Napatitig ako sa labas ng bintana. Rayle's apartment is on the top of the mountain. Thus, we could see almost everything from our rooms.I sighed. Should I or should I not?I was nervously fidgeting with my fingers. If ever I get my hopes up, I will surely get hurt. I don't know if I could still handle the pain if it happened twice. I will surely die of literal heartbreak."But what they told me makes me think about it thoroughly." I looked down.When I heard the door of the balcony open, I looked at it. I saw Rayle's alpha coming out of Rayle's room.He looked at me, smiled, and bowed his head. "Hello, you're still up?"I slowly nodded my head. "Yeah," I answered, looking back at the scenery in front of me. "Usually, I was already dead asleep, but I couldn't.""Too many things on your mind?"I only uttered an "En" while nodding my head twice. Well, it was normal for me to talk to other alphas like this since I am not the type of person who likes to talk a lot now.Since that day, I
Even though my head is throbbing with pain, I still carried myself out of Rayle’s house. Hindi ko na sila ginising dahil alam ko na masarap pa rin ang tulog nila. Si Haru naman, siguradong nagising iyon ng maaga kanina dahil sa narinig ko ang pag-iyak ng baby niya.I quite envy Haru for some reason. Alam ko na hindi dapat dahil sa hindi naman niya ginusto na mabuntis noon pero alam ko naman na malaki rin ang naging role ni baby sa buhay ni Haru dahil alam niya na ito ang nagpapalakas sa kaniya.Kung may anak kaya tayo, Takeru, iiwan mo pa rin kaya ako?Napahawak ako sa sintido ko at hinilot ko ito. Ah, bakit sa lahat ng oras ay naiisip ko siya?"Sir, okay ka lang po ba?" Binuksan ni Aoi ang kaniyang mga mata at nakita niya ang pag-aalala sa mukha ng taxi driver. "Sorry, para kasing hindi ka okay," he added.Ngumiti ako. "Sorry, masyado po bang halata?"Tumango naman ang taxi driver sa akin. "Halata. Omega ka po ba?"I flinched. "Um," I uttered."Kung nag-away kayo ng alpha mo, I think
Nag-aalala akong nakatingin sa TV nang makita ko ang balita tungkol kay Takeru. I know that he's a well-known businessman and that there are a lot of people watching his every move. However, right now, ngayon ko lang na-realize kung gaano siya kakilala. That realization makes me feel like sh*t.Napakagat na lang ako ng ibabang labi ko at pinigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko. Ever since I came back here, I couldn’t control my emotions. Dahil doon pakiramdam ko ay parang mali ang pagbabalik ko. I thought I could finally face him without blinking or getting hurt, but I guess that was just wishful thinking.Ah, Aoi, what are you doing to yourself? Why do you love tormenting yourself?I shook my head. No, hindi ito ang time para sa mga negative thoughts.Napabalik ako sa reyalidad nang marinig ko ang pag-ring ng cellphone ko. When I saw who was calling, I unhurriedly answered."Goddamn it, Aoi. Kanina pa ako tumatawag!"I guess I was right. Kahit kelan talaga itong si Kenji, hindi pa rin maali
I stared at Takeru’s number. I felt like I wanted to give him a call, or at least I wanted to know how he was. I don’t want to torment myself, but I also don’t want to talk to him.‘Why have you always loved hurting yourself, Aoi? Kung hinahayaan mo na lang sana, hindi ka na sana masasaktan.’But I can’t bring myself to let him go.I stared outside my apartment in a daze. My mind seems to be going to explode from the headache, and up until now, my heart has not felt at ease. Siguro dahil alam ko na may nangyari kay Takeru at hindi ko pa magawang makausap siya. Still, I don’t know how to approach him. After all, I don’t have any reason to do so.I want to know if he’s okay, but I don’t have the courage to do so.Why do I have to suffer like this? Why do I have to be in pain? All I did was let him go. I let him go. Hindi ko na siya pinghawakan, hindi ko na siya pinaglaban. Hinayaan ko na siyang gawin ang gusto niya, pero bakit? Bakit ako ang nasasaktan? Bakit sa kaniya parang wala lang?
Since I didn’t get any reply from him, I did my best to busy myself. Nilagay ko pa sa drawer ng table ko ang cellphone ko, and I turned it silent. Pakiramdam ko wala akong ibang gusto na gawin kundi ang magtrabaho. I sighed.Umaga pa lamang ay pakiramdam ko ubos na ang energy ko. I just saw him once, but I feel like it drained all my energy. I wanted to hug him to make me feel better since his pheromones make me feel safe and relaxed. But I always reminded myself that there was nothing between us anymore. That everything was only a memory. Should I give up already?Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t. Hindi ko alam sa sarili ko. Ilang beses ko na ba sinabihan ang sarili ko na dapat mahalin ko rin ang sarili ko kahit konti? Ilang beses ko na rin ba sinabi sa sarili ko na kailangan ko rin naman pagpahingahin ang sarili ko sa sakit? Marami na. maraming beses na. Sa sobrang dami na sa loob ng limang taon ay hindi ko na mabilang. “Mr. Takeshi?” Napalingon naman ako at nakita ko si Do
Napatitig naman ako kay Takeru when he opened the window and looked at me. My heart is beating so fast, and it's as if it’s going to jump out of my chest. I stood by the side of the road, looking at him in a daze. My heart is racing, and my emotions are battling.Memories of our past started to flood into my mind, both sweet and painful memories we shared together before we ended everything between us. The car in front of me is the very same car he always used when we were going out or when he was picking me up. It gives me a lot of fear knowing that every part of this car in front of me has memories.I bit my lip, a nervous habit I developed after we broke up when I was uncertain about something. I didn’t reply first. I looked around, searching for a taxi that would pass by, trying to distract myself from the internal struggle I was facing inside me.I really wanted to decline. I looked at him, and he looked like he was hurt and wanted to cry. Ako ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako
Para akong timang na hindi alam ang gagawin. Nagmadali akong umuwi ng apartment ko nang matapos akong bumili ng mga kailangan ko sa convenience store. Up until now, sobrang lakas pa rin ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung anon a ang dapat kong gawin dahil ang utak ko ay na-stuck up sa moment na magkasama kami kanina ni Takeru.Shit! I don’t know if I could handle this kind of stimulation.I mean, what if this triggered my heat again? Kahit na amoy na amoy ko ang pheromones ni Takeru kanina, kahit na gustong gusto ko na maghubad sah arapan niya, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I know I let him hold my hand, but I don’t want to do anything beyond that. After all, even though he took the initiative to hold my hand earlier, it was still considered cheating.He already has a fiancé. So, I am hesitating about whether I should run away or let him do what he wants. I want to run away since I don’t want to be the reason for him to lose all the things he built up, but I also want him to do w
Napatitig na lamang ako sa kisame ng apartment ko. I know that something is meant to happen sooner or later. But what happened earlier really caught me off guard. I mean, why did he do that? Was he the same? Unable to move forward, I mean.But I don’t think so. I don’t think that was the case for him.I closed my eyes, and my lips twitched a little when I remembered something. Right, there are only five weeks left before that so-called gland removal. Was it because of that that he did that?Hindi naman talaga ako magpapatanggal ng gland. It was just a spur of the moment since my circle and I saw him with his fiancé at the wedding boutique, picking a wedding suit. Sino ba naman ang baliw na magpapahalata na naapektuhan ka ‘di ba? Mabuti na lang talaga at super supportive ng mga kaibigan ko.And about Rayle’s words: I pondered about it, and his words still echoed in my mind as if he were keeping on repeating them to me. I closed my eyes and thought about why I should reveal my identity