The Recovery
Stella,
When I wake up, I find myself in an unfamiliar place. The room is filled with bright lights, and there is a strange sensation in my throat. I can hear the sound of beeping machines. As I try to turn my head, someone approaches me. "Well, hello Ms. Savage, you're awake," the person says, leaving me feeling confused and disoriented.
The person standing over me introduces themselves as Nurse Melanie. They explain that I am in the hospital and ask if I remember anything that happened to me. I shake my head in response. Nurse Melanie informs me that the doctor and my parents will be coming to talk to me soon.
Shortly after, my parents enter the room, and my mother rushes to my side. She tells me that I had gone to a party with Dakoda my twin sister. I start to panic and ask if Dakoda is okay. I explain that Dakoda and Jax had gone upstairs together, and I haven't seen her since then.
"Yes, Dakoda is okay, Stella, but we need you to focus on yourself, sweetheart. Can you remember anything about that night? Any details will be helpful."
"I remember dancing with Chad at the party. Then we went upstairs to a bedroom, and once we got there, Chad needed to use the restroom. Suddenly, it all came back to me. Oh god. There was a man in the room that Chad and I entered. He must have been hiding in the corner, which is why we didn't see him at first. When Chad left the room, the man locked the door and grabbed me, throwing me to the ground. Oh god, Mom, please don't make me say the words."
"You don't have to say anything you're not comfortable with, baby. Just tell me what happened after that and if you saw the man who did this to you."
"The man was angry because I was crying and couldn't enjoy what he was doing to me. He tried to open the window. I begged him to stop and promised not to tell anyone about what he had done if he would just let me go. But he threw me out of the window." I say with a gasp.
"Okay, baby, just stay with me," Mom says.
I nod my head and gather my strength. "I know who it was, Mom."
"Who, baby?"
"It was Professor David Hamilton. The high school professor."
"Are you sure?" The nurse asks cautiously. “That's a serious accusation."
"Yes, I understand the gravity of the accusation, and I am certain that the man who raped me and threw me out of the window that night was Professor Hamilton. He was heavily intoxicated, barely able to stand, and he reeked of alcohol and cigarettes."
I'm in pain and try to move, but it hurts. I look at my body and see that my leg is in a sling and both my arms are in casts. Even my neck is in a brace. I ask my mom how long I've been in the hospital and she tells me I've been in a coma for three months. I've already had three surgeries and will need more before I can start therapy. I ask about my sister Dakoda and my mom says she's in the waiting room. They wanted to see me first before letting her in. I ask to see Dakoda alone and my mom agrees. When Dakoda comes into the room, she cries and hugs me, but I tense up. She apologizes and I tell her it's okay.
I had a brief conversation with my sister. She wanted to know what happened to me in that room, but I wasn't ready to tell her yet. I knew she had to go to school and I didn't want her to get into any trouble because of me. My sister Dakoda is the opposite of me - she's outgoing and adventurous. That's why we ended up at a party we shouldn't have been at.
I don't blame my sister for what happened. She had no idea that someone who was supposed to protect us would hurt me like that.
"Sister, where did you go?" Dakoda asked.
"I'm here, just feeling tired again," I replied, hoping she would leave and give me some time alone.
"Okay sister," Dakoda said, getting up and kissing me on the cheek. "I love you. Get some rest, okay?"
"Thank you, sister. I love you too."
A few minutes later, Mom and Dad walked back in.
"Mom, Dad, please don't tell Dakoda what happened or who did this to me. I don't want her to have any more trouble at school. Kids can be cruel," I pleaded.
"No worries, there's only one group of savages in this town," Dad joked.
"Dad, that's not funny," I said, slightly annoyed but couldn't help but laugh.
"Well, I love you, daddy," I added.
"I love you too, pumpkin. Mom and I are going to head home for a bit to shower and rest. Do you need anything?" Dad asked.
"No, thank you, daddy. I'm going to take a nap myself."
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I woke up screaming.
"Hey sweetheart, you were having a bad dream," the nurse reassured me as she checked my vitals.
"Ugh."
"I'll talk to your doctor and see if we can get you something to help with your bad dreams," I offer. The idea seems harmless enough, so why not give it a try?
The next day is filled with tests and consultations with doctors. It turns out that I need to undergo two more surgeries - one on my left leg and another on my neck.
As I'm being prepared for my first surgery, Dakoda enters the room. "Oh Stella, I hate seeing you go through this. This surgery is going to be extensive, and you've already been through so much," she says with concern.
"I may not look it, but I'm a strong girl, Dakoda. My journey over the past three months should tell you something," I reply confidently.
"Oh, care bear, I didn't mean anything by it. I know you're a strong woman," Dakoda reassures me.
"Koda bear, stop worrying so much, okay? Go to the waiting room with Mom and Dad before you make me nervous," I playfully tell her.
Dakoda laughs. "Okay, sister. I love you. See you on the other side."
"Love you too," I reply, but deep down, I'm not entirely convinced that I'll make it through. I may have fooled my sister with my bravado, but I can't fool myself.
🙈🙊🙉
"Are you ready for surgery, Ms. Savage?" the nurse asks as she enters the room.
"I think so," I reply, feeling extremely nervous.
The nurse wheels me into the operating room and begins to connect me to the IV and monitors. My mom and dad enter the room to wait with me until I am taken to the surgery room.
"Are you doing okay, baby girl?" my mom asks, and I honestly don't know what to say.
"You will be fine, pumpkin," my dad reassures me.
"Thank you, daddy."
"Alright, sweetheart, are you ready to go back?" Dr. Hopkin asks me.
"I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I tell him.
"We'll see you in a few hours," my mom says, giving me a kiss before she and my dad leave the room.
Dr. Hopkin explains the details of the surgery to me. "So, the fall broke your neck in two different places - your Axis and your C7. We will go in and insert a rod to stabilize the fractures and straighten your neck. Once we fix your neck, we will focus on fixing your leg in a couple of days. You will have to relearn basic functions like walking, talking, and eating. It will be a long road to recovery."
A few days later, I regain consciousness in an unfamiliar room filled with tubes and monitors. My family and friends, including my sister and her boyfriend Jax, are gathered around my bed, crying and praying. It's clear that something serious has happened.
I try to speak, but the tube in my mouth prevents any sound from coming out. Instead, I squeeze my sister's hand to let her know that I'm awake. She looks at me with tear-stained cheeks and shock in her eyes.
"Mom, Dad," my sister Dakoda whispers, still staring at me as if she's seen a ghost. My parents look up at me, and my mom gasps in shock while my dad calls for the doctor.
Confusion fills my mind as I attempt to lift my arm to hold my mother's hand, but it remains motionless. The doctor and a nurse rush into the room. The nurse immediately checks the monitors, while the doctor approaches me.
"Stella, you're awake! How are you feeling?" the doctor asks. I try to respond, but my voice refuses to cooperate. The doctor informs me that they need to remove the tube from my throat, but even then, I still can't speak.
"Blink your eyes twice if you understand what I'm saying," the doctor instructs. I comply, blinking twice, and everyone in the room bursts into tears. It's evident that whatever happened to me was truly terrible.
The doctor then asks me to cough and swallow. I attempt to do so, but the worried expression on my mother's face tells me that I haven't succeeded.
"Alright, Stella. I need to remove the tube from your throat. It may not be painful, but I cannot guarantee anything. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Doctor Hopkins asks me. I blink my eyes twice to indicate that I understand.
Once the tube is removed, I try to speak again, but nothing comes out. I glance at the doctor, and he smiles reassuringly.
"During the surgery, your windpipe was damaged. I can perform a procedure to fix it, but we need to give you more time to heal before undergoing another surgery. The previous surgery was extremely risky, and you were in a coma for three weeks this time. It's a miracle that you're here and able to look at me right now, considering that just two days ago, you had no brain activity."
I take a deep breath and glance at my parents, who nod in confirmation of the doctor's words. I signal to my sister with my fingers, asking for something to write on. She brings me a piece of paper and a pen, and helps me raise my hand so I can write down what I need to say. "You assured me that everything would be alright."
"Yes, you're absolutely right. I assured you that everything would be alright, but as a doctor, I made a mistake. The damage to your neck was more severe than we anticipated. However, we were able to successfully repair the damage."
"What about my leg?" I jot down.
"We will need to perform another surgery on your leg once you have recovered."
"Will there be more surgeries?" I ask.
"Just a few more, and then your body will heal from all of them. Hopefully, in a month or two, you can start your therapy," the doctor replies.
I roll my eyes at the news and close them, trying to go back to sleep. Deep down, I know I'm being dramatic.
My sister, who is always by my side, leans in and whispers in my ear, "I'm rubbing off on you... little sister. That was very dramatic."
Despite being only two minutes younger than her, she still insists on calling me the little sister.
The next couple of weeks are filled with doctors coming in and talking to me. Surprisingly, I don't have to undergo surgery on my windpipe as it will fix itself. I can already speak, although my voice is raspy. My sister finds it sexy, though.
Tomorrow, I will have my last surgery to work on my leg and get a rod inserted. By the time all the surgeries are over, I will be filled with metal.
🙈🙉🙊
"So, how is therapy going?" Mom asks me for the umpteenth time today. There's something off about her today, but I can't quite figure out what it is.
"It's going okay, mom. What's going on with you today? You're not acting like yourself right now. Talk to me."
Mom clears her throat. "Well, sweetheart, I have something to tell you. Your dad and I have decided that it's best for you girls to move to Hawaii. For now, you'll stay here until your therapy is over, but we need to get your sister out of this town. People have been treating her horribly. Even though she'll never admit it, I've overheard her crying to Jax at night about how mean and nasty some people have been to her."
"So, you're leaving me here by myself?" I asked, feeling a sense of abandonment.
"No, baby... dad and I will come here to be with you every week. Also, his trial is coming up, so we will be at it," my mom reassured me.
My face went as white as a ghost. "He, he got caught?" I stammered, shocked by the news.
"Yes, baby, they finally caught him. I didn't want to worry you about that just yet, but with everything, I think you should know. But let's move on to a nicer subject. How is your therapy going?" my mom changed the topic, trying to shift the focus to something more positive.
"Which one? I'm in so much therapy right now, Mom. My head is spinning," I replied, overwhelmed by the number of therapy sessions I was attending.
"Tell me about it all, then," my mom encouraged, wanting to hear about my experiences in therapy.
"Well, my therapist advises me to confront and process the events that have happened to me instead of suppressing them. Ignoring them will only cause me more distress in the long run. Therapy can be challenging, as it often feels physically exhausting, with my limbs feeling fatigued on a daily basis. However, my ability to speak has not been significantly affected. The attractive rasp in my voice is gradually fading."
"You know, my dear friend, your therapist is absolutely correct. It is important for you to open up to her about what you have experienced and how it affects you emotionally. Keeping such experiences bottled up is not healthy. Remember, you have done nothing wrong, so there is no reason to feel ashamed or hesitant to discuss it."
"I'm not ashamed, mom. I'm terrified that he will follow through on his promise to come after me if I speak up," I confess.
"Don't worry, he can't reach you. He's in jail now, and even if he wasn't, everyone knows who the sick bastard is. He wouldn't make it past their doors, I promise," my mom reassures me, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I know, mom, but it still scares me. And as you can see with Dakoda, not everyone believes me," I admit, feeling a sense of vulnerability.
"Kids can be cruel, baby girl. Anyway, I should head back home and break the news to your sister. She'll probably call you tonight, upset as ever. That girl of ours always loves the drama," my mom says, trying to lighten the mood.
I chuckle. "Yes, she definitely does."
As my mom leaves for the day, one of the aides helps me back to my room. Exhausted from therapy, I prepare for bed, knowing that it had taken a toll on me.
Dakoda called me, upset about having to leave her home state. She was worried about not being able to see me, Jax, Britany, and her other friends every weekend. She felt like her life would be over if she moved to Hawaii.
I listened to her and reassured her that I won't be there forever, and if she and Jax truly love each other, they will find a way to be together. I told her that things will work out in Hawaii and that her friends will always be there for her. I also reminded her that she can call me every night.
Dakoda then apologized for venting and realized that she was being selfish, considering what I have been through. She expressed her love for me and called me "care bear."
I replied, "I love you too."
As I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, my mind is consumed by everything my mom told me today. I can't help but wonder if this nightmare is finally coming to an end. The fear of him finding me and fulfilling his promise no longer haunts me. My parents have kept my whereabouts a secret, but what if the court believes him? What if they let him off because he will claim that I'm lying and that he never did anything to me? He holds so much power, and I'm just a teenager. I can't help but plead, "Please, just let me go. I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Stella... Stella. Honey, wake up, you're having a bad dream again." I sit up in bed, rubbing my eyes from sleep, and see Mrs. Ashley, my therapist, who woke me up. I hug her tightly and start crying. "Will this ever go away?" I ask her.
"Come on, let's start your morning off in the therapy room so you can talk through this. If you just talk about it, he won't win in your dreams anymore," Mrs. Ashley suggests.
I shuffle to the side of the bed, and Mrs. Ashley helps me put on my pants and get into the wheelchair. I feel like things will never get better, but I am determined to prove myself wrong.
We quickly make our way down the hall to her office, and before I know it, I'm talking about the worst night of my life and having to relive it all over again. "Is this what it's going to be like when I have to tell a jury what he did to me that night... and will they believe me?" I voice my concerns out loud.
"Oh, sweetheart, there's no need to worry. If someone doesn't believe what happened to you that night, then they are just ignorant."
"Thank you, Mrs. Ashley. Your support means a lot to me."
"You're very welcome, Stella. Are you ready to prepare for Morgan and her training session?"
"If I have to."
"Hey now, I heard that," Morgan says, entering Mrs. Ashley's office. "Are you ready to start this morning, Stella?"
"Yes," I tell her, feeling much better after talking to Ashley.
My arms have gotten stronger, so now we're focusing on building my lower body strength.
"I need you to do ten more leg crunches before we finish today," Morgan tells me.
"My goodness, Morgan, if I didn't know any better, I would think you were attempting to harm me."
"No, ma'am, I'm just trying to prepare you for the next phase of this program. And what is that?"
"Walking?" I suggest.
"Absolutely, young lady. So stop complaining and start working those legs."
"Yes, ma'am," I reply, saluting her, which causes her to laugh.
Later in the afternoon, my sister pays me a visit.
"Hey, care bear, I brought some tacos, your favorite."
"I tell her that it smells good, and we make our way to the picnic table outside. Dakoda mentions that we will be leaving tomorrow so that she can start school with everyone else. I reassure her that she will be okay and that she might meet some cool new people. Dakoda expresses that it won't be the same without me and dismisses the idea that it won't be long before she joins me. She reminds me that I still have a long road ahead of me, as the criminal has been caught and we are waiting for the trial. I will have to be there, so it could take some time."
"Why are you resisting this so strongly, Dakoda? Mom says people are being mean to you at school, so why would you want to stay and deal with that kind of behavior?"
"It's nothing I can't handle. But since we're on the topic, is it true what everyone is saying you said? Did he really do this to you, Stella? And why am I the last to know?"
"I didn't want you to know because if he were to go back to that school, you would have made it worse for yourself."
"I don't believe that, Stella. Why are you afraid to tell me the truth?"
"Please, Dakoda, let it go."
"What did he do to you that's making you so scared for me?"
"I said let it go, Dakoda," I tell her and wheel myself away.
"Sorry, Stella, I didn't mean to upset you tonight. I want our last night together for a while to be enjoyable."
We enjoy our tacos and then Dakoda pushes me back to my room. We spend most of the night talking and watching our three favorite movies. The staff is aware that it's Dakoda's last day in the state, so they allow her to stay the night with me as long as we promise to keep quiet and stay in my room. And we do.
The next morning, Dakoda and I have breakfast together before she leaves for her new life. I want to be supportive of my parents' decision, but I also feel angry at them for not taking me away from this town.
"How was your morning with your family?" Mrs. Ashley asks me during our afternoon session.
"It was bittersweet."
"How do you feel about the situation?"
"I have a mix of emotions. On one hand, I'm happy for my sister as she is getting an opportunity to leave this place. But on the other hand, I feel upset and left behind. It's frustrating to see her moving on while I feel stuck. I'm also angry at myself for having these feelings towards my sister. I feel like I should be ashamed of myself for feeling this way."
"It's completely normal to have these reactions. You and your twin have been inseparable for years, so it's natural to feel a sense of loss when she starts a new chapter without you. It seems like you also hold some resentment towards her for what happened to you. You believe that if she hadn't taken you to that party, you wouldn't have ended up in that situation. However, deep down, you may also feel relieved that it was you and not her who went through that experience."
"I'm sorry, but you're fired," I say, tears streaming down my face.
"Oh, sweetheart. I don't want to cause you so much pain, but this is part of the therapy. This is the peak of trauma."
"I despise myself for feeling this way about my sister."
"I understand. It's only natural to have those feelings, and it opens up a whole different discussion."
I manage to smile at her.
"Time for overtime now," Mrs. Ashley informs me.
"Ugh, can't I just have one day off?" I complain.
"No, ma'am, it doesn't work that way," she responds.
"Fine."
"Well, aren't we in a good mood today?" Morgan remarks as I wheel myself into the gym.
I simply stick my tongue out at her as she walks away.
"I saw that," Morgan says. "Okay, today is the day you start walking."
"Huh?"
"We are going to stand at the bars, and you are going to use them to support your upper body while you try to use your legs."
"Do you think I'm ready for that yet?"
"Yes, I do Stella. It's going to take a month or two for you to fully use your legs, but I think you are ready to try."
That thought brings me some joy because the sooner I can walk, the sooner I can be with my family. I roll myself towards the bars. Morgan and her assistant secure a strap around me, with Morgan standing in front of me and the other lady behind me. Morgan instructs me to take one step at a time, coordinating the movement with the same arm. On my first attempt, I almost fall forward, but Morgan catches me.
"You're alright. Let's give it another try, okay?"
"Okay." I stand up at the bars once again.
"Now just stand there for a moment, find your balance, and we'll try again."
I continue walking along the bar, but my arms and legs become exhausted and I lose my balance, falling backwards into the woman behind me who was supporting me. She reassures me, saying, "You did great, Stella. Let's take a break from that for today and focus on some leg exercises. After that, we'll finish our exercises for the day."
We conclude the session with some dog walks, and then I return to my room for the night. After taking a shower, I lie down on my bed and watch some Star Wars.
The following day, we resume my therapy on the bar. It takes me three attempts, but I successfully make it across without falling, and I feel an immense sense of accomplishment, as if I had won the lottery.
"I just need a few more attempts on the bar, and I think in a day or two, we can give walking with the walking stick a try."
"Do you think I'm prepared for that already?"
"You've been putting in a lot of effort for the past few weeks. Yes, I believe you're ready for it. Morgan told me."
"That's great to hear." I smile at Morgan.
"It's time for group therapy. Are you prepared?" Morgan asks me.
"Out of everything, that's the one thing I dislike the most."
"I know it may seem strange, but believe it or not, it benefits both you and everyone else in the room," Morgan explain.
"Everyone keeps telling me that. Anyway, I should freshen up before I join them," I reply.
"Yes, you do have a bit of a smell," Morgan teases me.
I playfully throw the towel I'm holding at Morgan, then make my way out of the gym and into my room.
After 30 minutes, I enter the great room where our group sessions are held. Thankfully, the groups are divided by gender, with all girls in one group and all guys in another. I don't think I could handle having guys in our group right now. Just the thought of them getting too close to me makes me panic internally.
"Good evening, ladies," Mrs. Ashley greeted us.
"Evening," we greeted back.
"Okay, ladies, are you ready to get started tonight?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Elizabeth, why don't you kick us off tonight? Share a little about your journey here and how you feel you're progressing so far."
"Yes, ma'am," Elizabeth responded, then delved into her story of becoming paralyzed from the waist down. "About five months ago, I was involved in a boating accident that resulted in a spinal injury. Thanks to therapy and Morgan's team, I've seen significant improvement. I believe there's a good chance I'll regain better sensation in my legs and possibly even walk again within a year."
"Do you still have nightmares about that night?" Mrs. Ashley asks me.
"No, actually I don't. Talking about it has really helped me," I replied.
"That is amazing to hear," Mrs. Ashley responds.
"Stella, would you like to share a little about why you are here? We would really love to hear from you in this group setting," Mrs. Ashley asks.
I take a deep breath and begin to share the gruesome details of what happened to me one fateful night at a college party. "But on a positive note, therapy is going great for me. I still have nightmares, and I won't feel safe until he's behind bars."
When I finished my story, I look up and see tears in all the girls' eyes.
"Oh, Stella, you are such a brave soul," Kim tells me, and it makes me feel good.
🙈🙊🙉
The next few weeks pass by quickly as I focus on my physical therapy, spending hours practicing walking. My therapist is pleased with my progress and assures me that once I leave here, I will only need therapy every few weeks. Today, my parents are visiting and I'm excited to surprise them with how well I'm doing and the news that I can go home. Morgan is throwing a party for me later.
I'm in my room getting ready for the day when my parents walk in with somber expressions on their faces.
"Is everything okay?" I ask, sensing that something is wrong despite their attempts to hide it. I urge them to tell me what's going on.
Mom lets out a sigh. "The trial has begun, and there is already discussion about you having to testify. Your father and I have been fighting against this. We don't want you to go through any more than you already have because of this horrible person."
I tremble with fear. "The thought of facing him again terrifies me. What if he escapes from the police and comes after me to finish what he started? He tried to kill me to silence me."
"Oh, don't worry, baby. We won't let that monster come near you. And we're still fighting to make sure you don't have to face him again. Even if you have to give your statement in the judge's chamber, it's better than having to testify in front of him and everyone else."
"Okay, young lady, are you ready to show mom and dad what you can do now?" Morgan asks as she enters the room. She stops in her tracks when she sees my expression.
"Hey, what's happening? Why does everyone look so down?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
"Oh, Mom just made a really bad joke," I explain to Morgan, not wanting to delve into it with one of my therapists.
"Mmm, okay," Morgan responds, not pressing the issue any further. They help me into my wheelchair, and we make our way to the therapy room.
"Alright, Stella, show your mom and dad what you can do, girl," Morgan encourages.
So, that's exactly what I do. I secure my wheelchair and adjust my foot pedals. As I approach the edge of the wheelchair, my mom rushes over to assist me. I shake my head, indicating that I don't need any help. With determination, I pull myself up out of the wheelchair and walk towards my parents as if I've never had any trouble walking.
My mom gasped in surprise and said, "Oh, sweetheart, I knew you had been working on this, and they said you were ready to go home. But never in my wildest dreams would I have thought you were this ready."
