Chapter 12 - The shift

“So, you hung out with Golden? That’s a development.” Zach says talking too loud for my liking. I look around us to see who’s listening. We’re on the school field to have our lunch, the closest person to us is the school grounds keeper and he’s on the other side. But still, you never know who’s lurking.

We’re kicking it alone today because I had to tell someone about spending time with Golden or I’m going to burst.

“She didn’t really give me a choice and can you not talk so loud,” I say speaking softly.

“What do you mean she didn’t give you a choice?” He asks making a face at me but he lowers his voice.

“We had ice cream and she came back home with us. I didn’t invite her, she sort of walked along with us until we got home.”  He smiles at my explanation and I already know where this is going.

“She was in your house, wow dude.  You guys are moving fast.” He says smiling a very sly smile. He wiggles his brows over and over, I cringe inwardly at that.

“Not like that. Don’t say that.” I say genuinely uncomfortable.

“Come on I know you. I know it’s not like that. I’m just teasing you.” He says seriously. I love him and he’s my best friend but he plays too much. He might be playing around but that’s how rumours are started and I don’t want Golden to be wrapped up in stuff like that. I respect her too much to allow people to talk about her like that. And I don’t care if he’s a friend or not.

“Why are you being so difficult? I don’t get what’s going on with you. I’m trying to be understanding and everything but I don’t get you.” A voice says so loud from the stands. Zach and I look up at the same time in the direction of the voices. Up there is Golden and Cole. He has his hands in his trouser pockets and Golden has her arms folded.

It’s so quiet on the field that their voices sound amplified.

 It sounds like they’re screaming at each other so loudly that we can hear them all the way in the middle of the field. This proves my theory. You’ll never know who’s listening.

“What do you mean you don’t get me? I told you, I want to hang out with you more; just the two of us. I want us to talk more, I don’t want to live the same way we did when we started dating. We’re older now; our lives can’t just revolve around our friends.” She says sounding so stressed, she doesn’t anything like the girl I had ice cream with over the weekend. I feel like I’m eavesdropping, I shouldn’t be listening to this

“We should go,”   I say to Zach and try to get up. He grabs my arm and sits me back down.

“We’re not going anywhere.” He says and starts eating his lunch.

“I feel uncomfortable,” I say so he can get why I need to leave.

“As you should be, this is a private conversation.” He says but he doesn’t move.  I look away and try to pretend I’m not here.  I can’t really close my ears shut, can I?

“You know what? I can’t deal with you right now. I think you should deal with your shit and get back to me when you know what you want.” Cole says to Golden and for some weird reason, it sounds like he’s screaming louder than he actually is. My senses are on high alert because I’m actively trying to ignore them.

“What do you mean by that?” She says raising her arms and letting them drop as if she’s defeated.

“I mean I want to take a break so you can figure out what you want.” He says and starts descending the stands. He leaves her standing there.

“Shit!” Zach says and I look up in the stands. Golden is watching Cole walk away. I hold my breath waiting for her to run after him but she doesn’t. She just looks on as he walks away.

 She sits down and she places her head in her hands for a long time. Zach and I watch the scene in silence. Should we do something?

We sit there waiting for her to stand up but a whole 10 minutes goes by and she doesn’t move. Finally, the bell rings announcing the end of the lunch break.  Zach and I get up and head back to class. I look back once and see Golden still sitting there not moving.

End of the school day

I walk down the school hallway to the entrance. Golden is in front of me with her two friends. They’re talking like it’s a normal day, Golden is her usual bubbly self. They’re talking about a music festival in Johannesburg they want to go to.

She’s nothing like she was during lunch break. I follow them into the parking lot and pass them when they reach Golden’s car.

I thought she was distraught from what happened with Cole but she seems to be doing fine. Is she pretending to be okay? I will myself not to look back at her and walk on; Golden’s business is none of my business. I shouldn’t be wondering how she feels about being on a break with her boyfriend.  

 I need to get a life. As a matter of fact, I do have a life and my life is about work and taking care of my siblings. I shake my head clear and look ahead. I walk faster so I can catch the next bus to Mina and Jon’s school.  

I need to get my priorities straight.

I go through my daily routine in my head as a reminder of where my place is with respect to Golden. I don’t even feature in her daily thoughts. Those few hours I spent with her have gone to my head, I need to rear myself back in. It didn’t mean anything!

I make it to the bus station just as the bus arrives. I get on and find a window seat. This is my reality and that reality doesn’t include Golden.

It would serve me well to remember that I can’t afford to lose my focus on a girl. I have a few months until my high school career is over and I’ve done well so far. I need to hold on until I write my final exams, pass them well, and move on with my life.

That sounds easy enough.