Chapter 8

Chapter 8

One month later

Beckett King

POV

For the past month Sadie and I have been fucking like bunnies. I’ve been over to her apartment almost every night, the nights I’m working the night shift, I don’t but other than that I’ve basically been staying with her. The woman is everything I want and more in a woman, we sit on her sofa in the middle of the night and play video games, we talk just about anything.

Yet she tells me nothing about her life before Chicago. She hasn’t said anything about her parents or how she’s related to Chief. But then again, I could get into deep shit with the chief for sleeping with his niece. Yet I can’t help falling for her. she’s just everything you want in a girl, she doesn’t get jealous when I’m talking to other woman, she doesn’t make spend time with her, she encourages me to spend time with my brothers. I don’t know what else I could ask for in a woman. Yet that is not something she wants.

I think it’s time we get serious but she’s not interested in anything serious, I’ve tried talking to her about it but she just ignores me, it’s annoying really.

I’m sleeping at my parents place tonight this is where I’ve been spending the nights when Sadie’s working. I haven’t gone back to my apartment since Alexandra left two weeks ago.

One of the reasons I’m here tonight is because I want to ask my older brother for some advice. Damon has always been someone I could come to when I was either in trouble or just needed someone to talk to.

My brother and his family have been staying with this family and my parents’ house while they’re renovating his wife’s place. The house has never felt this cramped in forever.

I knock on my brother’s room door.

“Hey bro you got a second?” I ask opening the door and popping my head in.

Damon sits up when he hears me. He frowns “What’s up?” he asks.

I walk into his room; it looks worse than Lex’s bedroom did. I walk over to the desk and lean against I could not sit on the chair or the table, it was full of law books. Jessica has been keeping all of her shit here?

“You remember the girl I met in the club a couple of months ago? The one couldn’t get out of my head…” I ask him.

 Damon nods, says “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, I saw her again…” I sigh looking up at the ceiling. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

“Isn’t this exactly what you wanted Beck?” he asks

I bite back a sarcastic response. “She works with me Damon.” I grit my teeth. I was so far gone I was in bloody mars.

I watch my brother for his reaction and all he asks is “She’s a fireman?”

I pull a face and shake my head. “No, She’s an EMT, I sometimes work with her on the truck.” I tell him.

He nods. Damon has probably seen her at the hospital and at the BBQ a month ago. “So, you not going to ask her out because she works with you?” he asks

I shake my head sighing, I was fucking coward “Damon, she works with me. You know I do not shit where I eat. What if things do not work out between us if that is even what I want. I do not want to make things awkward at work for everyone. Her uncle is my boss, this is so fucked up.” I pause “I know I should not have come to you, but you are the only person I know who has experience with this shit. Look you are married to the love of your life, you’re starting a family together.” I was full of fucking shit. I wanted to ask her out. I wanted her to be mine but I was too scared to say it out loud.

I was fucking this woman daily; I was over the moon with how things were, but I wanted more, I wanted to make her mine.

Damon shrugs his shoulders. “Bro, you cannot expect me to give you advice if you don’t even know what you want. You can’t expect me to know what you want if you have no idea yourself.” He sighs deeply.

I look up at the ceiling before looking at my brother and nodding my head. “I think I like her Damon. She’s everything I want, she’s this really cool woman. We’re been talking for the last couple of weeks. And I’m starting to think I want more than just a friendship. I have no idea what to do. That is why I cannot just go up to her and ask her if she wants the same. When I do not know. This is why I came to you. you should know what to do. You are my smart brother.” Fucking hell, I want advice but I was lying through my fucking teeth. How is Damon going to help me when I wasn’t being honest with him?

Damon frowns and shakes his head. “Do I fucking look like Axel King? That shit does not work on me Beck.” Damon snorts.

I could not help but chuckle at his comment. “I wanted advice on what to do Damo.” I tell him seriously.

“Okay I will make it simple. Let’s say you only have one slice of the red velvet cake ma makes you for your birthday, and this chick asks you for it, would you eat it or give it to her? or would you share your one piece with her?” Damon asks.

Red velvet cake was my favorite and my mother only made it on special occasions, because I was the only one who liked it. which was I never shared it with anyone, not even my brothers or Alexandra. I frown thinking about whether I would give it to Sadie.

If I really think about it, it wasn’t a hard choice to make. “I guess if she really want it I would just give it to her.” I shrug my shoulders.

Damon’s eyes widen, he sits up straight. “Shit, little brother you do not like her. You are in love.” Damon says in disbelief.

  

Why is he making such a big deal over an imaginary piece of cake? “Because of a piece of cake?” I ask.

He nods, his eyes still wide.

“What does an imaginary piece cake have to do with love Damon? I knew I should have gone to pops, even though he would grouched through most of the conversation. He would give better advice than this, your conclusions are the worst.” I grumble under my breath. Really my father was the worst person to talk about these things with. The only advice he would give me was I need to listen to the woman I end up with and then grumble about me bothering him.

Damon heard me because he rolls his eyes and stands up from his bed. “Do I need to remind you came to me. Beck I am telling you; you are too far gone.” Damon says crossing his arms with a smug smile on his face.

I roll my eyes. Fuck I knew better than he did how far gone I was.

“Oh, for the love of all things holy. You did not Beck. All that shit about I do not shit where I eat? You fucking shit all over your fucking food, didn’t you?” he glares at me

Fuck how did he know? I made sure I did not give him any hint.

I sigh deeply avoiding eye contact with him. I close my eyes and take a dep breath. I forgot how well my brother knew me. “She has offered to sleep with me no strings attached. We have been I don’t know sleeping together for a while now. But I feel like I’ve attached a couple of stings without knowing I guess” I’m finally honest with my brother.

Look at him narrowing my eyes on my brother. “You fucked your colleague and then you want to tell me this bullshit about not shitting where you eat. Beck you are fucking screwed. You love her.” Damon pats me on the shoulder before walking away from me and laying on his bed eyes closed.

Doubt starts to seep in, what if she doesn’t love me back? What if she wants nothing to do with me after I’m honest about my feelings? “How do I stop loving her?” I ask Damon. I needed to prepare for the worst. I couldn’t possibly expect everything to be all roses an sunshine, I’ve always gotten the bad end of the straw, why would my luck start to change now?

Damon sits up and frowns at me. He looks at me for a second before sighing. “Beck, you cannot just stop loving someone. There is no way. That is insane.”

“I need to forget about her Damon. What if she does not want me back? What if she does not love me back?” I ask him in a panicked tone.

Damon sighs, he looks annoyed as fuck with me. “Beckett I cannot tell you what to do, I cannot tell you how to feel. Beck, you need to figure that out for yourself.” He says.

“You’re shit at giving advice you know.” I grumble.

  

“Beckett why the fuck don’t you figure out your fucking feelings and leave me the fuck alone. I cannot help you if you are in fucking denial. I know what love feels like. Love feels like if anything ever happens to that person you will die. You want to switch places with them. You care about their safety if they are not in your sight. You want to spend every waking moment with that person. So, Beckett do you feel any of those things?” he asks me.

His words take me by surprise and my hand slips off the desk and I fall on my ass on the damn floor.

  

I stand, I go into panic mode. Sadie doesn’t love, if she did she would have said so, she make me promise there was no strings attached. I do not want to lose her. I fucked up. I fucked this shit up.

This is too much like it was when I loved Jessica. What if the same thing happens with Sadie. What if she finds the man she loves and its not me? Why would anyone love me?

“No I cannot love her. I just cannot. it is impossible no!” I shout pulling at my hair. I’m starting to realize there is no future for Sadie and me. Not when she does not even like me.

“Beckett calm the fuck down.” Damon says rather loudly.

I shake my head. “Damon, you don’t know. You have no fucking idea what it feels like to love someone and them not loving you back. Fuck they do not even see you. Watching them with another person. I have been there. I cannot go through that again.” I pause, my eyes widen. Fuck, fuck this was going down hill so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny.

Damon frowns. “Why the fuck are you asking me for advice if you’ve been in love before. You should know what it feels like? Why are you here?”

How would I know what love really feels like when I always fall for woman who are not in love with me. “I came to you for advice because you know what if feels like for a woman to love you back.” I tell him.

Damon frowns “Was it that chick who lived next door when Jess moved? The one who ran away?”

I shake my head. I nearly gag at the thought of loving Lex in that way. “It’s not Lex Damon.”

“Then who? Who else could you possibly…” Damon’s eyes snap up to me. He glares at me. “No! no fucking way. No Beckett. No fucking way.” He looks like he’s about to spear the living shit out of me.

I look up at the ceiling I feel so fucking exhausted. “Calm the fuck down, I don’t feel that way about her anymore.” I sigh “She is your fucking wife Damon I would never do that to you, and I moved on. I do not want Jess.” I add.

To be honest, I haven’t felt that way about Jess ever. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted Jessica sexually, I was a fucking child, I assumed what I felt for her was love, but its nothing like the pain I’m feeling at the thought of Sadie not loving me back. I think I was just jealous of what Damon and Jess had. I was so fucking young I think I just loved her as a friend or I felt what g****e says to be puppy love.

“Damon, look I do not love Jess, I think I just loved Jess as a friend and I was jealous of what the two of you shared. It was puppy love I don’t know.” I shrug my shoulders.

“That does not make me feel any fucking better Beckett. I really want to beat the fucking shit out of you right now.” My brother growls at me.

I throw my hands in the air. This fucking guy wasn’t helping me. “You are not getting the fucking point, stay on topic. And tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do with Sadie?” I remind him.

He looks at me confused. “Who?” he asks.

“The girl from the club Damon, the girl I work with.” I nearly growl at the asshole.

He nods but he’s still glaring at me. “What do you want me to do?” he asks sarcastically.

I glare at him “Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do Damon.” I snap.

Damon’s body relaxes and he sighs. “I do not know what you should do Beck, I can’t tell you what you should do. The only advice I can give you is that the two of you need to sit down and be honest with each other” he advices.

I throw my hands in the air, my body drained. I walk over to Damon’s be and throw myself onto the bed beside him. “Sadie is not exactly the talking type. She will not even talk before and after sex. The only time she talks is if we are not talking about anything personal” I tell my brother. There is no way Sadie would sit down at let me express my feelings for her.

“Then do it at work. She cannot undress you there.” He tells me seriously.

My mind goes to last week when we did it on the rig. Heat rushes to my face before I could stop it.

Damon pulls a face; he looks so fucking disappointed me right now. I’ve never seen him look at me like that before. “You fuck at work?” he asks.

“It is not like that. It only happened once. And we had a moment to ourselves, and one thing led to another.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Then you do it at a restaurant Beck.” He rolls his eyes.

“Sadie would not do that either. It is too datee.” I remind him.

Damon gives me side eye. “Then I cannot help you, Beck. I am out of fucking ideas. This all on you brother.”

My turn to my brother and give him my best puppy dog eyes. “No, come on Damon you have to help me.” I beg my brother. This was something Axel would do to get his way, but I was so fucking desperate.

He frowns and sits up “No brother, you seem to have it all twisted. I do not have to help you; I already have a lot of shit on my plate as it is. I have to testify tomorrow against Mila.” He sighs.

I frown and sit up quickly... Shit I forgot about that. Damon does have a lot of shit on his plate, with the renovation, being a father to Anna and this shit going on with the psycho bitch. “That’s tomorrow?” I ask.

The woman was in my parents’ bedroom while they were sleeping, she had cameras in their fucking house, that’s why Axel moved in with my parents because he didn’t trust them being alone after everything that happened.

Damon nods. “Yeah, the prosecutor wants me to testify tomorrow, and Nash has to testify on Friday as a character witness.” He tells me.

The trial has been on for a while but Jess has refused to get involved. “How does Jess feel the trial now? Has she testified yet? Has she attended the trial yet?” I ask him.

Damon shakes his head. “She is still ignoring it. she is pretending as if it never happened. I get it I really do. She is not ready to deal with it yet.” He tells me. I am reminded that no one knows Jessica better than Damon and if he says she is fine then she’s fine.

I realize I should not have come to Damon with my problems I should have gone to my dad. “I’m going to talk to pops about Sadie and hear if there’s any hope for me.” I say getting up from his bed and heading over to the door.

“Beck?” he calls after me as I reach for the door.

I pause and turn my head to him. “Yeah?”

“Listen to your heart Beck, you’ll figure it out little brother.” He tells me.

I give Damon a smile and nod my head. “Thanks Damon.” I thank him before opening the door and walking out.

Once I reach the hallway Jess comes up the stairs she greets me with a big smile. I give her a small smile before rushing down the stairs and out the door. I do not know why but I needed a drink. I get into my truck and drive to the nearest bar.

I drink myself into oblivion. I do not even how I got back to my parents’ place, because I woke up in my childhood bedroom.