CHAPTER NINE

KOLE’S POV

“I can’t do this,” she repeats.

I regret leaning in for that kiss now, but it felt like she was leaning in for it too. I guess I need to take things slower with her.

To be fair, I have pushed pretty hard. I’ve probably been a little too honest and straightforward. It’s hard to hold back when I feel so strongly about her.

I’ve really tried to grasp onto our connection and make her see it. I feel like it’s too obvious for her not to see it. So, I figured she must be moving at the same pace as me regarding how she feels about all of this.

But that’s also putting a lot of pressure on her, I see that now. We haven’t known each other for long and I came right out of the gate with talking about our strong connection.

I still believe in that. I know we have a strong connection. I can feel it with each touch, each word.

I know we are mates. We are meant to be together.

But maybe I need to pull back a little and give her more time to get used to that.

“We don’t have to do this,” I say. “No kisses yet. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“No, I don’t mean that. I don’t mean I can’t kiss you. I mean I can’t do this,” she says.

That can’t be right. I must be mishearing her. Misunderstanding her.

“Something is getting lost in translation,” I admit. “I’m not really understanding what you’re saying at all.’

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I mean, I can’t do this whole thing.

“I can’t keep spending time with you like this. I can’t be here with you right now like this. We can’t keep saying these things.

“We don’t even know each other. It’s impossible to have such strong feelings about each other when we don’t even know each other. We just met. This is absurd.”

Each word she’s saying hurts more than the last.

“I don’t understand though,” I say. “I feel like… like we’re mates.

“Don’t you feel that connection too? I noticed it from the moment we were together. It’s strange, surely. Especially since we haven’t known each other for long.

“But it’s real. I truly believe that. What we have is real.

“I haven’t felt this way about anyone else ever in my entire life. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?”

Yet it feels like I’m looking at a stranger now. For whatever reason, Kierra is closed off to me. She has shut down completely.

“You don’t know me,” she says. “There’s no way you can know me so quickly.”

“How about we give it time then,” I say. “I’m sorry, I’ve moved so quickly with you.

“I shared how I felt only because I thought you felt the same way. I never wanted to push you into anything you weren’t ready for or anything like that. I thought we were on the same page.

“Now that I know we aren’t though, I won’t keep pressing the topic. We can move at your pace, whatever you feel comfortable with. You can take the lead and I’ll respect that.”

Kierra shakes her head. It feels like I’m losing her and I don’t understand how or why.

How can I lose someone who’s supposed to be my mate? This sort of thing is not supposed to happen,

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “That just won’t work. I need space. I need to get away from all this.

“It’s muddying my mind, distorting my thoughts. I simply can’t do this.”

“So, what do you want to do?” I ask, cursing myself for moving so quickly and causing all this to happen.

I’ve scared her away; I know I have. I should’ve kept it to myself.

I panic. I’ve ruined this, haven’t I? I overestimated her feelings for me. I got it all wrong. Now I’m going to pay the price for that.

“I think I need to go,” she says.

“Where?” I ask. “You were alone when I found you. You really want to go back to the pack that was horrible to you?”

“They weren’t all horrible to me,” she says. “And I’d have to go back eventually anyway. All of my stuff is there, and I can’t just disappear without telling anyone where I’m going.”

“At least let me bring you back,” I offer. “It’s safer that way. I’ll at least bring you back to your pack.”

I’m hoping that if I can buy more time with her, maybe I can make her see what I see. Maybe I can make her change her mind.

This is all wrong. She has to see that. I don’t know how she doesn’t. Her leaving me is all wrong.

“That’s not a good idea,” she says. “You’re a rouge. They might come after you.

“I need to go by myself. I’ll be fine. I’ve wandered these woods before and in my wolf form I have a great sense of direction. I think I’ll be able to find them again.”

She stands and my heart starts breaking.

“Please,” I say as I stand next to her. “Please, don’t go. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.

“I’ll give you space. I’ll do whatever you want. Just please don’t go.”

I hate how weak I sound, but it’s how I feel about her. I feel like I’ll fall apart if she leaves right now. I can’t handle it, I truly can’t.

“It’s not you,” she says. “It’s me.”

I scoff at the oldest line in the book.

“I know it sounds like a cop out,” she says, “but it’s true. You have been amazing.

“I appreciate you showing me this place, helping me, spending time with me. I appreciate you letting me get to know you better. It’s been wonderful.

“But now, I have to go. I’m sorry, but I do.”

Without another word, Kierra shifts into her wolf form and takes off into the forest.

I watch her go, then I get on my motorcycle and I drive.

I don’t know where I’m going. I just keep going fast and faster, trying to get her out of my head.

I don’t need her.

I don’t want her.

I’ll find another woman who wants to be with me.

It was just a crazy chemistry thing. I’ll forget all about her in time.

I’ll find someone else.

If she was truly my mate, she wouldn’t be able to leave me like this anyway.

I howl into the sounds of the forest because I know she’s my mate. I felt it the first moment our eyes met.

Kierra is my mate and I love. I love her. I lost her. And try as I might, I’ll never forget her for as long as I live.