In Pursuit Of The Light

May

Everything is dark and gloomy. No matter how much I strain my eyes, I cannot see anything at all.

The only consolation I have is the fact that I feel absolutely no pain. In this dark place, I surprisingly feel whole. The excruciating pain I was feeling is all gone and so is the smell of blood.

This is a good thing, right? Before the wolfman found me, I was so certain that I was going to die alone in the wilderness. If the pain did not kill me, then the excessive bleeding was going to take me to my maker.

However, lady luck is on my side. Not only did I not die, but I also met a mystical creature who felt my pain. The wolfman treated me as his most treasured person.

The only unfortunate thing is that now I can neither see nor feel him. Could it be all that was just me hallucinating? Of course, it has to be my dying brain playing tricks on me.

Is this how one feels when they are close to death? Does everyone else see things that are unnatural when they are close to death's door? Maybe this is just a coping method to help ease the pain.

That should be what happened to me. I must be dead now and fate allowed me to be willful. But why would I imagine a wolfman?

It does not make any sense at all. I have never heard of wolves who turn into men before. I know that I do not have the most imaginative brain out there. So all this is all too disconcerting to me.

Why is death so dreary? Everything is bleak and depressing. If I could get a chance to live again, I will take it up with the elders for lying to children about life after death.

The stories among the living make death sound so inviting. They say that everything becomes pure and brighter in the afterlife. But that is just a lie!

There is no paradise. There are no lush green sceneries. Neither are the roads made of gold and beautiful cobblestone. I see no deep blue seas and chirpy and colorful birds here.

All there is for me to see is darkness. A deep dark abyss of nothingness. A vast expanse of despair and absolutely nothing! The truth is, I would rather get back to life and feel the excruciating pain once more. It is better than this darkness.

I have no idea how long I have been here. Nor am I aware of the time. I feel that I have been here for too long and that is quite depressing.

I never thought that I'd say this someday, but the truth is I am tired of doing nothing. I am tired of being stuck in one place. I need to stretch my legs. I have to get up and walk around.

My only fear is that I cannot see anything. What if there is a deep pit in front of me or what if I reach the edge of a cliff? I certainly am not planning on falling to my death even though I am already dead.

It makes no sense right? I know but the fact that I am already dead does not mean I want to kill myself even in the afterlife. One has to treasure their life no matter the location.

That said, I think I should just risk taking a walk. My muscles are now aching from being immobile for too long. They say when you stay in darkness for a long period, you will eventually start seeing.

I just need to train my eyes and adjust. With my mind made up, I painstakingly get up and stretch for a while. Then I commence my journey through the darkness.

I have no idea where I am going, but my gut instinct tells me that I am doing the right thing by getting up. From the way my legs are wobbly, I can tell that I must have been immobile for too long.

This place is weird. I feel neither hunger nor fatigue. I just feel as if I am stuck in time. As if the time here does not move at all. That is why I have been huddled in that spot for too damn long.

No wonder my muscles are aching. Anyway, let me walk and see how far this darkness stretches. Usually, taking a walk gives me this sense of liberation but not in this place.

Here, I feel like I am gambling with my very soul and my opponent is the soul taker himself. Forget about seeing where I am going, I cannot even see myself! Nor do I have an idea of my geographical location.

I have been walking for what feels like an eternity. Far-fetched I know but honestly, it has been a very long time since I started walking. Yet I still see nothing different.

I am still traversing this deep and dark road with no hint of light at all. Though my body does not feel tired, my mind is fatigued. I am mentally exhausted and on the brink of losing my sanity.

I know that once the mental exhaustion kicks in, I will most probably give up. But that cannot do. I am not ready to surrender yet. I am so not ready to spend my eternity in darkness.

If it is the last thing I do, I will search for even a beam of light. No matter how small, I will find it. I have a feeling that I am not supposed to be here at all. So, I have to walk.

As long as I see no light, I will be a wanderer till forever comes. For my sanity, I have to get out of this dreary place. Even though every ounce of my body knows that I am probably dead, I am still not keen on being in this darkness.

So I am going in pursuit of some light to chase this darkness away. There is no way I will just sit back and allow this darkness to overwhelm me. I am not keen on being a mentally deranged ghost. I was perfectly sane when I was living. Then why should I allow the darkness to plunge me into insanity?