I woke up in the morning feeling very restless after last nights call I couldn’t go back to sleep. The Sonora jail called, I contemplated answering but curiosity got the best of me.“Hello?”“Hey babe, can we talk?”That’s the first time I heard his voice in a month, I felt my heart beat faster. I didn’t know what to say to him, I was completely speechless.“How about I talk and you can listen. I’m looking at about 5 years for this. The lawyer I met with this morning told me he thinks he can get me off with a promise to not return into Mexico but it could take a year or two to get there.”I still didn’t say anything, I listened to his hurt voice as he tried to explain everything to me.“I love you so much Kay, you have no idea how crazy I went when you left. I fucked things up bad didn’t I? It wasn’t supposed to be this way, I was supposed to be there for you and our little boy. We were supposed to be a family and I messed up so bad this time. What’s his name?”“Jeremy” I was able to
Tomorrow was the day my dad was supposed to be coming home, I was looking forward to seeing him again. I definitely needed a distraction after days of contemplating if I should write Darren or not. My head said no while my heart was begging me too.Jeremy was starting to sleep a bit better, so I was feeling more rested and like myself. Instead of being up every 2 hours, sometimes he would sleep 4 hours at a time which was amazing.My phone rang, I glanced down at the caller ID, it was the jail again. He has called me every single day since we talked but I felt guilty knowing those talks were costing him food. I have ignored each of his calls since then, I looked over at Jeremy who had his big brown eyes open suddenly,“Good morning handsome”He gave me a big gummy smile, I loved when he smiled at me although I’m pretty sure it was just gas.I decided to take him out for a walk, we haven’t really been out much and I was beginning to feel down. I haven’t even explored the town since we
I sent a bit of money into Darren’s account and began to write a letter,‘Hey, hope all is going good for you there. I know it can’t be easy, but maybe this is a sign Darren, it’s time to slow down. In a way I do wish you would of met Jeremy, he is so beautiful. He looks so much like you, he is literally perfect. I sent you some pictures in the letter so you could see him. I am sorry for the way things worked out but I can’t do this anymore, our son deserves better.’I left it at that, who even writes letters anymore, and what was I supposed to say to him. I put the letter in the envelope along with some pictures.I took Jeremy out and went to the mail, dropping the letter in there, once I got home I was receiving a call from the jail,“Hello?” “Hey, thank you for sending me money.”“Yeah I thought you weren’t going to call constantly, I wrote you a letter so you don’t need to call constantly ok”“Thank you, I just wanted to try it out make sure it worked, I got a few things from can
The next day, I was waiting for my dad to come visit. He called earlier and asked if I wanted to go spend a few days at his place, I agreed it would be nice to get away for a bit. I knew Darren was locked up and wouldn’t be able to find me, I had everything packed while Jeremy slept. I decided to write another letter to Darren,‘Hey, there’s something I want to ask you, I want an honest answer. Have you ever cheated on me? I keep thinking about it, I want you to know I’ve never cheated on you. You made me feel so shitty about myself when I was pregnant and I’ve never done anything. I really loved you a lot Darren, I always have and I think I always will.If you ever want things to work out we need to talk more and work some things out. We need to be honest with each other and rebuild our trust. My gut tells me you cheated, I have come to terms with the fact you have cheated on me and I know you weren’t in the right state of mind. I have forgiven you for it, but I refused to forgive yo
I spent a few days with my father ignoring all the calls from the jail, I was trying to get my head clear. My last night there, my dad put Jeremy to bed and fell asleep with him. I took Jeremy off of him and put him in his bed and put a blanket over my father. I was wide awake, since I’ve been here my dad has been doing a lot to help me out, he would let me sleep in and even got up for some night feedings.I went and sat on the deck and enjoyed some time alone, my father lived on a dead end street that looked onto the bush. He had a large deck with a couch and table, as a teenager I used to hate living out here, away from everyone but right now this was perfect.I looked over at the yard and I could picture Jeremy running around and playing here, I heard a sound not too far from me. I looked over, it was probably just an animal, there were always animals coming through here.I moved over on the couch so I could lay down and look up at the stars,“Don’t forget to make a wish!” a famil
I sat outside with Steve for a few hours, we talked and laughed. It was getting pretty late and I began to yawn, it was just about time for Jeremy to get up for his first night feeding. I noticed he slept better since we got here, most nights he only woke up once or twice. I think he just felt I was relaxed and enjoyed seeing the new things and place, my dad made sure to keep him busy also. They were always running to the store or going for coffee, he was a proud grandpa.I felt myself begin to dose off as me and Steve were laying our head against the back cushion talking, he had his arm over my legs. When I was just about to fall asleep, I felt him tuck my hair behind my ear and kiss my forehead. I went to open my eyes and he was gone.I sat up and looked around and didn’t see anyone around me, I went into the house and jumped into bed thinking about how relaxing tonight was and how happy I felt. I heard my phone ding with a text message,Steve: I sent myself a text so I would hav
I woke up in the morning to Jeremy crying, I picked him up and gave him a big cuddle. I looked into his brown eyes and it reminded me so much of Darren. I made him a bottle and held him closely as I fed him, I ran my fingers through his little hairs, and thought about what I should do. What would be the best thing for him, Darren was his father but he was sort of a wreck, although when he was sober he was funny and helpful. He was my best friend and I felt so in love with him, we had a special bond. When he wasn’t sober he was a mess, he was abusive and a liar and always playing games. He was dangerous and he scared me so much.I thought about Steve, I didn’t know him much but he was reliable and sweet, but it wasn’t fair to him I was in love with Darren and raising his child.Once Jeremy was asleep, I took my phone out and replied to Steve’s message,Kay: Good morning, sorry I fell asleep on you. I guess I’m not the best company eh? Hope you have a good day and I don’t think we shou
Once I got home, I was missing call after call from the jail, I was terrified to answer. He knew either me or Steve were lying about talking, even though nothing happened I knew he would somehow turn it around. I closed my eyes as I could picture what he would say to me, 'So I take it your fucking my best friend while i'm in jail, real classy'. Once I got everything unpacked and Jeremy to sleep, I checked the mail and I had a new letter from Darren, I sat down and opened it,‘ Hey Kay, thank you for taking the time to write me. Jeremy is so handsome, you have no idea how badly I wish I could hold him right now. This place is hard-core, I’ve already been in a few fights, I’m happy you can’t see me, I’m looking pretty rough. I gave them a good run though, I had borrowed $50 off my cellmate to make some calls to you and to buy stamps to send letters. I also got some money for canteen, my mother is supposed to send me the money so let’s hope she follows through. I’m ready to make everyt