It was like a game, a game that left me petrified with fear and excitement. A game that made my heart want to jump out of my rib cage. I would lie awake at night replaying everything... I really did that? I really had the guts to do such. The worst of it all is, I did not even feel the least bit guilty.-"Mary, Liam wants to walk the dog today." Master William said during breakfast."Liam did not say that." Mary rudely replied."Liam, don't you want to walk the dog to Oliver's house?""Yes yes yes please dad!" Liam replied eagerly. "Rosy could play with Oliver's dog as well.""See.. he said he wants to walk the dog and he certainly can't walk the dog by himself." Master William said giving Mary a dirty glare. You may be asking yourself where Lady Tracy went off to? Well there was an upcoming wedding in London. She was absolutely honored to be called over to see the design that the bride required. Master William had not treated me badly.. not even a little bit at all. Infact, when I w
Ginger.Raw eggs.Pineapples.Cinnamon.That's what I was being forced to eat and drink. My mother had very funny indigenous methods of avoiding pregnancy. I didn't fully trust it, but when my mother's much older friend from the commune started explaining properly, I suddenly had a little bit of hope."Drink raw eggs twice per day.""Add ginger to a pan of boiling water, after five minutes turn off the stove and strain the mixture. Drink two cups of ginger every single day."It didn't end there."Cinnamon also causes miscarriage and abortion. I'd advise you take it later if all fails. If all fails don't worry, I have know other herbs."My heart immediately dropped at the word abortion. I was not and would never be a baby killer. I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I did that. I would honestly rather be shamed for having an affair with a married man on a higher stature than mine... as opposed to killing an innocent child."Pineapples reduce sperm count for males but
Slave weddings weren't anything fancy. Infact William's father was not pleased. He kept yelling at me saying, what's wrong with the slaves from the Gallagher plantation and that I'm shameless for marrying the Cunningham's slave. He was a man with pride and I suppose there was a bit of bad blood between the two families. Most probably because the Cunningham's were somewhat better. They paid their workers and this got slaves from other families/plantations to start talking.From my own knowledge, I knew that slave weddings were often discouraged but slave owners only allowed this because it kept male slaves grounded. If a slave had a family or love interest, they would be less likely to run off. Another reason was Masters wanted the women slaves to bear children. The more children born, then the money the master could make off the family. Many of the children were sold, in most cases never to see their biological parents again. Women who were fertile were often the ones who sold the bes
A married woman.That's what I was now, not on paper though. Slaves weren't ever given any sort of documentation unless they were counting how many we're. Many of us did not even know our birthdays, luckily my mother knew it by heart and reminded me every single year.It was an easy Sunday.I couldn't wear the dress lady Tracy made for me. It was beautiful after I wore it, Master Joshua was furious. He demanded, I go wear proper clothes. I suppose lady Tracy had overdone it. I was glad that I wasn't showing. William told me at sixteen weeks, I would be showing that's why I needed to...— earlier.After Pastor Richardson had finished the Sunday service. He asked that Elliot and I stand up and hold hands. Bible verses were read and we were officially declared married. The slaves weren't allowed to cheer or do anything. Most Masters left but except the Gallagher's and Cunningham's. Apparently to the rest of the elites, this was not important. It was a joke and a waste of time.I watched
Elliot had showed me his room at the Cunningham commune. He shared it with someone else but because today was a 'special' night; they offered to give the wedded couple space. I say this with so much bitterness but I know Elliot does not deserve this. He deserves better, he has been nothing but honest and kind to me."Are you afraid?" He asked because I was just seated stiff on his bed fiddling my hands."Yes... a tad bit.""Don't be, I will be very gentle. Although I have never been with a woman before. I'm very excited."William was right, wasn't he always?"You can remove your clothes and get in the blankets." He said. I did not understand, William always made sure I was wet first by touching my breasts, kissing me and so many other things. I removed my dress and undergarments letting them fall to the floor. I felt self conscious but I didn't seem to care much about what he thought. I was more self conscious with Will but as we did it more and more.. I thought less of it.Elliot see
Over the past few days, things were different between Elliot and I. Not exactly in a good way, he was just distant. I still stayed at the Gallagher house, no one took slave marriages seriously. That's what I had come to realize. Nothing changed in my working hours or working days. The white man did not care. It's not that I really missed my so called husband but when he was awfully quiet for too long without visiting after we had sex. It made me have loads of questions. It gave me anxiety. Were we still alright? I planned to visit him when I got the chance. I would cook him lunch and earn his love back..Will was well..very nice to me lately.—"Stop it.. Will." I giggled as William as he peppered my neck all the way down to my collarbone, up again to my lips with kisses."Please do not tell me about it." He said clearing his throat. I knew exactly what he meant. I did not want to talk about it either. I was six weeks pregnant, I was very sure because I had not had my period the firs
Sometimes we lie to ourselves... I'd like to think we do it often. It's a comforting feeling. At some point, we all want to feel as if we're in control of our lives. Sometimes you're and the rest of the time rarely. If I had known nearly four months ago that my life would turn upside down... maybe just maybe, I would have preferred to stay at the plantations sleeping with swollen feet after each hard day's work. Maybe just maybe, I would not have been ripped off my innocence. I would not have personally known the evil within men... white men... specifically William. He had this look in his eyes that scared me. He also had this look in his eyes that left me wanting. If I said, I entirely hated him then that would render me a compulsive liar. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to be able to walk past him without feeling a pang of guilt.Afraid... somewhat excited with a good amount of anger. Afraid of what people would say.. how everyone would perceive me after they find out. Elliot hating
"I….I..""I d-don't know what to do." I told my mother, she rubbed gentle circles on my back and even after that.. I still could not stop crying. Everything was falling apart. I cried more because I had absolutely no one. My mother did not count, this was the bed, I had made and I had to lie on it."Mama?" I finally raised my head. She waited for me talk.. "Did you even love father?""Honestly..." She looked as if she was in deep thought for some seconds. "Even I, do not know."I simply nodded."Do you love Elliot?" She asked.I only felt bitterness. "I could never!" I spat."I still cannot take that he verily treated you the way he did.""My life would have never been this way... if you had not accepted that I take the housekeeping job."I needed someone to blame, I needed that to comfort myself with lies.My mother did not seem triggered by what I had said. "Just remove it.""What?!""You regret it so I suppose you don't have to go through with this. Worse, that Elliot and William a