JaredMy head throbs, my back is on fire, and I have no idea what's going on. It feels worse than the time I woke up hungover after my twenty first birthday party. My best friend Alan threw me a surprise party. Laynie and Anna weren't old enough to drink yet, so we celebrated with a few college buddies. We all woke up feeling like death and were in the middle of grocery store parking lot with homeless signs stapled to our stomachs. We never did remember what the hell happened the night before.I try to open my eyes but they are so heavy I just keep falling back asleep. Around the third try, I finally get enough strength to open them just slightly. What I see around me surprises, and put me at ease at the same time. I'm in a damn hospital. No one around to ask why, but I can finally pin point the smell. When my mother died of breast cancer I was in the hospital with her every day until her last. Being only seventeen, I ended up skipping school quite a bit. I had to. I was the only one
LaynieI've been irritated before, but nothing like this. I have been poked and prodded and have had enough. I want to see my husband. When my nurse leaves after her third attempt at putting my IV in, the two detectives that spoke to me earlier, walk in. I'm getting sick of these two. We have been at the hospital for hours and all they keep telling me about Jared's health, is that he is resting. Well this time they can shove it up their ass. I want to see him. I don't know what he wants me say to everyone that keeps asking me questions.It was obvious those men knew him, I just don't know if should say anything. Detective Stephanson walks up first. He reminds me of one of my college professors. His long legs but larger belly is almost laughable. He has shaggy blonde hair and looks like he hasn't showered in days, but I do prefer him over Andrews. When I woke up a few hours ago I had been told that Jared and I were on two different wings of the hospital. I wasn't stupid, I knew when t
JaredMy eyes slowly drift open. The pain is still intense, but I no longer feel like I am going to pass out after each breathe. The room is quiet and I wonder how long I've been out this time. I drifted in and out all day yesterday and if it weren't for nurse Candice coming in before her shift ended this morning I would have never known we have officially been here one day. I also asked nurse Candice how Laynie was and when I would get to see her. She smiled and told me to turn to my right. I did so, slowly, by her request, and never have my eyes seen a more beautiful sight. She lied there, in her own bed, which was not there the before, with her hands holding the pillow very tightly. She always did like sleeping like that. When I told Nurse Candice that, she smiled and told me to take care and left. She seems to have a story, but I'm not one to pry."Your awake."My thoughts of this morning are cut off by the voice I've been yearning to hear for the past 24 hours. I look to my right
Laynie I listen to everything Dr. Toring is telling us later on the next day. We are all set to go home and are getting instructions on how to care for ourselves privately. We both have express orders not to strain ourselves too much and to make sure we take our pain medication as needed. Jared is hunched over tying his shoes that his best friend Alan brought over. He is having a hard time bending over from the bed, but Alan makes no move to help him. I think he understands that Jared needs to do certain things himself, to not make him feel like he is dependent on us. Alan and Anna were our best friends in high school and college. When we moved to New York we continued to stay close, but I can tell Alan tried harder than Jared did.When Alan called Jared's phone last night, I knew I had to let him know what was going on. Jared was in a lot of pain, even though he wouldn't say. So, me and nurse Candice had a silent conversation, and five minutes later she came in the room with his pa
LaynieOnce we got home and Jared settled on the couch, I walk over to the kitchen to start dinner. Partly because Jared and Alan should be hungry, and partly because I really need to keep busy. Being back here where this whole thing transpired, has enraged me with mixed emotions. When we first walked in the door I noticed all the blood was cleaned up and the furniture arranged back to where it belonged. It feels good to be here and not be belittled or beaten for any little thing but at the same time I'm walking on eggshells. What if the real him comes back in the middle of the night? What if he just turns into him mechanically again? What if he is just being truly genuine to me? I burry myself in making curry and rice.One thing I wanted more than anything in the world was to one day have my own restaurant. I have my culinary arts certificate and was a sous chef when we were back in Minneapolis. Jared had his contracting license and a job working with a buddy's father. we were doing w
JaredThe darkness is trying to come out. It was never like this with Laynie before. It just clarifies my previous thoughts on something happening this past year. Of course, now I know what that was. I put my hands on my girlfriend. On my wife. I used to kick guy's asses in high school if they even talked shit about their girlfriends. Now I'm one of those pricks. No, I'm worse. I cannot believe I have ever put my hands on her. When the detectives told me about her previous injuries, I knew. I just knew I had done something wrong. I may not remember but I could feel the darkness trying to escape. It feels stronger than it used to. When me and Laynie started dating in high school it almost vanished. I knew it was still there but it was never present around her. When my mother finally passed from her illness, I thought it would try to come out. I know I needed a release of some kind to escape the pain of the loss I had, but Laynie was there for me the whole time making the darkness onl
LaynieI take my time in the shower feeling hesitant about my upcoming talk with my husband. Jared scared me earlier to the point where I went into my safe space. Whenever Jared got drunk and wanted to fight with me, that was where I went. The first time was an accident. He had shoved me in the kitchen when I refused to remake a dish that was completely fine. I fell into the little space between the refrigerator and the pantry doors. The space couldn't have been more than a foot wide but when Jared saw that I was trapped in there he left me alone. From that point on whenever he would get violent in a drunken state I would hide in there. It killed my back each time and I usually got scratches when trying to come out but it was better than the alternative. Way better. Once the water gets too cold for my body, I leave the bathroom and go back into the bedroom. I put on my comfy pajamas of gray flannel sweats and a black tank. I stopped wearing night gowns when Jared told me that I was
JaredI was never a man of faith. My father instilled on me at a young age, that if I wasn't going to be successful and powerful on my own, then I wasn't welcome in his home. So, praying to God every night wasn't allowed. When me and Laynie started getting serious her sophomore year of college, she asked me to go to church with her on Christmas Eve. It was a tradition that her and her father did ever year. It was awkward for me, but I dealt with it because I wanted to be with her and I knew this was important to her. I never told her, but I didn't enjoy the festivities like she did. I guess my father had more to do with my upbringing than I give him credit for.I drop to my knees, and for the first time in my life, give a silent prayer to God that Laynie can forgive me. I know without a doubt that I did that to her. I burry my head in my hands and fist my hair. What the hell have I done to her? I'm getting sick and tired of asking myself that question. I'm getting sick of feeling sic