In the end, Julian did give me the day off. It was clear that I didn't have the strength in my body to face workday with such a hangover and sadness surrounding me. And when the hot water fell on my body, I cried like a child who has lost something that can never be replaced.
Honestly, I don't understand why I did it.
Maybe my tears were because I was angry at myself for wasting so much time. The wedding was supposed to be a significant thing for him and his family, especially his mom… so I was willing to wait. But it’s turns out that it only mattered that I was pure — even if I had hard times controlling the heat that often attacked my body.
And I don't know how long stayed in the shower, letting the water mix with my tears… But after the shower, I laid down on the bed that didn't look comfortable as Julian's. Perhaps I fallen asleep, I'm not sure… Eventually, I noticed that my eyes were snapping towards the ceiling and that the birds were singing excitedly outside.
At least someone needs to be happy today.
I hear the phone ring and reach out for it, seeing, on the screen, that there’s dozens of missed calls and many other messages. Inevitably, my stomach twist as I see the nickname in Eric’s contact — My love.
Opening the contacts, the first thing I do is change the name to CHEATER… It suits Eric much better.
But my peace doesn't last long because soon a new message from the CHEATER appears on my phone and, when I open it, notice that he’s been calling me for the entire night, sending messages at very short intervals.
[Please pick up…] it was repeated at least twelve times.
[I love you...] I could see… at least fifteen times.
But the record is, undoubtedly — [I am sorry].
I know he doesn't feel sorry, not really. If Eric is sorry about something, it's because he's been caught. There's no way that someone who claims to love me sleep with someone else… let alone my best friend…. Who, by the way, also left some messages, but I won't bother to look.
Suddenly, my phone starts to ring. I watch as the call persists, until it naturally hangs up.
And a new message from him pops up on my cell phone, [Could we talk?]
Well, it’s better… so we can end this once and for all.
My fingers are steady as I type, [Meet me in the coffee shop at seven].
There are still a few hours until our meeting, so I toss my phone aside with dry eyes. Somehow, my chest is calm, and I no longer feel like crying.
There are no more tears to be shed for him.
The coffee shop is quiet, maybe because it will close soon.
I chose this place because there's a certain comfort in being here. Many times, during college, we would come after a very difficult exam, or simply because we wanted to stay close. Now that those hectic times are over, we have drifted apart as well.
Even though the beginning was not that way, I did love Eric. On the beginning, I accept his proposal to run away from my feelings… to deny something that was inside me — but I did learn to love him.
Now that we're sitting facing each other, separated by a small wooden table, beside a vast window that shows the busy street of New York, I feel that, perhaps, I didn't love him enough. After all, my chest is so at peace right now.
I should be in tears at that moment, right?
Yet, I feel absolutely nothing… apart from a bubbling anger.
“Angel…” Eric's voice is meek, and I can see the fear in his expression; his lips are curved downward, and his eyes are slightly reddened. Perhaps he has been crying. “Why have you been ignoring me like that…?”
“Why?” I interrupt him harshly, “You betrayed me, Eric. You cheated on me with my best friend.”
“I can explain, it's not like that-”
“Let me guess, you accidentally got naked, and she accidentally rides on you?” I frown when find him evidently embarrassed.
Eric shifts uncomfortably in his chair, bringing his hand up to the back of his head.
“I know I made a mistake, Angel, but believe me… there's nothing between me and Laura…”
“Except that you fucked her.” I cut him off again, feeling my blood boil even more.
“It was only sex… I'm a man, Angel. I have desires, it's natural…”
I scoff, crossing my arms and averting my eyes — really, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
“You're the one I love, you know that.”
“Oh?” I turn my eyes back to him, so sharp they could cut. “What I know is that I keep my virginity for you while you were cheating on me. Four years, Eric!”
“Dear, you know how important this is to my family… I love you so much, and I want us to have our first time when we're married-”
“That's bullshit.” I point my finger at him, “You don't make sense.”
“Look, it's like when you leave your favorite food to eat at the end…”
“Did you really compare me to a damn food?” I slam my hand on the table, drawing attention and curious eyes to our conversation.
“Angel, honey, don't be like this, that's not what I meant. I just… want you to understand that I want to preserve you… I didn't want to ruin what's between us…”
“So, because you can't keep in your pants, you chose to cheat on me, rather than do what is expected — like sleep with your girlfriend?” I shake my head, “I respected you. I waited for you because I thought virginity was something important to you-”
“Virginity is something important to me, honey…”
“Mine. My virginity is important to you. It should be ours! We should lose it together, on our honeymoon! That's what I expected when you said that your family wants to wait!”
I feel tears return to my eyes and a lump settle in my throat. I'm stressed and angry… I can even feel the muscles in my shoulders tensing.
“You're so precious to me, my angel, believe me….”
That's enough. I can't stand to hear his voice anymore.
I stand up, watching as his eyes widen and become desperate. He tries to take my hand, but I pull it away… And I know my eyes are cold, that he's not recognizing me at this moment… After all, just to please him all this time, I pretended to be someone I'm not.
For him, I held myself — and I'm tired of doing that.
Now, I'll do whatever I want.
“You don't have to worry about that anymore, Eric. From this moment on, there's not the slightest possibility of you touching me, now or in the future.”
“Angel-”
“And if you don't understand what I mean, it's that I'm dumping your ass, Eric.” I give a sweet smile, “I'm dumping your fucking ass.”
Before he can stop me, I quickly leave the coffee shop and, thank heavens, manage to get into a cab before he can catch me up. And as the driver goes to the address I gave him, by the streets of New York City, I listen to the song playing on the radio, enjoying the irony of the lyrics, which talk precisely about breakups.
My chest feels lighter, but anger still bubbles up inside my veins.
All I want is to get rid of this burden — to be free, to be myself.
And before I know it, I'm already in front of my building… In the elevator.
The number 12 flashes on the display, and the metal doors finally open. There are only two apartment blocks, Julian’s, and mine. The hall connecting our doors suddenly seems smaller and empty, as if there's no furniture, although the couches and everything is in its place.
I take a deep breath, filling my lungs to the peak.
And I swear I can smell Julian's scent… The smell that I felt impregnated into the skin of his neck. Just remembering makes a shiver goes up my spine.
Can I really do whatever I want?
“Hah, Eric… For four years, you made me keep my virginity…. Because you wanted to marry a virgin, you made me be pure…. And yet, you cheated on me all this time?” I mutter to myself, staring at Julian's door. “Looks like your angel is starting to fall.”
My legs seem to take on a life of their own because instead of going to the door of my apartment, they go to Julian’s — and my hands also act on their own by pressing the doorbell.
It doesn't take long before the door opens, revealing that incredibly beautiful face and wet blond hair… Once again, his scent now really envelops me.
“Angelee?” He looks at me confused.
But I just open my lips, saying slowly… “Julian, I want you to fuck me.”
Julian looks at me with a serious expression… He blinks a few times, trying to understand my words, seems like hallucinating…. “Say again?”“I want you to f-” Julian pulls me by the arm into the apartment, preventing the word fuck from fully escaping through my lips again.He closes the door with one hand, keeping his fingers firmly around my arm… His firm touch makes me even more sensitive.“Are you high?” Julian asks seriously, and in the face of my rolling eyes, as I disengage myself from his grip, he completes, “You're definitely high.”“Why are you looking at me like I'm insane?” I cross my arms, making my breasts bounce in my cleavage. And I can swear that this draw Julian's eyes for an instant, even if he quickly turns away.Hum…“Because you seem to be high.” He sighs, running his hand through the blond hair, “Are you listening to yourself?”“Yes. I want you to take my virginity.” I say firmly, and he grunts, “Listen, it makes sense! You're handsome, women are always at your f
I stare into the mirror, noticing the deep dark circles under my eyes. I couldn't sleep well after leaving Julian's apartment… Now, I look awful.Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. Not even the shower and the hot coffee is preparing me to face this day. Because not only I have to meet Julian — who’s inevitably my boss — but also Laura, my best friend, who was screwing my boyfriend.It’s time for facing the reality.A new day, new life.Courage is leaking out of the pores of my skin, and I'm seriously considering making up some excuse. Maybe I could say that my head still hurts? Or who knows, some big unforeseen event has come up? Should I call Dad and whine for time off?A grunt escapes my lips and I grab my hair. No way, Julian won't leave me alone.I take another deep breath and pat my cheek twice, encouraging myself with a smile, fixing my hair and finally leaving the apartment, praying to heavens that my day will be peaceful…But of course not. The universe is constantly playi
Laura and I first met during our late years of High School, when I arrived in New York to chase my only family member left — my father… Someone I came to know existed when my mother was already fighting her final battle with cancer.She was my first friend in this great city…. Someone I could trust and who would jump into a burning building to save me if necessary… Or so I thought.And perhaps that's why, more than watching Eric sleep with someone else… it hurt to know that it was with Laura. Almost eight billion people in the world, and he chose to cheat on me with my best friend.Honestly, that's what has been taking away my sleep… who knows how long they're stabbing me in the back like that.But now that she's standing in front of me, looking at me with a cold expression… I can't help but feel a shiver run down my spine. She's with her arms crossed, looking down like she feels sorry for me. And her voice is also harsh as she says, “We need to talk.”Laura tucks a lock of her red ha
“Are you feeling better?” Julian's voice is soft and brings a cozy warmth to my chest, as does the mug between my hands.I lift my eyes, staring at his worried expression. He's standing by the door, holding the doorknob with his big hands that make it practically disappear.After he saw me crying, Julian brought me quickly into his office. The blinds were down, so no one could see how I was crying, even though the floor was really crowded.Honestly, I feel so embarrassed for crying at work… But I simply couldn't help it. Knowing that Laura is pregnant… that she said things so mean… It really hit hard…But I wipe my tears away and give him a comforting smile, clutching the cup in my hands… a delicious coffee that Julian picked up in an attempt to comfort me.He closes the door and approaches me slowly, but his steps are wide, so it only takes a few secs before he's sitting down beside me. His body is so big that it seems to take up the whole couch…. And I feel his arm brush against min
The week seems to pass slowly. I feel like an eternity has already unfolded before my eyes, but it's only been a few days since this hell began.My clumsy hands searched for the pack of cigarettes, and I remember of trying it for the first time when I entered high school, when my mother spent more time in the hospital than at home, before I even knew about my father's existence. From then on, I smoked in secret — one of the habits I gave up on for Eric, who said he hated the smell… Even though he didn't know that this tiny, seemingly insignificant weapon was constantly on my lips.The feeling of putting it back into my mouth after so many years is both exciting and frightening. But I light it and take it in deeply, leaning against the terrace railing.The nicotine brings relief to my frayed nerves and a sense of nostalgia that inflates my lungs. The smoke that I expel causes a slight burn to my eyes, yet it appears to carry the burden that has been placed upon my chest.The view from
… My angel, you're everything to me; the air I breathe, the reason my heart beats… And I don't know what will become of me if I spend one more instant away from you. I hope you can forgive me because I can't imagine my future without you. — Absolutely yours, Eric.Letting out a loud, rueful grunt, I crumple this damn card within my fingers…Hah, I can't believe he's doing this to me.How is Eric able to write such empty words, after everything he did to me…? After impregnating Laura!… Laura.My eyes follow Laura's desk, and I notice that her expression is furious like her trembling lips. I can see the flames of hatred burning in her eyes that always seemed so innocent.I take a deep breath, turning my eyes to the delicate flowers, the white petals that smell so sweet, but cause me nothing but a screaming anxiety… an urge to run away, to simply disappear…Especially when everyone around me seems simply delighted with the attitude of my thoughtful boyfriend, without ever imagining the
I never considered myself a lonely person. Eric and Laura have always been there for me, as have Julian and my father. But this Friday, when I find myself without the people who, for years, have been my pillars, I feel loneliness creeping up on me like a shadow, enveloping me in a cold embrace. Even my apartment feels empty and cold without Daddy's radiant presence, who's traveling for work and isn't expected back yet.But I did consider knocking on Julian's door and asking him to stay with me today, but this is a day when he usually meets with his flings. We're only a few steps apart, and the desire to see him is just shouting inside my head. However, since he brought me home after our brief kiss, an uneasy silence has settled between us. I could see regret shining in his eyes, along with uncertainty. And this inexplicably hurt me. I take a deep breath, staring at my room that has too many memories in objects, with picture frames on the bedside table. Pictures with Laura, Eric, and
My body is on fire.Our lips only part for a breath to fill my lungs, but soon our mouths are together again and our tongues intertwine in a slow, enveloping pace… with an intensity that I never imagined be possible.Julian's hands are exploring every inch of my skin, but it doesn't seem like that's enough because he's constantly trying to find out more about the parts of my body. And I want to get rid of all these clothes as soon as possible. I want him to get rid of his as well — which is why my nervous fingers search for the buttons of his shirt, without breaking the kiss.I unbutton the first ones, allowing his cologne to get even stronger. And I can't help but caress his collarbones, which are bulging from the workout. I bite his lip, tugging slightly as my fingers search for the next buttons.Julian grunts against my lips and moves them apart, sliding his mouth down my chin and even lower, to kiss my neck. I inflate my lungs again and tilt my head back, allowing him to leave a w