7

My ears twitch. Uh-oh. A “goal.” That’s one of my post-breakup alarm-bell terms. Along with “project,” “change of direction,” and “amazing new friend.”

“Right,” I say cautiously. “Great! So … um … what’s your goal?”

My mind is already scurrying around the possibilities. Please not another piercing. Or another crazy property purchase. I’ve talked her out of quitting her job so many times, it can’t be that again, surely?

Please not move to Australia.

Please not “lose a stone.” Because 1) she’s skinny already, and 2) last time she went on a diet, she made me be her “buddy” and instructed me to phone up every half hour and say, “Keep to the plan, you fat bitch,” then complained when I refused.

“So, what is it?” I press her as lightly as I can, my entire body screwed up with dread.

“I’m going to fly to San Francisco on the first flight I can get and surprise Richard and propose!”

“What?” I nearly drop the phone. “No! Bad idea!”

What’s she planning to do, burst into his office? Wait on his