyed, as is the custom in Nochten to purge anything of the dead.
Maybe it’s because of that superstition that no one visits this place. It stays deserted save for when I come. I guess no one else finds the roses pretty.
Well, except for Maddie. She seems to like them as much as I do.
“Penpal?” I repeat. Maddie is holding up a rose to investigate. She acts like she doesn’t hear me.
What are you going on about now? I am curious.
It’s grown into a month now since Maddie joined me. But it doesn’t feel like much time has passed. Everything seems fresh and serene- and Maddie is still odd.
She never seems to run out of questions.
Maddie always has something for me. If she isn’t talking, she has questions. And they are strange ones. But in a way, I don’t hate them.
It feels nice to have her attention.
“Why would I do that?”
"Why do you think so?" Maddie leans down to fluff my hair. I lean away, unfamiliar with touching, but she stretches her arm further.
Maddie seems to like touching me. Yet another thing that makes her odd. No one else dares to touch me. It’s like I have some wall around me.
“Stop,” I shift away, but Maddie plops her hand over my head. I feel the warmth on my scalp. It makes me grow calm.
“To make a friend, you silly goose.” Maddie goes on with a pat.
“Who would want to do that?” I can’t fathom it. I had never had to write to anyone else before. I don’t have anyone to write to.
Let alone who will want to write to me back.
“You’re the one being silly, Maddie.”
“Smart-ass,” Maddie laughs. I’m struck by her casual swearing- again, no one dares do that around me. But there she is, moving on past me like it was nothing.
"Wait..." I start after her, and my cheeks grow hot as I try to run to catch up.
Maddie slows her step to wait for me as I struggle to get up. I’ve never been good at running so it takes me longer to reach her side. But when I do, I’m rewarded- she reaches to take my hand.
What? I hesitate. The gesture is still slightly foreign to me. However, Maddie likes to and does when she can.
I regard her hand before gingerly moving. I take it, and she smiles. Her big fingers curl around mine. Her hands are warm, and that heat climbs up my arm. It’s nice.
“You never know. It can be quite fun.” Maddie winks.
“But I don’t have anyone to write to,”
“Yes, you do.” Maddie chirps, But I shake my head. No, I don’t. I know I don’t. Everyone I know is here- and I can go talk to them if I want. But I don’t.
However, Maddie nods her head.
“Who would that be?” The question makes Maddie smile even wider.
“Well, what about your Father?”
At that, I freeze up as I’ve stepped into a shadow. Maddie glances over to see that I’ve paused.
“Don’t joke like that.”
“Don’t you ever wonder what your father could be thinking about?” Maddie speaks.
"Why would I?"
I don’t like this question and want to stop. I let go of her hand and folded mine over my stomach. I look at the roses so I don’t have to meet her gaze.
“Maybe your Father could be thinking about you?” Maddie presses on.
“I’m tired of talking,” I snap and march ahead as I feel tears come up. But I keep walking, and they go away over time.
“What about your brother?” Maddie threw the question while we were in the study.
“Don’t you want to see the Prince?”
I groan under my breath.
I don’t want to talk about this. And I’ve told her- but Maddie isn’t understanding me. Or she refuses. How does she not get tired of it?
“Maddie, please,”
“It’s study time.”
"So?" Maddie moves to take a seat beside me. She leans over to drag the book to her as if to read. But with one look at the picture-less page filled with algebra equations, Maddie gags and pushes it back.
"Good grief! How can you read this stuff?"
"Easily," I laugh at her expression.
"I could teach you if you like."
"NO. THANKS." Maddie rolls her eyes.
Thinking that the end of the discussion, I start jotting down some notes. The quill scratches the paper in the silence.
This is nice. I find the break quite peaceful. But it doesn’t last as Maddie can’t seem to keep quiet for long periods of time.
“Prince Nicoli has never gotten to meet you, Ana.”
I flinch when I hear the name.
“Maddie…”
Just let it go.
“I am just saying,” Maddie stands from the table.
“You might deny him the chance to have a big sister.” And to drive down the point, she rustles my hair before walking out.
I frown as I watch her leave me alone. It makes my stomach feel itchy. But the itch comes from the inside.
Am I denying him? The question lingers like an itch.
"No, it's study time," I won’t entertain the idea.
I just wanna read. I return to my book to block out any more thoughts, but it doesn’t last long. I lose my focus as the words start to shift on the paper. It frustrates me, and I shut the book and lean back in my chair.
Now she’s messing with my study time. All these damn questions.
“I wish she’d stop.” I look up at the ceiling. But the sight doesn’t stop the intrusive thought from wandering back in.
Am I?
“He could be eager to see you, your Empress.” Maddie, again, goes for the umpteenth time. The question is completely unprovoked.
We are in the rose garden again. Summer has passed, and it is a beautiful autumn day. There is a soft breeze that plays with the strands of my hair.
But I have no fear of it tangling. Maddie has styled my hair with a braid that wraps around my head. It reminds me of a crown.
“Maddie, must we right now?” I protest, but it’s weak. I’m just tired of the onslaught of her questions by now. She is relentless about the topic.
We both sit crossed-legged on the blanket. Our little picnic finished a while ago, but we remain idle until it’s time for the court to begin. And Maddie has taken it upon herself to push roses into my hair. I watch her reach over to pluck another off the bush.
“Prince Nicoli may be thinking of you right now,” Maddie goes.
“And how would you know that?” I push away her hand. My voice is clearly doubtful because I am.
“There has not been a single word from Dawny. Not father, not anyone.” I look down at the blanket to see a small beetle dare cross the blanket. I cross his path with my finger and carry him back to the grass.
“Four years, I’ve been here and nothing.” The beetle crawls back into the blades to disappear.
“My poor Ana,” Maddie pats my head. She grows quite as if in thought. I relish the pause. I wish we could sit here together and not talk about it.
I like Maddie at this point. And I like spending time with her. It’s nice and warm.
But I don’t like the questions and am tired of fighting.
“Sometimes time can make things much harder to do- more so the older you get.”
“What do you mean?” I look with a mix of mistrust and hope.
“That Papa- No, the King wants to talk to me?”
“Maybe the King’s waiting on you to act first.” Maddie reaches to push a strand of hair behind my pointy ears. The act shifts a rose out of my hair and falls down. I watch it bounce and land on its side.
“For me to act first?”
“I don’t know about this, Maddie.” I have my hand on the quill. The tip is dipped in fresh ink and drips a little on the parchment.
But I can’t help but keep hesitating. The white paper looks back at me with a mocking grin. I’m scared to touch it.
“Can’t I just-“
“Come on, Ana!” Maddie cheers. She shakes my shoulders playfully.
”You know I won’t give up until you do.” Maddie winks.
“I know,”
Never a day has passed that Maddie doesn’t bring it up. She has an ungodly ability to mention it- how they must miss me- they are waiting to hear from me.
If I didn’t cave at this point, I might have gone insane from the onslaught.
For the sake of peace and sanity. I will. If just for that.
I just hope after, Maddie will calm down, and we will return to our usual lives.
I reach back for the quill but stop again. I know I said I would write, but I can’t help but feel reserved. It’s scary. This is scary for me.
I never had to write to someone. And I don’t know what will happen next.
Thinking about them, Ana sighed wearily.
“Maddie, I don’t think I should do this,” I lower the quill with a heavy exhale.
“Just a simple letter, Ana.” Maddie gives a reassuring squeeze. It hurts a little because I’m sitting stiffly. But I appreciate the warmth of her hands. They make me soften a little.
“Ask how he is- or how you want to meet your brother.” Maddie shakes me.
“I promise, cross my heart. If you do- I will stop asking.”
“Maddie,” I feel a laugh escape my lips this time.
“Cross my heart,” Maddie winks, drawing a line over her chest with her finger.
“What if he says ‘no’?” I look back at the empty parchment.
Part of me still wishes she would forget it. Because this is starting to pull up darker feelings inside me. I don’t like them. And I don’t want to think about them and their meaning.
It’s better if I never know. I think to myself.
“What if he doesn’t respond at all?”
“Ah, little Ana.” Maddie burst out with laughter.
“Wha-?“ Maddie surprises me by throwing her arms around me. It’s a hug- but it’s too much. I automatically stiffen up. This expression is still too new to be comfortable.
My aunt and uncle never hug me. No one has in the last four years.
Is it normal to hug people? I eye Maddie with some suspicion. Is it? Or is this just something Maddie does?
Or is this something that Dawny does? I think I have vague memories of getting hugged. But that was when I was still very little. And the memories are a little too hazy to be reliable for me.
“Such a little worry-wort,” Maddie lets go. She leans back to look at me. A happy smile is on her face that pulls up her chubby cheeks.
“Trust me, your Empress,” Maddie is confident. She moves to hold the quill over to me.
“Write to him.”
I take it but watch her face. Maddie has a smile that makes me feel warm. And it gives me the courage I didn’t think I had.
"You promise you'll stop with the questions?"
Maddie nods.
"I only got one heart, and I've already crossed it for you." Maddie winks.
If this works… But I’m afraid to say it out loud. I’m afraid to make myself foolish. It’s better to keep it in.
"Very well," I touch the paper. The ink spreads from the surface to make a neat dot.
Please. I pray in silence as I carve out the first word. My stomach is cramping because I’m nervous. And I feel my heart hit my ribs.
Please, let this work.
*King Alexander* (Bold Italics means it’s in a letter) “To his majesty, King of Dawny, Alexander Brokenoff, Before I begin, I would first like to apologize. I am guilty of not fulfilling the duties that would be owed to you. I have gone years without writing and see it as inexcusable. But I have matured enough to understand that I am at fault. I seek your forgiveness and hope that we can move forward from this. This will mark a new beginning between us as we rekindle our family relations. And with it, we renew a line of communication that is frequent. And secondly, I, Anastasia Brokenoff, Empress of Nochten, would like to impose a request. Will it be possible for me to meet my half-brother, Prince Nicoli, as his sister? I understand this is abrupt, as this comes after years of silence. Again, that is my fault and it may seem impertinent to ask. Your reluctance is not uncalled for. However, if this can be seen as a form of penance, I wish to correct my wrongs and earn your forgi
*Aunt Funda* Aunt Funda could feel all the blood drain from her cheeks as the initial shock transmitted to outright dread. What is the meaning of this? Her mind raced as her eyes again read over the envelope. Somewhere, she hoped that it was her mistake. A trick of the light or her eyes had turned sour. Anything would be satisfying if it were to help say she had been mistaken. As long as it wasn’t this. Surely this can not be. Aunt Funda refused to believe. It wasn’t real. She was convinced it wasn’t. But try as she may to pretend it wasn’t there, the letter remained the same. It was undeniable. The letter was stamped from the kingdom of Dawny and addressed by the very King Alexander himself. It even bore his royal stamp- a blue wax declared it an official letter from the foreign kingdom. And it was addressed to none other than her niece. "This has to be some joke." Aunt Funda growled, still resisting what she held in her hands and cursing under her breath. She wanted to rip i
*Ana* “Dear Empress Anastasia of Nochten, Princess of Dawny, my daughter-“ And I have to stop as the word lingers on my lips. He…called me daughter? I feel like the wind is kicked out of me. “Go on,” Maddie chirps, leaning over my shoulder. I find myself looking to Aunt Funda. She stands at the opposite side of the desk. She nods in agreement to keep going. There is a clear look of interest in her eyes. “How wonderful to see you take the initiative to reconcile with me. But don’t be hard on yourself, It’s my fault as much as it is for you.“ Do you mean that? I pause again as my head spins. He is not mad at me? “Ah-hem.” Aunt Funda clears her throat loudly. “Your Empress,” Her eyes target the letter. "Oh, I- yes," Embarrassed, I quickly return to reading. “I hope that this will also mark a beginning between us. We can become a warm family once more. I have longed to reconnect with you. And it pleases me to see you reach out first. As I can’t help but worry for you. As any
*Uncle* Ana’s Uncle did not enjoy change. He was a systematic man with a tendency to habit. It was a quality that he and his niece seemed to share. But each for different reasons. Where Ana followed routines to fight her isolation, Uncle preferred it. Uncle was a slow speaker and could not keep up with banter. He was not clever or had a way for pretty words. He was the sort of man you would forget after the meeting. Though Uncle knew himself to be this way, he never saw it as a nuisance. Instead, it was pretty beneficial as he was talented in other areas- areas like money. Uncle had made himself known as a man for numbers. He was called proficient when it came to them. So much so that he was elected by the court to take on the empire’s treasury. A title he took great pride in- as it made it so much easier to rob the coffers blind. Even if there were suspicions, no one would talk if they did. Uncle relaxed at the sight of his future in comfort and luxury. Being both related to
*King Alexander* Alexander frowned at the table of the council. His advisors exchanged anxious looks between them. The news, they could see, had clearly upset the man. Why must such things happen now? King Alexander lamented. Could it not have happened before? Or better, to take place after? No, of course not. Not for himself. Such was his luck. A revolt had occurred in one of the villages and needed his presence. It was serious and could not be ignored. Even for his own daughter. She’ll be leaving by now. King Alexander knew. The scheduled visit was less than a week away. His daughter was likely already packed and heading to Dawny. Even if she weren’t, a letter would still arrive too late. By the time it reached Nochten, she would have left. This left Alexander in a unique pickle. I’m sorry, Anastasia. Alexander silently apologized. “Then there is nothing else to it, gentlemen. Inform the horse master to prepare my fastest horses. Hopefully, we will not need to waste mor
*Ana* I hold the little gift box tied in blue ribbon carefully on my lap as the carriage door closes after Maddie. The maid takes a seat and smiles across the cabin. “And how are we feeling, my little Ana?” Maddie starts. 'My little Ana?' I feel my cheeks warm at the new nickname. Maddie is being strange, per usual. “Excited?” “Yes,” I look out the window. Outside, there is a farewell party. Aunt Funda and Uncle are here. And some servants have joined. I can even make out many faces I see from the court. It’s nice to see many come to see me off. But they don’t seem too excited. No one is waving or saying goodbye. I get a somber bow before they start heading back inside. I haven’t even left yet. I press my tongue to the roof of her mouth but say nothing at the slight insult. Even though I know that it’s not proper to leave before I do. But it’s quickly forgotten as I discover one still remains. It’s the human with a scar over his brow. Admiral…something I think. He doesn’t
*Ana* When the carriage enters the town, we start to slow. The wheels clack and wobble as they cross the cobble roads. Our journey is finally coming to an end. The Dawny castle should be just ahead. My heart jumps up my throat, and I swing to the window to peer out. “About time,” Maddie relaxes. "It'll be great to get out of the carriage for a while." "Mmn," I can barely answer. I’m so distracted by the window and what I see- the streets and buildings are so different from Nochten. Everyone uses brick and wood here. Although it’s not that late in the day, I find the sun ready to set. The days are short here. Dawny’s Autumn is much different than Nochten’s. I catch sight of a colored leaf. It drops and catches into the air. I watch it fly over. I pull my hands under my pits and shiver. "I don't remember it being this cold." "Is it always like this?" Maddie moves a blanket over me. I pull it up over my chest. I am instantly grateful that she brought them. "You're just use
*Ana* We are escorted to a set of guest rooms that are freshly cleaned with flowers in every vase. The rooms smell sweet and airy. And it feels bright with the yellow wallpaper and soft cream-colored furniture. It was more than adequate for anyone staying in the castle. But I feel odd about having to use it. Why can't I use my old bedroom? I remember having one of my own. Though I can’t say exactly what that looked like. But I did. So why not just let me use that? Unless someone else uses it now. It strikes me that they might not be free anymore. It might be his now. I smile when I think of him. If that's the case... I don’t mind the room change. It’s insignificant to me. "What you smiling about?"Maddie is in the middle of unpacking. She opens trunks to pull out packed clothes. "I was thinking that this isn't my room." "Oh? You remember that?" Maddie pauses to roll a pair of socks. "I'm surprised you can. You were so young when you left." I lessen my smile a little at tha