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Kabanata 15
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Her Buried Desires Kabanata 16
PicturePagkaraan ng ilang sandali, kumalma na rin kami ni Mommy. Nagsimula na siyang kumustahin ako tungkol sa trabaho habang nag aayos kami ng mga kubyertos sa hapag.Our conversation earlier made my heart feel lighter somehow.Hindi ko alam na kahit matagal ko na tanggap sa sarili that they will never love me like their real child, kakaibang sarap pa rin pala sa pakiramdam na marinig at maramdaman ang mga salitang 'yon mula sa kan'ya.If someone had told me years ago that I would hear those words from her lips, talagang hindi ako maniniwala.And I really thought that I had been numb for years. 'Yong tipong kahit anong sakit kapag pinapamukha sa aking hindi ako tunay na anak, hindi ko na iniinda. But the conversation we had made me feel a lot of emotions na matagal ko nang itinago. O, baka talagang kahit anong pilit kong maging matatag at umastang sanay na, nanlalambot agad ako kapag ito na ang pinag uusapan. It was really a sensitive matter for me.Natigil lang kami bigla nang may
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 17
DistantThey were sitting facing each other.Kahit na side profile lang ang kita sa babae, I am a hundred percent sure that it was her. Petite and curvy, with porcelain skin and chinky eyes. Nasisiguro kong siya talaga ‘yon.The place around them is also somewhat… familiar. Ilang segundo ko pa napagtanto na iyon ang lugar kung saan kami kumain last time. I can clearly remember the details and the ambience of the place! The same rose and heart decorations...So, I was right? Talagang may iba siya?Then why the hell would he tell me that he loves me? Para saan?At alam ba ng babae niya ang tungkol sa aming dalawa? The arrange marriage? And if she knew about it, what did she do? Pumayag na lang ba siya?It wouldn't make sense if she knew about our situation tapos wala siyang ginawa para mapigilan 'to, hindi ba?Dahil kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya, I wouldn’t let my man marry someone other than me. Kung talagang tunay kaming nagmamahalan, dapat ako lang ang ihaharap niya sa altar at wal
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 18
LiarNapalunok ako at pinagtuunan na lang din ng tingin ang fountain sa ibaba. Of course I’m guilty. Iyon naman kasi talaga ang totoo. Umiiwas ako.“Is it really that hard to be honest with me? I just want to know what’s on your mind.”Ako naman ang bumuntong hininga ngayon. Ewan ko ba. Naguguluhan na rin ako.I looked at him. He looked at me too.This time, his eyes seemed to be begging me for something. Batid ko ang magkahalong pagod at pagsusumamo roon.May parte sa akin na gustong sabihin na lang agad sa kan’ya ang tungkol sa nalaman ko noong nakaraang linggo, but another part of me also doesn’t want to hear the end of it. Baka kasi lalo lang akong manlumo sa kung ano mang malalaman ko.I’m not really hoping to rekindle what we had in the past.Kung ano man ang mayroon kami ngayon, gusto kong isipin na dahil lang ito sa napipilitan kami sa sitwasyon na kinapapalooban namin. And whatever happens inside of this situation, gusto kong isipin na labas pa rin doon ang kung anong mayroon
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 19
Lost & FoundLumingon ako ulit sa kan’ya at takang tumingin. Wondering what he said was for.“Huh?”Binalingan ko ang hawak niyang phone. Not really sure if he was talking to me or someone else. Pero nakababa naman na iyon at tapos na ang tawag.He sighed and then walked towards me. Pareho na kami ngayong nasa hamba ng gazebo.“I know you’re avoiding me. There’s really no point in denying it. I know. I just want to know why.”My throat ran dry. Akala ko ay tapos na kami sa usapang ‘to. I’ve been trying to have a decent conversation with him pero siya naman itong nanahimik bigla kanina. This was what he’d been thinking?I bit my lower lip and exhaled slowly. Pinag-iisipan kung sasabihin ko na ba sa kan’ya para matapos na pero hindi ko talaga alam kung papaano ko sisimulan.If I honestly admit that I followed him last time, iyong sa ospital, hindi ba pangit iyong tingnan? What I did was really weird and off-limits. Talagang napangunahan lang ako nang hinala kaya ko nagawa. Pero hindi ko
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 20
ForgetNagising ako sa marahan na haplos sa aking pisngi. Unang tumambad sa akin pagkadilat ko ng aking mga mata ang mukha niyang nakadungaw. His eyes were gently staring at me.“Did I wake you?” he whispered huskily.Marahan akong napakurap. My head is resting on his arms. Habang gamit ang isang kamay, his thumb lightly caressed my face. Ang buong atensyon niya ay nasa akin.Then I remembered that we slept cuddling with each other last night pagkatapos ng usapan na ‘yon. He didn’t say anything, but he was very touchy after that conversation. His embrace was so tight.At first, I thought that it was awkward. Dahil kahit papaano ay nahihiya pa rin ako at hindi gaanong sanay na ganito na kami kalapit muli. I never really imagined that this day would come. Ang lagi ko lang naiisip noon ay kung papaano kami makikitungo sa isa’t isa pagkatapos ng kasal.But now… here we are.It all felt new and familiar at the same time. Iyong tipong parang bago na hindi. As if it was a hobby that you lear
Her Buried Desires Simula
Stranger I was in elementary school when I first noticed it. Graduation ko that time and I was so excited to walk up on stage and receive the medal and diploma. At the same time, I was nervous and thrilled because of the valedictory speech that I'm going to deliver later. But when I looked around, I could not find them. My parents are nowhere to be found. Sabi nila ay mali-late lang. Kahit na class valedictorian ay hindi naka-attend si mommy at daddy ng ceremony dahil may sakit daw ang kapatid ko. Buong akala ko ay sa mga recognition lang sila hindi makakadalo at hindi nila papalampasin ang graduation, but I guess I was wrong. I remember pinching my fingers so hard para lang mapigilan ang mga luha na nagbabadya. The physical pain made me forget the emotional pain momentarily. Kaso hindi nakatulong ang mga naaawang tingin na natanggap ko mula sa mga guro at kapwa kamag-aral nang malaman nila na wala akong kasamang magulang ni isa. I was on the verge of crying nang inalok ako ng
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 1
Back I am completely lost in the moment. Hindi ko maalala kung pa'no ako nakarating sa table at naupo. Hindi ko na rin masundan ang usapan at tawanan nina daddy sa mesa. All I can hear is my heart beating loudly in my chest, as if it might burst at any second. Gustuhin ko mang abutin at inumin ang tubig na naka-serve sa harapan, but my hands quivered uncontrollably. Kahit anong pagpapakalma sa sarili ay walang nangyayari. Wala ako sa sarili at tulala sa kinauupuan. Ni hindi ko na rin masagot ang iilan at paminsan minsang bulong ni Elyse sa gilid ko na mukhang nag aalala dahil sa naging reaction ko. She must have thought that I'm having second thoughts about being here, about this stupid arrangement. Ang hindi niya alam... fuck! What on earth was he doing here, anyway? Don't tell me siya ang... pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang mesa. He's the only one here with my family, so technically, siya nga? Napasinghap ako sa naisip. Hindi ko mahanap ang lakas ng loob para balingan ito sa
Her Buried Desires Kabanata 2
Bracelet Nang makarating sa loob ay walang pag aalinlangan akong nagpaalam na aalis na. I had a strong inkling that daddy would voice his objections pero nang makita ko ang tipid na ngiti ni mommy ay medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. I took that as my cue to leave. Hindi ko na hinintay na makabalik si Aril bago ako umalis. I felt like a coward retreating somewhere safe. I could have stayed and tried to shrug off the uneasiness that slowly crept in me, but I couldn't. Not when he's near and absolutely not when his words are full of spite as if he's the one that was left with a broken heart. I guess I'll just have to resort to an excuse like a work emergency, or I could simply say that I'm feeling overwhelmed—which is partly true. But for tonight, all I wanted is to go home. To hell with him for thinking I'm running away. I couldn't care less about his opinion anyway. May iilang text si Elyse sa akin at nag aalala. I reassured her that I'm fine. Gustuhin ko mang kausapin pa siya na
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