Chapter 2 (iv)

"What's the criteria for joining the body?"

The question had their expressions darkening noticeably but it wasn’t enough to elicit further response from them. I’d shocked them. It was a question none of them had been expecting, one they evidently hadn’t been asked in far too long. They were hoping I would back down, that if they stared hard enough I would bend; instead I doubled down in my silent wait. They weren’t going to push me aside like they did everyone else and by now I was making as much of a social statement as I reckon anyone had in a while.

Before I left my table, I’d said it was time for things to change and a small part of me liked the idea that someone else would be given courage by my ill-advised pursuit. With any luck, these five would start being approached more often and others would feel emboldened to pursue their own ambitions of student body leadership. I would be the social revolutionary they were waiting for and in turn they would put me at their helm.

It was amazing how well the plan was coming together despite the initial setback.

Speaking of setbacks, one by one the members of the body got up, deciding it was time they were anywhere else. The crippling tendrils of rejection began their steady creep through me, intrusive in their quest to shut me down. It brought me to my most primal self, the one that was tired of not being good enough, the one that was tired of being looked down on, the one that broke that little girl’s teeth for pointing out the inadequacies in her. I wouldn’t take a swing at any of the retreating body members—certainly not—but it did ignite a fire in me that seldom led to rational thought.

 "Fine. Fine. I'll find out the criteria myself!" I spat indignantly. Who were they to put themselves above me and everyone else? Who were they to think they didn't owe any explanations to anyone? It was their duty to serve the students of the school—something they seemed quite keen to forget. "You think you can keep me away from the body and Jayden? Gimme a month and you’ll find out who I am.”

The last part hadn’t come out right—hell it shouldn't have come out at all, but in the moment the rage that coursed through me fended off any shame.

It was all the talk from Madelyn. Hearing how highly they held themselves, how untouchable they seemed to the common man, it was more than I currently felt like ignoring. In my annoyance, I'd drawn for all the cards they'd laid before me and one happened to be something that would ruffle the feathers of at least one member; Jayden. Did I mean to have them as annoyed as they had made me? Absolutely. Never mind how I’d done it; I had their attention now. I had everyone’s attention.

It took another moment for me to I realize how quiet the cafeteria had become. They’d all heard my declaration and were intrigued by this new girl who didn’t know her place or the war she was beginning.

The body stopped dead in their tracks. They all turned to me, the boyish grin from earlier finding its way back to Jayden’s face.

"Well then,” he quipped, “I wish you all the best."

Finally, the hints of playfulness were starting to return. Laughter danced around in his eyes, his secret joke from earlier returning, but it was all fleeting. They turned as one unit and made their way out of the lunchroom just as the bell began to ring signalling the end of the lunch period.

I walked back to the table I’d been sitting at, my heart racing a hundred miles a minute and my legs wobblier than freshly made Jell-O. Coming down from my earlier irritation, I couldn't believe I’d done any of that. I'd been working on my impulse control and thought I’d gotten it better in check but my foolhardy outburst just now proved otherwise. The last time I'd had an outburst that was even remotely as questionable might have been a whole year earlier. It was also the last time I'd been provoked to such strong emotion.

"Girl, do you have a death wish or something?" Madelyn demanded as I reached down to collect my book bag.

"No…why?"

She looked at me as if I’d grown two extra heads, incredulous at my own ignorance of whatever matter she was trying to raise. "You’ve basically challenged the body and declared war on Erin!"

“I didn’t,” I countered, thinking my actions—while rash—were warranted and well within the purview of what should’ve been a democratic process. I shouldered my bag but rather than walking away, I found myself waiting around for the others to begin grabbing their own things.

"You obviously don't listen to yourself when you speak."

"All I said was I’d find out the criteria, and Jayden’s a big boy. I doubt I could force him into anything he didn’t want." In which case Erin would have to back off—or provide the plot antagonist every romance protagonist needed. I wasn’t picky; a good performance was a good performance. 

She shook her head, pitying me for the bigger picture I was clearly missing. "Yeah, but there's a reason no one knows the criteria. They don't want anyone else on it. By saying you’ll definitely find out—and presumably ‘join’ them—you're going against them.” We started toward the door, following the crowds that whispered and chattered as they made their way from the room. Some spared the occasional glance my way thinking I wouldn’t notice but hypervigilance had always been the order of my day. “You're also the only girl any of us have ever seen who was dumb enough to publicly declare her interest in Jayden—and in case you don't feel dumb enough already, you did it right in front of Erin!"

            A lazy shrug rolled off my shoulder, conveying a nonchalance I wasn’t truly feeling. It didn’t matter what she’d explained; the damage had already been done. It wasn’t as if I could take it back, not now. I could only move forward and commit to the work I’d started.

            “Like I said, it’s time things changed.”

            And so it began.