Chapter 10 - Chicken Soup

My head felt heavy and the lights were blinding me. I barely slept at all and when I burp it still smells like alcohol. I have missed my first class and was already contemplating on missing the next. Staying home is not an option because Nelly will never stop berating me if she knew I missed school. Especially if it's because I went out partying all night.

I also have an apology to make.

Oh God, I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing. All I can remember was dialing August and then hearing her voice. But what I said for the rest of our twenty-eight minute phone call was all rumbled and hazy.

I found August in the library as always. I knew it was her free period and she'll be nowhere else but here. She was at the Front Desk this time and not stacking books like always. She looked up when I entered and smiled. I tried to read if her smile was inviting or mean but my throbbing head and the too bright lights made it impossible for me to open my eyes properly.

"Hello" she greeted. I slumped my weight over the counter, my head under my arms. I hadn't realized I've been dragging my body quite literally on the way here. I feel my limbs falling apart. I really should have stayed at home.

"Don't block the desk. Some students might come to check-out books." Her voice was kind but commanding. Firm and yet comforting. Just like how she sounded eight hours ago when I called her. I felt my face flush, and knew I was completely red. I groaned and kept my head down as I walked behind the counter, pulled a chair on the nearby table and placed it behind where August sat. I turned the chair so I could rest my whirling, reddening face comfortably at the backrest while my arms can serve as its cover.

August didn't say anything more. I can hear her scribbling and turning pages and sometimes would even whisper a word or a phrase. And somehow that got me falling asleep.

I jolted awake. Still August was there. Her back turned from me. Busy with her notes. It felt like a long sleep but when I checked my watch, not even ten minutes had passed. Still, I felt tired.

"You know" August suddenly said, she might have heard me stirred, "Just because we're fake dating doesn't mean you should be following me around. Why don't you go and find your friends?"

I grunted. My words are still trying to find their way back. They're just as hungover as I was but I answered her as best as I can, "I've associated them with alcohol. Seeing them might make me puke."

"Have you eaten?" August spun her chair to look at me, a motion that made my stomach churn. I shook my head gently. But even that rippled dizziness. I watched her as she picked up her bag, took out a lunch box and a stainless flask and prepared them on the space beside her desk. She laid out a banana and an egg sandwich cut in half, opened the flask and immediately I smelled that it was chicken soup. She poured a serving on the flasks' cup/top and placed it beside the sandwich.

She took half of the sandwich and went back to studying. I didn't move.

"Eat." She said finally. I guess she figured I was waiting for her confirmation that she did in fact, prepare this meal for me. Gently, I pushed myself nearer. I picked up the cup of soup which was still warm and even more gently sipped it. I felt like everything I would eat would further upset my already stirring stomach. But the soup calmed it down and slowly, the world started to regain balance. I moved to the sandwich after I finished the soup and was surprised with how hungry I already was. How does this taste better than Yanis' pâté?

I did feel a bit better after I ate. So I asked August, "Did you bring food especially for me?"

She scoffed, still not looking up from her book, "Don't flatter yourself Hughes. That's just my usual lunch. But since you're here it's impolite not to offer an invitation."

It was hangover food. I know because it's what Nelly usually prepares as my breakfast in bed when I'm suffering from really bad hangovers. But I gave August the benefit of the doubt. Why in the world would she bring a meal designed to help with a hangover for me anyway?

August then reached for her pocket and handed me aspirin and a bottle of water. "Do you also just walk around with aspirin in your pocket?" I commented after taking the medicine and finishing the entire bottle of water. I've never felt so parched in my life.

She rolled her eyes at me and took a bite out of her sandwich. I've noticed that she was such a slow eater. Even during our first date at the theme park. She really took her time with her food that I have to constantly remind her to finish.

"That– I did take one intentionally at the clinic earlier." She paused but a sly, teasing smile slowly crept to her face. "Somebody drunk-called me last night so I figured I was going to need it."

I groaned and blushed scarlet once more. I was really hoping we never have to bring that up again. I ducked my head back over the comfort of my arms. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. This was too embarrassing even for me. I have never drunk texted anybody in my life, let alone drunk call. Not even Dove. And the first time I did it, it really had to be with August.

"Why so shy?" She asked. She's enjoying this. The teasing and seeing me uneasy.

"Did I say anything embarrassing?" I asked. My words are muffled by my blazer. I hope she heard it anyway because I had no intention of repeating it. I peeked over my arms.

A student came by to check-out a book. She looked like a freshman and she had this confused but excited look on her face as her eyes darted from me and then back to August. No doubt her head is already creating rumors to spread. August finished logging the book within the system and scanning the student's ID but she stayed a bit more and just looked at us. Probably still fabricating a story that would sound interesting for her friends. Honestly, I cannot wait to hear what it'll be, but for now, I need her to leave so I glared at her with my bloodshot, sleep deprived eyes until she scampered away.

Only when the freshman left did August answer, whilst still jotting down notes from the book she was reading, "Nothing too embarrassing, really." She stopped writing and finally turned to me. "Except for the part where you kept saying how you don't know who Henry is. I could've sworn I heard you almost cry." She stifled a smile before returning to her study. I saw it though. If the ground would swallow me whole now, that'd be great.

"Fuck..." I breathed. How uncool I must look like for August now. I don't think there will be any recovery from this.

"I'm not laughing at your feelings, Hughes. Just with how you are reacting right now." She still had the sandwich in her hand. Still half-eaten.

"That's not making me feel better" I sulked. My head once again hidden in shame. "And you really should finish that sandwich. It's turning dry."

There was a soft Oh and I heard her nibble the already dry bread.

"But really, Henry. It's okay. There's nothing to be embarrassed about." I heard her shake her palms to dust off the crumbs. Slowly I raised my head and attempted to look at her hoping I wasn't blushing. She was already staring at me.

"Anything else I said?"

"You really don't remember?"

I shake my head. The dizziness has gone, now that I am properly hydrated. August thought for a moment and said, "Apart from your existential crisis, I don't think you said anything more." She started packing the lunch box and the flask. "Although, it made me curious to where that was coming from."

"To be honest, it's probably been there for a long time." I answered. I've already put myself into this position so might as well tell her more about it. "I just felt really overwhelmed last night. With all of these versions of me. In my parents head, my friends'... my brother's. It somehow made my own idea of me collapse and I needed someone to talk to."

And I really felt like that most of my life. I usually build a version of Henry that people would like. And then it'll be too much for me to handle so I would tear it back down. I created a 'Henry' that needed his brother so he wouldn't leave. But he still did so I had to create another one that his father would like. A copy of the golden boy he lost. But a copy could only go so far before it becomes a disappointment. I needed to be the 'Henry' that loves his depressed, withdrawn mother. But even that wasn't enough to make her happy. I should be the cool and dependable 'Henry' for my friends. They liked me better that way. And I have to be this charming, sweet-tongued 'Henry' for the girls I pursued, so I could feel wanted, needed, loved. And then leave before they change their minds.

"We are still young Henry." August pondered. "We still have a lot of years to figure out who we are." She closed her book and started to gather her things. "There's no need to rush. Plus your prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until you are twenty-five." She was facing me now, our knees almost touching. "Meaning you're still allowed to be stupid and feel lost and make wrong decisions."

I laughed, "Is this your way of making me feel better?"

August smiled and then shrugged, "Maybe. It's working right? Also, isn't that a fun fact? A fun, comforting fact?"

I must have looked like an idiot for smiling so big. It wasn't the facts about the brain that comforted me. I knew that already. It wasn't her poor attempt at a joke either. Or the egg sandwich and the chicken soup, not even the aspirin. It was just August. She makes me feel better.

She looked at her watch and stood up. "Don't worry, I won't tell a soul. We should get going or we'll both be late for the next class."

"Wait–" I grabbed her hand which seemed to surprise us both. I let go just as quickly. I didn't know why I stopped her though. So I racked my brain for anything other than I still want us to talk. Come on, prefrontal cortex, do not fail me now.

"I have an idea where our next date will be." I blurted, silently patting myself on the back. That was a good save.

It was August's turn to laugh. "Who said you'll get to decide our second date?"

I pouted and stood up as well, "I think that's only fair. You decide the first, I the second."

"Fine." August replied. And I followed her out, still stunned that she agreed so easily this time.