Josh held Payton and watched her as she slowly drifted off to sleep. He felt her body totally relax, and he even heard a small sigh escape her lips. What he realized as he was holding her was that he'd never seen her so relaxed before. Maybe it was because she'd never let him in this close, but maybe it was because she always had her guard up. Their relationship was shifting, and the feelings he felt for her were overwhelming. Just looking at her he knew there was so much more to the woman in his arms than he could even begin to imagine, and that scared him because he didn't know what she'd do with that once she realized it too.Just thinking about their relationship the last couple of months, he realized he'd never been happier even though he'd worked his ass off. Their relationship was the hardest thing he'd ever worked for, but he knew that's what made being with her so much better than any of his other relationships. Most of the time women were easy, they wanted to be with him, and
Payton was still kicking herself for making such a stupid mistake when she left the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Looking over she noticed everyone's eyes on her again. The blush spread up her neck and over her face as she rushed to her room. It deepened when she noticed Josh waiting for her in the chair he'd been in the night before. She gripped the towel and looked down."Feel better?" he asked."Much.""I'm glad. I'm gonna go so you can get dressed, but come find me when you're finished."Payton took her time getting dressed, and when she finally came out, she caught the end of a conversation between Bryce and Jackson."What the hell does that crap mean anyway? Pudding? Come on. That's just stupid," Bryce was ranting about Jackson's shirt."Just because you don't get it, doesn't make it stupid.""No one gets your shirt."Payton was curious about the shirt now and made sure to get a look at it. When she read the words "Keep Calm and Eat Pudding" with a picture of Carl above it, she th
Payton didn't know what to think, much less say to Josh's declaration of love. She wasn't stupid and knew that they were probably headed in that direction, but she didn't think that the time had come. She wasn't even sure if what she was feeling for Josh was love. If she faced the facts, she didn't have great examples of what a loving relationship should look like. Sure her grandparents had been together for over fifty years, but they were the only ones that had a stable relationship.When it all came down to it, Payton didn't want to be in love. Being in love meant she had to open herself up even more than she already had, and she'd have to be totally honest with Josh. That wouldn't be easy, and she couldn't face that.Breaking her out of her head, Josh said, "Payton, relax. I'm sorry.""You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry.""What for?" he wondered."Because I can't say it back. You deserve that, and I can't give you that. You deserve so many things that I can't give
Josh paced in the backyard hearing the excuses over and over in his head."I didn't mean to."How the fuck do you not mean to kiss someone? It seemed like black and white to him. You either kiss someone or you don't. Why was he never good enough for anyone? Why did girls have to do this to him? Maybe he'd just have to give up on the whole idea of bringing girls home. It was obvious that he wasn't ever enough; they always wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Fuck this, he was done."That was pretty shitty of you," Jackson called from across the yard."Fuck you! You have no room to talk.""I get that you're pissed, but there's nothing to be pissed about. If you'd calm the fuck down for more than two seconds and think with the rational fucking part of your head, you'd see that.""This is just like before-""This is nothing like before," Jackson said cutting him off. "Those other girls didn't give a shit about you. Payton loves you.""No, she doesn't. She won't even te
Being back at school had been good for Payton. She'd been able to get the space she needed and had Hailey to talk to. She wanted to keep Josh at arm's length because that's how she usually coped, but Hailey had encouraged her to keep working through it with him. It had made for a rough and awkward few days, but things were better, and she was glad that she and Josh had been working on things together.There were only a couple of weeks between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break anyway, and if they had left for a month on bad terms, she wouldn't have felt right. They had both been so busy; there wasn't much time to stay upset about anything. Josh had been getting everything finalized for his student teaching, and Payton had enrolled in classes for the next semester.Payton was sitting on the floor in the living room trying to keep from getting too comfortable. She'd been sitting on the sofa earlier studying and almost fell asleep, so she was hoping the hard floor would help her focus
"You owe me one, man," Darrin said as he got off the bus."Whatever, you were leaving anyway. Besides, I've taken one for the team on more than one occasion.""Yeah, yeah. Have a good weekend.""Have fun with Tessa," Josh said.The guys said a quick goodbye as Darrin gave him a one armed man hug before heading off to his car. Josh was glad that his game had been early because that meant he was home before dinner, and he was thinking he'd take Payton out. Instead of calling, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked over toward her place. It'd been too long since he'd seen her. They'd both been so busy over the past several days they just hadn't had time. He took the stairs two at a time and knocked impatiently on the door. When no one answered, he knocked again. Still there was no answer.He pulled his phone from his bag and called Payton's cell. Worry started to set in when it went right to voicemail. He was just getting ready to call again when Hailey came through the door that l
Had he heard Payton right? Had she really just said she loved him? He tensed up and wondered if he should say something.Smiling up at him Payton said, "Now you're the one who looks like he's gonna bail."He had heard her right. Smiling back, he told her, "I'm not bailing; I just didn't think I'd heard you right.""You heard right. I realized on my flight here that no matter how hard I've tried to tell myself I don't love you or that this won't work, it was all just a lie. After hearing Gramps say they were taking Mom off life support, I realized just how short life is. Even though it doesn't fit in my plans to be in love, I am. I love you."Josh pulled her in closer, "I love you too."Spending the whole night in the hospital lobby was not what Josh had thought would happen when he got to Texas, but that's what they did. By the time morning had come around, she was stretched out on the sofa with her head in his lap, and he had spent most of the night watching her sleep. He couldn't pos
Josh had been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since he stepped off that plane, and the last couple days had been the worst. They'd done nothing but wait, but it was filled with so much tension and anticipation, he was sure that he was going to crack. As he got to know Martin and Nora, his worry about being around so much was put to ease. They had let him know many times, and in many ways, that they were glad he was there.As he felt more accepted, he wondered why Payton's mom hadn't told anyone about the man she was seeing. Surely everyone wanted the same kind of happiness for her that they did for Payton. Payton had told him many times that it wasn't the fact that her mom was dating that had upset her; it was the lying about it. How might things be different if that man were around now?It had been a week, and there had been no change. At first it seemed like everyone expected something to happen, and everyone stuck around close. As the days wore on, Payton started to get hopeful t