My first kiss was when I was just shy of fourteen.
I was visiting my grandparents when I met a boy just a year older than me right next door. And situated by an oak tree the first glimpse of intimacy was seen by me. It was quite awkward and filled with uncertainty which was usual for those with little experience.
In time the older I got the less shy I became with accepting an attraction when I felt it.
It had been some time since that encounter at Ms Friedman's home. When I managed to come downstairs after getting myself together I left in a hurry to mentally process what just happened. Though I wasn't familiar with what exactly went on with Nicholas' world till this day I chose not to ask too many details of the things he did or the skulls he had to crack to acquire the level of respect and fear he had.However, after that encounter I was once again reminded there was a part of him that I didn't completely know. To be honest I couldn't exactly forget the fear on that man's face when he told him about some issue that needed his attention. It reminded me that although he was feared to me he would always just be Nicky.
But the night did spark more questions inside me and yet anytime he did call and tell me about his day, I chose not to push him. In the end I wanted to form an opinion about him through my own eyes and not through a perspective influenced from how others acted towards him. When I confessed my interest in him, Marcie reacted a lot differently than I expected.
Barely shocked she remained composed and me told me she suspected something all along especially when he showed up at campus that time to 'see' her. Another thought that often wandered into my mind whenever I spoke to him was the mention of the name Sonny. It seemed whoever this person was he had a significant role in his life if it meant he dropped everything he was doing to go see him the first time we truly sat down to talk.
As a result I became slightly unfocused, lost in space trying to piece things in the dark about Nicholas. There was no fighting it, he had disrupted my mind.
On one particularly quiet day I couldn't sit still thinking about him and wound up closing the book I had taken off the shelf in the local library that was close to my apartment. I stood up taking in the mostly empty space and moved around aimlessly with no mental compass lodged in my brain of which section to go.
I ended up perusing the section that covered European to American history which had been my other preference to study in high school. I was always caught in a bit of a dilemma. In as much as I would have loved to experience what a day in the Prohibition Era was like the discrimination against my gender and skin dims the eagerness inside me to seize the opportunity to travel back in time.Pausing mid-step I took out my phone when I heard it vibrate in my front pocket. I pulled it out smiling when I noticed a message from Marcie complaining that she was bored out of her mind. She had left with her mother to go visit her aunt who lived out of the city and with the free day on my plate I decided to make the most of it. When I told her what I was doing as expected she called me a nerd for finding thrill in the words on a page. But what could I say, I couldn't help it.
Taking a seat on the floor I found myself flipping through a book on the French Revolution. Paris had always been one of the places I wanted to go. In a way I was fascinated with the cultures embedded within the city and secretly hoped one day I'd be able to go there one day.
"We just got that book you asked me about some time back, the one written by J.K Rowling," a soft voice said making me perk up to find the beaming face of the librarian, Mrs Jackson staring down at me.
"You finally got the "Tales of Beedle the Bard", would it be weird if reached out and kissed you?" I asked earning a chuckle from the woman who brought life to that place.
Although I had read that book when I was younger when I was going through a serious phase of reading only fantasy I remember being left captivated by it. With a flashlight resting in my hand under the blankets the rustling of the trees outside became mute to the words on that page and it was in that moment I knew I wanted to be a writer.
"A simple thank you will suffice " was her response.
"I have always wanted the original version of the book but it is so expensive."
"Well one day you'll be able to get it, probably sooner than you least expect," she replied nodding my way before turning on her heels. Glancing back down at the book I ran my hands gently across the page, the texture of it comforting.
"I don't know anyone else who goes to the library in their spare time other than you," the distinctive quality of his voice would always affect me. Closing the book I turned to find him leaning against the shelves. Staring down at me, his smile widened as he unfolded his arms causing the grey fabric of his sweater to stretch across his muscular frame.
Clad in a pair of black jeans I took him in, appreciating the simple attire that fit him well as he moved to stand directly before me. He joined me on the floor, his knee brushing mine in the process.
"Such a shame, it's one thing to be a criminal and it's a whole other crime on its own to be illiterate," I joked looking at him.
The only thing lacking in that library was the space between our bodies. Any miniscule move would result in a brush of clothed skin creating a yearning that emerged from deep within.
"Don't think this place will stop me from punishing you for trying to press my buttons, Liyah," he cooed.
"I thought you'd be visiting your mother with Marcie and how did you know where I was?" I questioned completely trying to ignore how the threat did more to worsen my desires.
He chuckled reaching out to grab the book in my hand, "Nah not this time around, but she will be visiting and in terms of the second question do you really have to ask?" he murmured making me mentally face palm myself at the fact it was obvious.
"Marcie."
"Bingo!" he said nudging my shoulder gently, "And not only that but I wanted to see you. Don't think she gave up the info easily, I had to cough up some money in return."
I chuckled when I noticed the way his frown deepened by his cousin's apparent tactic to abuse him, "You know you could have just asked me where I was, was it really necessary to go through all that trouble?"
"One of a lion's best tactics is the element of surprise."
"So was the bargain worth it?" I questioned trying not to smile when his eyes lowered to my lips.
"Depends..."
"On what?"
"If you'll give me a bit of your time today."
And there it was...
***
Once the doors of the library opened I'll never forget how befuddled I was when he led us towards an empty bus parked in front of the building. Stopping short he turned to look at me, his eyes a beautiful sea of light blue that made his smile all the more welcoming when he sensed my apprehension. "Don't be scared," he grabbed my hand and as expected it was enveloped in his much larger one.
His rough skin stood as a clear reminder of the trials and tribulations he faced in having to use those hands to attain his goal.
Truth was I could never be scared of him at that point which was why I allowed him to lead me towards it to find the doors opening where I met Mr Ruiz, a man whose appearance in my life although short would remain imprinted in my brain due to the fact he was a willing participant of Nicky's scheme. "This is Mr Ruiz; he was an old friend of my father's."
"Victor was the sweetest guy in the world, he owned a little barbershop that I used to hide out at when the wife was getting on my nerves," Mr Ruiz joked watching us enter the bus. Once we settled onto the seats, it wasn't long before we were on the streets moving along.
Looking out I turned to find him staring at me, "I have to admit I've never been on the bus at a time when it was completely empty."
"Just thought I could prove to you that I am a pretty normal guy," he clarified squeezing my hand gently.
I turned to observe the area to only look back at him with a look of disbelief at his reason, "By renting out an entire bus? Yep, your goal to come across as normal is definitely working, Nicky," I replied sarcastically earning a laugh from him. It always made me feel fuzzy inside seeing the corners of his mouth lift up with utter glee knowing that I was the reason behind it."Fine, how about..." he paused pursing his lips, "romantic because rest assured unlike Mr Ruiz over there I wouldn't hide away from you if we got into an argument," he stated making me unable to block the blush from forming and upon impulse I looked down at my lap only to feel fingers on my chin compelling me to look up to find a fire burning in his orbs, "Don't hide away from me."
And without thinking twice about it I replied earnestly so, "Only if you don't."
The minute I said it his hand dropped from my face, the loss irking me but I wasnt disappointed for long when his eyes moved away to stare outside the window for a second or so before he spoke.
"I was born into a pretty loving family with a mother who's Jewish and father who was Irish. Their love was the kind you'd find hidden away in some fairy tale. My mother's parents were against the union, claimed that it was best she stick to her own but they loved each other. Although we didn't start out with much, in the areas we lacked, the love was what got us through," he paused pointing towards a Starbucks by the corner of a street and mumbled, "that used to be where my dad's barbershop was before things changed," he mumbled his voice dropping till it was barely audible and it was through this change that I learnt more about him.
"What happened?"
He sighed looking back at me and I felt myself being transported to the first time I saw him on those steps. The pain behind his eyes drew me towards him despite the danger signs surrounding him. "When the economy got bad, my father pushed by the need to continue providing for us got involved in some things that admittedly he wasn't proud of. In my neighbourhood it was rare to have an honest job but my dad had done all he could to avoid getting into that life. And when he needed work he was introduced to one of the families that ran the city through a friend he had known since they were kids named Sonny. His family was one of the most prominent ones that managed to survive and maintain power over the city and admittedly when my father got a small job to survive things weren't so bad. With Sonny by his side he managed to navigate the world he was in and once he became a made man that's when shit became a tragedy of its own."
I kept quiet, allowing him to say all he needed to say, "At first the families weren't too thrilled about having an outsider involved since all of the members had to have some Italian blood but my dad proved himself. And to be honest it was cool as a kid having a father with that kind of respect, it made the other kids think twice about messing with me. But that novelty quickly wore off w-when..." he shuddered closing his eyes as if in physical agony and the sudden need to offer comfort at the painful trip down memory lane was what led me to rub gently circles into his hand.
"You don't have to say it if you don't want to."
"Yeah?"
"Yes," I assured, "I don't particularly like seeing anyone upset."
He reached out wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me in closer and I settled against his chest taking in the scenery. For the rest of the drive he showed me around the different spots he used to hang out. His mood brightened as he asked about my life and we shared light-hearted stories all while pulling me in to admit to myself for the first time that I liked him.
Family, it's one word made up of three syllables yet its a word infused with so much emotion and drama.Victor Walsh was born within a family that lived within a predominantly Italian and Jewish neighbourhood. Within the depths of poverty that saw some of his own friends joining gangs involved in extortion and other illegal activity, he vowed to stay away from that life and build himself up as an honest man. From what Nicholas told me, the only real positive side that came with being in that environment where families were destroyed as a result of the violence was when he met Eva Friedman. Their love was doomed to meet conflict from her parents who saw the union as nothing short of toxic. But they were wrong because from that union came a son by the name of Nicholas David Walsh. For a while we sat in the bus allowing it to take us along different streets that held a history of its own. And once we disembarked we thanked Mr Ruiz who eyed us both with a sneaky smile that always made m
It was a skill in itself to have control and be able to withstand the inclination to scratch that itch. Ignoring it was not easy and when you navigate through life and come face to face with more obstacles you learn that it's not supposed to be simple. I had done my best to steer clear from anything that held the potential to destroy my ability to control myself. Unfortunately the resistance I built to withstand anything went out the window of that car. With my mind focused on the feel of his hand it took finally coming towards a luxurious building to snap me back to reality to turn quizzically in his direction. "I was serious when I said I was stealing you away," his voice came out just merely a whisper as if conveying a secret. And walking on wobbly legs I allowed him to lead us into it, with his arm wrapped around my waist keeping a firm hold on me. The power emanating from the man beside me will never cease to baffle me especially with the way the few people who lingered in the l
Once Victor Walsh was convicted for a crime he didn't commit, being the only one left in his mother's world Nicholas stepped up. At just the mere age of fourteen he allowed himself to be immersed in the world that came with Hell's Kitchen. It hadn't been easy to enter that life. Once word spread about his father's downfall and you add in the lack of Italian blood, danger was sure to follow them. But Sonny Giovanni placed Nicholas under his wing and vouched for him to everyone who held doubts about their loyalty. Once he proved himself it was only natural that by the age of twenty-three Nicholas took a blood oath and joined the family. It was completely unprecedented to have someone like him be a part of the mafia and rise up the ranks from a mere foot soldier to a boss at just thirty-four. And he had made it clear to me that first night we spent in each other's arms how imperative Sonny was to him and that he owed him a lot. It had only made me intrigued to meet him at some point w
The Families were organized in their structure. One can start out as an associate before proving to be worthy enough to become a made man. Once an official member you can settle into the role of being a soldier, the one on the ground engaging in the activities that would involve getting your hands dirty. There was a chain of command where any order from the top would travel down to the very last man. It was quite intricate with the three highest positions making up the administration such that it would be hard to tie any boss of the family to any crimes that occurred on the street. The city back in the 1980s experienced a lot more violence that occurred whenever it came to issues over territory or eager individuals who felt they were worthy to carry the title of being either a captain or Boss. Although these families thrived, when they were nearly destroyed due to so many members being either buried six feet under or going to prison - there had to be a change. As a result the remai
I'd like to think I've done all I could to be a descent and good person. In the thrilling time spent being immersed in a new world there often comes the alluring temptation to abandon all your ways and succumb to an overwhelming need. Stepping into my apartment after my father left I wasn't sure where to begin with Nicky. Throughout the time my father had been there, the moment that we shared had settled in the back of our minds on a slow burn. However, with him gone it returned to the forefront bombarding us with the question on what to do. Doing my best to ignore the dark look in his eyes I scurried towards the sink and busied myself with cleaning up only falling short when there was nothing in there to help distract me from the anxious feeling. And till this day I blush and find my breaths coming out short at the permanent mark he made when he came and stood dangerously close to my delicate frame. "Just breathe," were the words I vividly remember chanting over and over again in m
There are people who are meant to exist in your life for a certain season who eventually fade as you evolve. In time those who were once meant to be forever will become a blurry face whose name you often fail to recall. Yet with someone like Donovan and as time would reveal Marcie they were the people I hoped would not become a distant factor in my life. At the end of the day as you go through life you need other people. Humans weren't meant to survive on their own. As such it was hard to come to terms with one of the most important people in my life literally ghosting me. I was not oblivious to the reason. I knew Donovan's cold shoulder was due to Nicholas being in my life but I couldn't help how I felt. Marcie comprehended where I was coming from and had even tried to help but it was useless. Nicholas had told me not to worry but Marcie called his words utter bluff to hide his relief that I wasn't spending so much time with the other male. But I missed his company; school wasn't
It all began with a ring in the late hours. It was a time where the dark meandered in every corner of the streets over the sleeping souls to disrupt me. Initially annoyed at my peace being demolished that feeling was pushed aside at the voice on the other end. Past the cloudy lines of sight I haphazardly threw on my clothes not caring about how I looked when all I wanted to do was help him. I had never been to the police station before. When it came to the law I kept a respectable distance and preferred to just obey it. It's funny how I wound up with someone like Nicholas. Someone who was painted in the colour of grey in relation to whether he obeyed the law or not. But there I was waiting impatiently, leg bouncing to soothe my anxiousness and when his forlorn face appeared I jumped out of my seat to see if he was in any pain. The dimness in his eyes aggravated by the bags around them, almost made me forget about the mild smell of piss emanating from his dishevelled clothing. No mat
There were many things I wanted to do in my life before my time on earth ended. When I came to a new city in sought of something new I managed to get it. I managed to step out of my comfort zone. Nicky once mentioned the beauty that existed in his world and after our first ever argument came to an end we were still in a good chapter together. When he asked to make it up to me, the idea I had in mind certainly didn't involve holding onto him for dear life whilst he whisked us away on his Harley Davidson . It's pretty funny in a way, as a little girl I had always fallen in love with the idea of having a gallant prince charming on a white horse coming to take me away. Now as a woman, I wound up falling for a man who was far from being ever defined as royalty who smoked cigars, drank hard liquor and rode a long-distance cruiser. Yet I was happy wearing a wide grin as we moved with the land splayed before us, begging to be explored. At first apprehensive to get on the bike, he insisted a