~Holly’s Point of View~
“You’ve been on that video game all day,” I snapped, blowing my bangs out of my face.
“I’m just getting your money’s worth,” Chase said, laughing.
This kid.
He’s way too smart for his age, way too far ahead of his time. He needs to slow down. He knows since we lost his dad I’ve pretty much let him do whatever he wants, though he usually doesn’t take advantage of that. I don’t have the heart to tell him no to anything.
As I struggled to get more out of the fridge than I knew I should, my fingers seemed to stop working.
“Damn it,” I whined, looking at the carton of eggs on the floor.
I put everything else down and grabbed a roll of paper towels. But before I could even squat down I felt arms around me.
“Mom, you’ve been off for a couple days. Like a space cadet off … floating without gravity. What’s up,” Chase said, resting his head on my shoulder.
I couldn’t believe my flipping 13 year old was as tall as me already. I am only 5’5 but still.
“Can’t hide anything from you can I,” I said, closing my eyes.
I felt like sobbing, like digging a deep and dark hole to hide in. Seeing Slade this week, seeing all of the guys in Feisty was too much. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate between work and being a single mom, now I had to deal with the pain of my past.
It was all bullshit and I was over it.
“You better not keep secrets. Partners remember? You want me to tell you stuff you gotta do the same,” he said, taking the paper towels from my hands.
I sighed as he grabbed the trash can and then got on the floor to clean the mess. He shouldn’t have to worry about my emotional well being. He shouldn’t have to stress about whether or not I’m gonna snap.
Cause everyday I almost do. Everyday I see something of my husband’s. A picture, some trinket I can’t bring myself to throw out. He’s all over. It's comforting and suffocating all at once. I could never give up this house though, it was where I mostly grew up, and where I wanted Chase to have his best years.
Plus, I didn’t have a mortgage. There was no beating that. Thanks mom!
But the bed is just too big without Gene’s warmth, his snoring that I came to love so much. I needed it to sleep for so many years. I nearly got a smaller bed but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“How about we go out to eat, and you tell me all about it,” Chase said, dumping everything in the trash.
I turned and looked at all the veggies I’d taken out to make fried rice and a beef stir fry, but nodded. Suddenly any willpower or ambition I had was gone. Cooking seemed too daunting.
“Get your coat, normal people wear coats in the winter you know,” I said, making a face.
My kid would wear a t-shirt and shorts in the Arctic, of that I was certain. He was the spitting image of his father, and stubborn to boot. Just barely a teenager and already set in his ways.
Two minutes later he came back with both of our coats and he’d even grabbed my purse.
After some back and forth like we always did, we ended up at a Mexican restaurant so I could get a giant margarita and he could have bottomless chips.
“So? Would this have anything to do with Feisty being seen all over town? Apparently all their women were bar hopping the other night … some kind of bachelorette party,” he said, dumping the entire thing of salsa into his bowl.
My mind flashed back to the look on Slade’s face in the ER the other night when he saw me. The first time he’d laid eyes on me in fifteen years. The first time I’d seen him. And damn it … he looked good.
I wondered if he’d had any work done, isn’t plastic surgery the big thing in LA? There’s no way he could still look that good and perfect on his own after touring the globe for fifteen years with a band of misfits that surely drove him to the brink of insanity.
SNAP
“Mom,” Chase said, waving his hand in my face.
I sighed.
“Yeah, it’s because of them,” I said, taking several chips and dipping them in my bowl of cheese. I stuffed them all in my face at once, extremely unladylike.
Chase shook his head and handed me a napkin.
“And… The guy? The rich guy, is he here too,” he asked.
I meant it when I told Chase I didn’t want any secrets. Sometime last year I ran into Todd, the Norris’ longtime chauffeur at the grocery store with Chase and had to introduce him. I ended up coming clean about literally everything, maybe a bit too heavy for a kid his age but he’d just too damn mature. Nowhere close to where I was then. I knew he could take it, and he’d understand.
I’d run into Todd many times over the years, hard not to in a town this size. But it still never got any easier. The guy couldn’t have been any nicer, always asked how I was and genuinely meant it. He’d never had kids of his own and the Norris brothers probably turned him off from it, I was willing to bet. Although the two younger ones moved to Europe to play soccer and from what I understand, hardly ever come back. I’m sure it didn’t please their father that neither one of them took an interest in business or followed in his footsteps.
“He’s probably here a lot, his family still lives here,” I said, going for another fistful of chips.
“You saw him didn’t you,” he said, raising his eyebrow.
Chase and Gene both have always read me like a book. Maybe I’m just that transparent, though I used to have a good poker face.
I nodded just as the waitress brought my drink. I grabbed it quickly and took a huge gulp.
“Maybe you … should invite him over for dinner,” he said, catching me off guard.
My jaw fell and I shook my head, taking another gulp of my drink.
“Why on earth would I wanna do that,” I said, making gestures with my hands.
I heard the bell that indicated someone coming in and had to blink heavily, several times. When that didn’t fix what I was seeing, I rubbed my eyes. Chase turned his head to see what I was looking at.
Slade.
Slade was standing at the counter, looking at a menu. Damn he looked good. Black leather jacket, dark blue jeans. A watch that was likely more than I made in three months.
“Oh crap. Is that him? Like seriously? Did the universe summon him out of thin air,” Chase laughed.
Just then, a table in the corner erupted with clapping and singing for someone’s birthday. I immediately covered my face and tried to hide it when Slade turned.
Too late.
Damn it!
I peeked through my fingers like an idiot, to see him waving. It wasn’t like an overly enthusiastic wave, but more like “yes I see you” kind of wave.
I gave a small smile, but Chase was still staring. I kicked him under the table and he finally turned back.
“He looks expensive,” he said, nodding and grabbing a chip.
Expensive … and motherfucking mouth watering. My brain struggled to remember how his ass looked naked, it shouldn’t be a hard thing to remember. I used to see it all the flipping time. All the guys loved to be naked. I pretty much knew all their bodies by heart.
I turned my head to the side, looking out the window and caught a glimpse of a black sports car right out front. Of course.
Pfft. Everything … EVERY SINGLE THING about the Norris family is expensive. They don’t have cheap anything. I had to imagine Slade had made a fortune by now in his own right as well, he could more than afford anything he wanted. I was honestly shocked he drove here on his own and didn’t have one of his minions carting him about.
“Small town,” I heard, as I tried to hide the fact that I was cringing a bit.
“Yes it is,” I said, gripping my glass way harder than necessary.
My body betrayed me and sat up straighter, trying to even stick my boobs out a bit.
Stop it!! Really, I don’t want to do this in front of my kid!!
Chase kicked me under the table and flashed me a shit eating grin. He thought this was funny, hilarious! He’d never really seen me squirm like this. I was always confident when his father was alive. I was always sure of myself.
“Slade Norris, this is my son Chase. Chase this is Slade… an old friend,” I said, trying to be as polite as possible.
God … please don’t try and sit. Don’t do it Slade.
Him sitting next to me in the booth would be absolutely a shitshow and the visual of him next to my son … well fuck I can’t wrap my head around that.
“Nice to meet you,” Slade said, sticking out his hand.
Chase shook it, and I was suddenly never more grateful I had such a good kid. Perfect manners, knew when to be polite. My Gene hadn’t even finished high school but he was a people person and believed in a good, firm handshake. You didn’t need to be the smartest crayon in the box to be the sharpest … just one of his many crazy sayings that I missed.
“Care to join us,” Chase said, and my face fell, immediately kicking him again.
Slade must have caught my face before I was able to change it, he tensed a bit but then relaxed as he looked back at Chase.
“I just ran in to get something to go. I appreciate it though, looks like they make a good drink,” Slade, nodding toward me.
“Absolutely delicious,” I said, raising my glass and taking a sip.
Strawberry frozen margarita, sugar on the rim … perfection. Don’t mess with a classic.
Just then the waitress came with our food and it was a great ice breaker. Taco salad for me and sizzling meat on a hot plate for my little bottomless pit carnivore.
“You guys enjoy. Nice seeing you Holly, nice meeting you Chase. Have a good night,” he said, turning to walk away.
He talked to the guy at the counter for longer than necessary before leaving with a giant bag of food.
I just knew he probably paid for our meal, I was certain. Part of me wanted him to, part of me didn’t. If he didn’t, then that would mean he sensed I didn’t want him to hang around. I wanted a clean break of these little encounters.
If he did pay then I’d feel like I owed him. Like he was saying he wanted me to follow up. I’d have to thank him. I’d have an obligation to talk to him.
Christ listen to me, am I drunk already?? No, I can’t be. I’m naturally a blubbering idiot when I see someone I was madly in love with for a decade.
“You okay,” Chase asked, as we both finished eating.
Now I was so full all I wanted was sweatpants and my couch.
“Do you think they make these drinks to go,” I asked, slurping the final bit of my heaven on earth.
“You’re so good at changing the subject. We’re gonna talk about this. You totally like that guy, it's too funny mom. I don’t know if you ever even looked at dad like that,” he said, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“Of course I did,” I snapped, as the waitress brought the check.
I quickly flipped it over and looked at it, grinning like an idiot because Slade hadn’t paid it.
“No, you didn’t mom,” he said, as he got up and stretched.
~Slade’s Point of View~ It had absolutely killed me not to pay for Holly’s dinner, nearly killed me. Natasha’s words rang in my brain and told me not to. Don’t step into her life waving your money in her face. That’s not the way to do it. I was so damn messed up over seeing her I ended up giving the counter guy $300 for a $42 bag of food and telling him to keep the change. Her son was handsome and polite, clearly amused with the little exchange too. Which means he’s probably more mature than his years. He wasn’t defensive though, he wasn’t throwing me shade or irritated. I felt that was good, if there could be any good at any rate. It stabbed a bit when she called me an old friend, but really what would she say? I supposed it was better than saying “someone I used to know” or “some asshole” from high school. I had to get out of my head, I really should get back to California. But I just can’t. Running into her tonight was a complete fluke, I hadn’t even been following her aroun
~Holly’s Point of View~What the fuck was I thinking getting naked in my ex-boyfriend’s pool?? Ugh. What if there are cameras?? Friggin’ idiot Holly. Not to mention leading him on. He … doesn’t even … live here!Like it matters! I’m not getting back with Slade!Thankfully he was a perfect gentleman when it was time to get out, he brought me a nice soft robe and didn’t even peek. I don’t think.Of course I’m self conscious of my body, I’m no spring chicken. My boobs thankfully lasted pretty well over the years, I’m not a sagging granny yet but I definitely have a bit of a muffin top, cellulite on my ass. Years of running my ass off at the hospital but eating like a dump truck. Damn hospital fries and chicken tenders being so good are my downfall.I was stupid to think he cared about my imperfections, he clearly didn’t. But knowing the kinds of women he’s probably been with and could have with a simple phone call if he wanted … yeah it made me self conscious.Slade should absolutely be
~Slade’s Point of View~ ~Fifteen Years Ago~ “Baby I can hardly hear you, the band just went on,” I shouted, irritated. She’d been calling all night, I had no clue what time it even was back at home and I was sure she was just missing me. She’s probably blown through the phone cards I’d left her. I missed the hell out of her but with everything going on and trying to keep the guys together and straight I barely had time to remember to piss. Holly knows what tonight means to me. To the band. We’re on a fucking worldwide tour, five guys from podunk nowhere Oregon currently on a stage in Austrailia in front of fifty thousand people. That shit just doesn’t happen everyday. My mind flashed to the marquee outside: TONIGHT ONLY: FEISTY - SOLD OUT Seeing that on the way in gave me a hard on like I’d never felt. I was 18 fucking years old and managing one of the hottest bands on earth. I got them a record deal like nobody gets, even bands that have been around a long time and sold million
~Holly’s Point of View~ “Really I can just get an Uber, that’s how I got here,” I said, as I fumbled to get my sneakers on. I had already seen a text from Chase asking if he could stay another night with his cousin, apparently they were doing a two day horror movie marathon. I used to be uptight about him watching that stuff but he thinks it's so funny and actually spends the whole time dissecting why it's all fake. My in-laws are also the sweetest people you could ever want to meet. Much like Gene and I, they were only able to have one child and it's always meant so much to us that Chase and Dylan basically grew up as brothers. Also, in my book, if he had a strong male friend to occupy his time he wasn’t chasing girls that much. Really, he rarely showed much of an interest. His life right now was baseball and I was more than fine with that. “Holly, just let me take you. It’ll be weird but cool to see Mama Anderson’s place again,” he said, shaking his head. “Yeah well, the only t
~Slade’s Point of View~ Holly finally caved and agreed to let me take her home. I was absolutely ready to come apart. There were a few times today I nearly broke down and cried, just ready to get on my knees and beg her to take me back. Having her in my arms again, breathing her in and telling myself she could actually be mine was too much. But I was never that guy to her. That’s not the guy she wants. She responds to my confidence, always has and even now I feel I can read her like a book. I know what she needs to hear and how. Sometimes it’s not talking, it’s touching. Holly is an extremely physical person, well she used to be. Even with the guys she would have her arm on somebody, be leaning. She had no problem sitting in someone’s lap or opening her arms if they were even slightly sad. She was like the mother hen of the band and maybe when we lost her … that’s when the guys really spiraled. I couldn’t keep them together anymore, and that’s when I hired Angie to run PR. She was
~Holly’s Point of View~ Slade always used to say I had a poker face that drove him nuts, he never could quite tell what I was thinking. What he was always thinking … was pretty obvious. Thinking with only one part of his body as a teenager with a girlfriend. But now he’s so different. It’s like he’s walking on eggshells with me, and maybe he is. It seems like he says just as much as he needs to, no more … no less. He’s carefully choosing what he says and I don’t like that one bit. We used to have conversations that lasted hours, just about anything and everything. Mostly … our dreams. We both wanted three kids, and two dogs. We both wanted to feel validated in our careers, to feel like we were doing something important and that mattered. It was obvious to us both pretty early on though that college wasn’t in our world view. The idea of extending high school sounded like absolute torture. If my mom hadn’t absolutely pushed me into nursing school I have no clue what I would have ended
~Slade’s Point of View~ Part of my brain was screaming that I had Holly right where I wanted her. That somehow, through some hole in the time space continuum of the universe she was back in my arms and she wanted to be there. She looked happy. But I knew damn well whatever she was feeling was just new, exciting. We were practically bathing in nostalgia, in the good times we had. I felt like we were both healing, we were both getting the closure on it that we needed. I just didn’t know if it was enough to propel us forward and not just close this door behind us. I knew her son would be a massive part of our story, if there would be one. She’s incredibly close to him, and likely wouldn’t leave Oregon if he didn’t want to. As we got dressed I couldn’t help but feel like this was a one off. Like this was just us physically needing to get it out of our systems. I couldn’t let that be. She’d just hooked her bra and began searching for her pants when I pulled her into my arms. I gently
~Holly’s Point of View~ “So when can we go,” Chase said, staring back at me with wide and excited eyes. “Tomorrow. I’m sure Slade can get us a flight quickly. We can run home and pack after this and you can crash at Dylan’s again. I’ll text you and let you know when we’ll come get you tomorrow,” I said, as the waitress brought our food. Large pepperoni, garlic knots and mild wings. We hadn’t even needed to order, once she saw us she knew what we’d get … creatures of habit. But it was nice like that, the small town life. Nothing like LA. “So are you guys like … together? You gonna stay with him tonight,” he asked, with a mouthful of garlic bread. I sighed and grabbed a slice. That was the big question. We weren’t … not together. I guess. Oh hell. When Gene had talked about me dating again the whole idea of it nearly made me sick. Not just the thought of another man touching me, trying to parent Chase but just committing. How could I commit to someone else after having the best