CHAPTER FIVE

The sonorous Arabic melody pierced into my sweet, sweet dream and pulled me by my foot out of it. Two days later, I was still dreaming about him, about that day when my heart burst with no hesitation for him. 

I never got angry at the alarm imposed on me by the estate's mosque because it was around the same time I should be awake if I was to meet my school bus. Well, except today, I groaned out loud, my chest tightened with annoyance. Romeo was just about to kiss me.  This was the third time in a row of unsuccessful kiss attempts. We got so close, the stars grew brighter and swirled in the night sky, his eyes found my lips first then he leaned with his and bam! Something or someone dragged me away from my fantasy. At this point, I wanted to believe there was someone playing games with me somewhere. I hope that person choke on his spit or something.  If it was not going to happen in real life, at least let me have it in my dreams for goodness's sake. 

I wasn't usually like this, I don't dream about boys I wanted to kiss, heck! I didn't even dream about kissing Hussein. Except maybe that one time but that was by the way. This one was back to back to back and non stop. It was almost as if my brain was trying to relive that moment over and over again. 

He didn't try to kiss me that day but I thought about it. When he chatted with me with his eyes focused on me, I heard nothing but the voice inside my head. 

What if he kisses me? 

He never did, obviously. He left for the stage and did what he does best. Throughout the whole concert, I watched him with a new sight. Thoughts churned inside of me like butter under the whisking machine. 

When I told Nikki about our encounter, her jaw dropped to the floor. "What are the odds that he finds you when you are not looking for him?" She had said. "That's how love finds you." She shrugged, feeling smug. She always loved to be right about things. 

But what I couldn't understand for the life of me was one thing. 

Does that mean Romeo is love, my love? 

I was heading to Delulu land on a fast train, I was scared of myself. Another heartbreak was imminent, I just knew I would never stop until that happened. The case with Hussein has not taught me anything, I haven't even done healing from the hurt. Whenever I remembered I was going to see him and much more, sit beside him for the next few months remaining till we graduated. And that Nonye, I hoped and prayed she was not a science student. How the hell am I going to sit and watch them play lovey dovey to my face? I might not survive that. 

I yawned noisily and stretched my hand above my head when I was finally ready to get up. I picked my phone from the nightstand and double tapped to hit play to my last played song. It was Romeo's voice that emitted from the speakers. Soft like the clouds, smooth like the surface of a still lake. 

I smiled and whipped the cover away from my body like a cartoon character ready to take the day by storm.  Sometimes fantasy is the way to happiness. Why should I be in this boring reality when I could soar into cloud nine living my dreams? 

Only the sound of dumbbell feet dragging across the room echoed in my dad's empty house as I made way for the bathroom. The big apple clock ticked at five twenty. The sound of silence hummed in the house and the estate at large. 

But that was what it just looked like, inside the identical duplexes in the estate were grumpy lads like me being yelled awake by their parents, the grumpiest of them was Nikki, sometimes it would require the threat of a whip to get her out of her queen size bed. She always wondered how I did it; getting up all by myself. I guessed I just knew no one was coming to knock at my bedroom door anytime soon and also it was a skill I have had to master or face the consequences all on my own. Plus I have had years to practise.

It was Monday which meant the school bus driver was extra ruthless for his time. Six o'clock he was gone, not even a second later will you meet him at the bus stop. I didn't blame him because being stuck in the  mainland Monday traffic was no joke but then it meant that we had less than thirty minutes to bathe, get dressed and run a hundred metres to my estate's main gate. Usually, Nikki would finish before me and hit up my phone line. 

I waddled into the shower with a wandering mind and a whistling mouth. The overhead shower rained down water shy from boiling point just the way I liked it and I couldn't stop moving to the music in my head. Just then, someone started to bang on the gate, hitting it with more force than necessary. 

My heart dropped. 

Even though I had gotten used to living alone in this fourteen room duplex, my fears could never fully disappear. There were many things a girl being by herself could be afraid of. I have gotten better overtime. Learning to trust the estate's diligent security, the triple padlocks on the first gate, the electric barb wires that lined the fences and dozens of door latches that lined the doors leading to my bedroom, all this was something I had to instil in me over and over again till it was second nature to me. I haven't had any reason to be scared yet but that didn't change anything. 

I was eight years of age when this house turned cold. When my mom died of breast cancer, the colours drained from our house. My dad was a decent father before my mom died. He was available, at least as available as a great surgeon in demand was. I saw him everyday and could be sure of one day in the week we would spend the whole day together, have dinner and laugh at my running mouth or whatever we laughed about. I couldn't remember what we laughed about anymore, I didn't even remember hearing laughter ring in this tall piece of building. But I did feel like those were our better days. I had my mom. Dad had his wife. Life was good. 

With my mom gone, it was like he had no reason to be home again. I wasn't enough of a reason for him. I sometimes wonder if he ever cared for me as his daughter. I couldn't remember ever feeling loved by him, not before not after. It didn't matter that much. Now, I didn't even care anymore. I was past the stage where I would pressed my pillows so close to my face because I was sure the monster from my nightmare had followed me to real life. But you know, with time,  everything becomes bearable at the very least.  

I didn't need him anymore, just his ATM card and I was good to go. Whenever he chooses to come home, fine and if he doesn't, fine as well. I was a big girl now, there was space to mourn over what could not be fixed. But on days like this, when my buried fear crawled out, I wished but not too loudly that he was here. That my mom was here. That it was eight years ago when I was allowed to be a child not fake courage and plot my escape. 

The loud knocking came on again but this time, it followed with some spoken words that reached me in jumbles. 

I turned off the water and slowly wrapped a towel over my body. I stepped out of the bathroom but was still holding the door. My bedroom's window overlooked the front of the gate. I should be able to know who it was if I watched behind the curtains but fear pinned my feet to the ground. 

The person spoke again, the voice seemed out of breath and when I listened closely, I heard a word. 

Nikki.

I rushed to the window and lo and behold, it was Nikki already dressed for school. Relief fell on me like a waterfall. 

"I almost lost my voice." Nikki said as I opened the last lock. "Are you okay?"

"You should have called me."

"You have not seen it."

"Seen what?"

"Where is your phone?" 

"In my room."

"Good."

"Good? What do you mean? What's happening?"

"Nothing," she said with shaky breath. "Nothing, just get dressed and–" The rest of her sentence mingled into a rushed murmur. Bubbling tears closed her throat at some point she had to stop talking to concentrate on breathing. 

"Nikki!" My heartbeat quickened with dread. "What's going on? Nikki, can you tell me what is happening here? Nikki…Nikki!" I shook her shoulders vigorously expecting the answer to fall out of her. 

"I was scared that you have seen the news and you are curled up somewhere and you wouldn't move or talk or do anything…like that time. I called, you wouldn't pick. I thought you had hurt yourself."

I held my wrapped towel by my chest. I took a deep breath and waited for the bomb to fall on  me. 

"It's…Romeo. He's dead."