My confusion and anger comes to the surface again right after I finish one more cupcake and my caramel macchiato. Don’t laugh. It’s like my body knows what I need so it urged me to feed on some energy before prosecuting what my heart want.
Probably twenty minutes behind Adrian’s departure, I put the remaining cupcakes in the fridge and head straight to shower. I have one mission and I want to get my hand on it as fast as I can.I cannot wait to tell Lincoln what’s on my mind.I cannot wait to tell him to shove his unneeded judgement to where the sun don’t shine.An hour later—God, I hate driving in this city—I charge into Stewart’s, having no care about the closed sign on the door. I know he is here. He must be. There’s no other place Lincoln will be but here.The brightly lit room welcomes me. But the broody butthole behind the bar?Not so much.Lincoln stares me down like he doesn’t have any idea what I am doing here. Well, maybe he doesn’t, but it is just because he didn’t know that he don’t have the right to pry into my personal business. That’s my mission; I’m here to make it known to him.“What is your problem?” I ask, few steps away from him. No chit-chat. I am nothing if not a straight-shooter.“What do you mean?” He put the glass he has been drying with a white clean rag on the counter. Confusion is written all over his face.I'm not buying his act. “Seriuosly?” I ask with my hands o my hips.Lincoln shrugs those wide shoulders in response.He just shrugs!My irk-meter is blown off to the roof by the way he was acting. “What the hell is wrong with you? We had never really spoken and suddenly you thought you have the right to meddle into my life? You are Adrian’s best friend but you’re not mine! We are not even friends. So why do you care, huh? What makes you think it was okay for you to talk about my business behind my back? And to my own brother?” I yell out in exasperation.Suddenly silence dominates the air. My heavy breath is met with no acknowledgement from him. No, I don’t take his shaking head as a proper response to my outburst. I am mad and he won’t get away with it.I step closer until only the bar separate us now. “You really are a jerk, you know that?” I say to his face. “Remember how you manhandled me that night? And, now, this? If you still don’t get it, let me spell it to you, Mister I-dont-give-a-fu-ck-about-anyone-else’s-feelings. You have no say. You. Have. No. Say. So, stay away from my business. Stay away from my life. Stay away from me. Just like before.”Something flashes in those brown orbs and it was gone before I can figure out what it was. It happened so fast I am not sure it was real or not. We stares at each other, doing this staring contest again. But, now I intended to win.“Well, that’s hot,” familiar voice chimes in.I hold my gaze until Lincoln shifts his to Tris who I reckon is standing behind me somewhere. What I cannot hold is the thriumpant smirk that lift the corner of my lip. Yes, I win! Thanks, T.Tris perched her mid-forty-but-looks-like-thirty-something body two stools from me and beams at us. “Is this finally happening?” she asks, wiggling her brows. “Are you two finally realize you are made for each other? Because if that wasn’t a lovers’ quarrel, I don’t know what that was.”She sighs dreamily. “You know, I always thought that you both will end up together. Look at how perfect you are! A broody mug and an angel. I couldn’t find any better match than the two of you.”I can hear the smile on her lips. The excitement that shine from inside her is difficult to ignore. But as tough as it is, I have to crush her hope.Lincoln beats me to it. “Shut up, T.”That is the first word he said after my rant, and that was not the answer to my questions. That was not even for me. I don’t think I can get any angrier, but the matter of fact is, I do.“Sorry, Boss,” T continues. My guess is she misinterpret the sparks of anger that floats around us as another kind of sparks because she doesn’t stop. “But, seriously, Sugar, you don’t have anything to worry about this beast here.” She throws her thumb at Lincoln. “He is a real teddy bear. Trust me.” She then pats my hand a couple of times. “You will be lucky to have him.”She veers off of the track too far. I have to stop her. But, heaven forbid if I have to do anything. Again, Lincoln beats me. “Shut the fuck up, T.”I cannot believe my ears.I grip the edge of the counter hard enough to restrain me from exploding. He don’t get to speak whenever and whatever he want! And that was no way to speak to an older lady.I slide my eyes to Tris to convey my apology for this bastard’s rudeness before I am back at those browns. It’s darker now. “You shut up, you impolite jerk!” I growl through clenched teeth. “And there aren’t any lovers in here, T. It will never be,” I enunciate each words in my last sentence slowly.Another thing flashes again behind those eyes, deeper than before and making them even more darker. I blink in confusion at what I was just witnessed. It’s gone though, but the noticable aftereffect is there. Lincoln’s usual golden brown eyes is dark and gloomy. It’s like he is feeling sad.I shake my head internally, refocusing myself on the task at hand. “Stay away from me, Linc,” I command. Then I send Tris a small smile. “See you around, T.”With that, I leave the brightly lit room and the two persons behind. I don’t know why, but with every step I take I feel this upleasant feeling in my stomach. It’s getting worst when I reach my car.What is happening to me?I rethink about what happened, what I said. I rethink about what Lincoln did and said. And then my mind recalls his dark and gloomy eyes.Why does his eyes look so sad?I shake my head. Stop thinking about it!****I drive home in a daze, my mind keeps replaying Lincoln’s sad eyes. And each time, the feeling in my stomach worsen. Now after everything was out, I begin to think that maybe I over-reacted. Maybe Lincoln was just looking out for me. Maybe he thought of me as his little sister he should protect. Maybe Adrian was right. Oh, God ....But, no! He doesn't deserve my guilt. After ... after that, he doesn't deserve anything from me.Damn it! Why do I have this conflicting feelings?I bang my head to the headrest, hoping the hurt will distract me from this gnawing feeling I feel within. I couldn’t find any satisfaction I thought I would feel. When everything is said and done, what was left is–A vibrating sound interrupts my train of thoughts. I glance at the lit up screen before turn left and lead my car to the assigned parking lot. I unlock my phone.Nate : wanna hangout tonight?Joy instantly kicks the worry out of my head and fulfills the space inside the car. My heart begins to race in
I wonder how many times a heart can break until it could not be repair again.I got my first hit today. It was when the only girl I ever loved told me I didn’t have any say in her business. She told me to stay away from her life. She told me to stay away from her. Believe me I tried. I really did. Beside, at that time, I didn’t want to have an intimate meeting with Adrian’s right hook. He has a mean one, even back then. But, this wasn’t a problem anymore. Nothing get past my best friend. He was—and still is—observant to a fault. I still remember the day when he outed me. I chuckles to the thought. Fuck, did I really think I could hide something this big from him? That night freshmen year in college, we were at a beach. Although we were new, we always got invited to any upperclassmen parties because of his and my dad’s names. Adrian was making the best out of it. Me? Nah. I was busy pining a certain brunette back at home. “The fuck, Bro?” drawls Adrian. He is pissed drunk. “Yeah,
“And then he was grabing my hair. And ... and ... he cupped my face. He kissed my jaw, my ear, my neck. I lose my grip in reality because of his touch. Oh ... my ... God.” I suddenly sit up. “We kissed in the middle of Gonner's crowded dance floor. I can’t believe I did that!"My Korean face mask plops down on my lap like a used wet tissue because of my sudden movement. I pick it up and resume my position beside Mo, mindlessly putting the mask back on my face again. It’s okay, five minutes rule apply to face mask too.I continue my story. “But that kiss, that kiss, Mo ... hands down. It was the. Best. Kiss. I’ve. Ever. Had. In. My. Life! It’s like he took some classes for mastering the artrt of kissing somewhere. Or maybe he was just had a lot, I mean, practice. But, I don’t care. I was the one he was kissing last night. I hope I will be the one in the future too,” I describe everything that happened last night until I am out of breath and out off my mind thinking about Nate’s lips on
I hope to heaven my Lyft will be the only thing canceled this afternoon. I order a new one and enter Adrian’s address. Then I can’t call Nate’s number fast enough. Looking at the clock on the screen, I see it’s just three twenty nine. He shouldn’t be on his way to Stewart’s right now.Fingers crossed I don’t have to let my kiss go. Please, please, please, pick up, pick up, my heart chants as the call connects. Nate picks on the third ring. “Bryanna?”“Yes, it’s Bryanna,” I confirm. Who would have thought answering a phone call with question will be a trend today? “Eh, sorry.” He chuckles. “I didn’t expect your call.”“Yeah, me too.” I curse Adrian in my mind. “But my brother just called. He went out of the country and asked me to dogwatch. So ....” I trail off, not sure how to say what’s on my mind.“So what, Beautiful?”“Hm, so ... if you don’t mind, would you like to come to his apartment instead of meeting me atStewart’s? I have to stay there because my building didn’t allow pet.
Detaching his lips, Nate says, “I waited all day to do that.”“Yeah?” My voice is hoarse from the kiss.He kisses me again as an answer.We do this for awhile, a long while, and I still could do it longer if not for the fact that we need to breathe. Drawing out, I inhale deeply before starting another round. Kissing him is officially my number one favorite activity to do right now.I can feel his lips twitch with his usual cocky smirk and taste the satisfaction in his tongue. He likes the way I reacted to his kiss. He likes it that I like his touch. “Nate,” I moan his name.He chuckles. “What do you want, Beautiful?” He asks on my lips.I want you. I want you so bad. I want you, like, yesterday. But, I couldn’t say that out loud. I recall one of Morwenna’s advice she deemed is the keys to a successful dating. ‘Push and pull, Bry. Know when to push and how to pull. The art of this push and pull is what will lure him. And remember, don’t show all your cards.’Well, it’s too late to hide
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I roar. I fucking roar like a lion at the scene in front of me. My blood is boiling. My heart feels like it would bursts out of my fucking chest. I can’t even, fuck! Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck!I clench my fists so damn hard I’m sure it’ll bleed soon if they don’t fucking stop. They should have stopped, like five seconds ago. Or, my fisted hands won’t be the only thing bleeding ....That fucking asshole is shirtless, hovering above Bryanna while he fucking devours her like a starving mad man. His lips on hers, his hands, fuck, I don’t want to think about where his hand was, still is, but ...."Fuck!"My booming voice finally, fucking finally, stops them and prevents them from mauling each other any further. He looks up, as Bryanna turns her head so she can see me standing here fucking fuming. “Lincoln, what are you doing here?” she rasps, wide-eyed, scrambling to sit and fix her half ridden shirt.I look at her and catalogue her state: tousled hair, flushed
So, some of you might say that I’m a fool. Others might think I’m crazy. You know what? I think of myself as both: I am a fool and I am crazy.I am a fool to be in love with a girl who not only didn’t know I love her, but also pretty much on the way of loving someone else. I am crazy to keep pining on her eventhough this feeling is most likely never to be reciprocated.In his song, Mokita said he needed to know that he didn’t fall in love alone this time. Well, whoever you are, tell him a good luck from me. Because, here, I already know that I’ve fallen in love alone, all this time.I knew it and I couldn’t stop.I knew why and I won't stop.That’s the thing about love.It didn’t have a switch. You love when you love. You can’t turn it on, or off, anytime you want. Or, in my case, when I discovered that there’d be no love between us, as she said to my face.Sad? Yes.Pathetic? Absolutely.But, what can I say? What can I do? Nothing.Beside ....“Wanna play truth or dare, Je?” I ask the
To say last night was perfect is an understatement. To say it was ruined is another understatement. Because we’re talking about two different elements here, you know, two determining persons; Nate and Lincoln.Nate made it perfect because, hello, his kiss. And his presence. He made my heart flutters. He woke the butterflies in my belly and sent me flying high. Despite all, I have to lock Jerry in my room and I felt guilty about it. I still am.Meanwhile, Lincoln, well, his timing sucked like nothing else. Why did he have to arrive in the middle of the most amazing moment of my life? He made the situation freaking awkward for a while there. But ... if I have to admit something to myself, Jerry is in the best hand now. Lincoln took care of him as best as Adrian, if not better. You can say that they make co-parenting look so easy. Jerry is well-loved thanks to them.Ugh.After they left, Nate said he was no longer hungry so he ended up bringing the pizza home at my insistence. Soon, I was