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Chapter 8: The Us We Left Behind

"I'm not upset about Wes," I say, almost more to myself than to Alex. "I think I'm more upset about the fact that I just made an idiot of myself in front of half the town." I take another swig of whiskey. It's getting easier to swallow each time.

"Be careful with that, Mae."

"I will. I am."

He doesn't look like he believes me. "If I'm understanding this right, then Wes was clearly the one at fault. As soon as people hear the full story, they'll turn all their anger on him."

"And save all their pity for me. No, thank you. I'd rather just chill here with this whiskey." I turn and walk over to one of the large, flat rocks on the river bank, stepping up onto it in my bare feet and then settling down cross-legged.

Alex stays where he is, and I suddenly feel as if all my energy is draining out of me.

"Really, I appreciate you checking on me," I say quietly. "But you don't need to stay. I don't want you to miss your mom's party. She'll kill me if you do."

"She'll understand."

His refusal to leave me to my solitary drinking makes me feel better than it should. I slide over slightly on the rock and pat the place beside me. "You're welcome to join me if you like, but only if you agree not to ask me any more questions about Wes. Or comment on how I'm taking it."

He takes a few steps toward me. "I'm not sure I can agree to that."

"Ugh, don't be such a downer. You're not allowed at my drinking party unless you promise to play nice."

The corner of his mouth twitches, tilting up slightly. "See, now that's not fair - I supplied the alcohol, after all. And I can take it away."

"When did you become such a boring old fart?" I say.

"I'm neither boring nor old."

"Then prove it." I hold out the flask. "Or are you afraid to get your suit dirty?"

"I won't lie - that's definitely a concern."

I grin. "Why? Can't you just buy another one tomorrow? And anyway, isn't there a rule in the rich dudes' handbook somewhere that says you can't wear the same thing more than once?"

He smiles. "The last time I checked, I was allowed to wear everything twice before I had to replace it. But I have an old version of the handbook. Maybe they've updated it since then."

I'm glad to see that, in spite of his new seriousness, he still has his sense of humor. And I'm even happier to see him step up onto the rock to sit beside me.

"I guess there's still some of the old Alex left in you after all," I say, offering him the flask. "Beneath Xander, I mean."

He takes the flask, frowning. "You've made a couple of comments like that now - why are you so convinced I've changed so much?"

I laugh. "Look at you. Look at what you're wearing. Look at that thing you have growing on your chin."

He raises an eyebrow. "You don't like facial hair? I rather like it." He rubs his jaw, the one Celebrity Spark claims is "sharp enough to cut a diamond."

"It's just that you've never had any before. It makes you look really...different. That's all." I laugh again. "Like an underwear model or something."

He smiles and takes a drink from the flask before handing it back to me. "You have something against underwear models?"

"Not at all. It's just...well, you aren't an underwear model."

"You don't think I could be an underwear model?"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," I say. "Strip down to your tighty-whities and let's see what you've got."

He laughs. "I think I need a little more whiskey before we go there." He takes the flask again, sobering slightly. "I'm serious, Mae. Do you really think I've changed that much?"

I pick up a bit of gravel from beside me and toss it into the river, thinking. I'm starting to feel that first buzz of alcohol in my brain, but my mind is still clear enough to answer.

"It's only natural," I say. "I mean, you haven't lived in Haverton for years. You've got an awesome career and tons of money and a new social circle. You're not going to be the same guy I went to high school with. People change, especially when their life takes them in a different direction. You had to throw out that old T-Rex shirt eventually, I guess."

He nods and looks out across the river. The seriousness has settled over him again, making him look much older and more distinguished than I remember. I can definitely see why the magazines are so taken with him.

"It's just the way you carry yourself now," I hear myself say. "I don't know. It's hard to explain." I take back the flask and have another drink. "It's like...I don't know. Like you know you're rich and successful now. Not that you didn't know before. But now you know know. If you know what I mean." I shake my head, which only makes my sudden dizziness worse. "Gah, it's not fair to ask me questions like this when I've been drinking." And this stuff is affecting me faster than I thought it would.

"At least I know I'm getting an honest answer out of you, even if you're not making much sense." There's humor in his blue eyes as he takes the flask away from me again. "Maybe you've had enough of this."

Maybe I have. I'm just ready to change the subject before this gets any more uncomfortable.

"It's been a long time since we were down here together," I say.

"It feels just like back then," he says. "Only this time the whiskey is better."

"And this time we're legally old enough to be drinking it in the first place." I smile and lean back on my elbows, thinking of all the times Alex and I sneaked down here in high school, often with a bottle of alcohol we'd stolen from our parents or convinced one of our college-aged acquaintances to buy for us.

And it wasn't just alcohol either. Alex and I each tried our first cigarette down here - which promptly led to me being sick in that clump of bushes over there - and once tried to smoke some weed, too, though it turned out that the "stash" that Alex bought off his friend was nothing more than dried kitchen herbs. For Haverton kids, we were downright delinquents. We weren't bad kids, but we were curious. And he was the only person in the world I was comfortable enough to try those things with.

Which is probably why the confession rises to my lips before I can stop it.

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