6. The One Where I Revisit

"In every part of the universe, you're going to stay angry at him?" Kriti mused, but a smirk was apparent on her face. It was amusing for her how Kabir and I were fighting, ignoring each other for past few days.

Ignoring her jab, I removed the cover from the flowers and put them in the vase. Glancing down at the rotten flowers, I smoothed down one of their petals with a sad smile. How ironical. We love them at the first, but when they start to wither, they were just a thing of a sore eye. All they desired was love and care of someone to realize how important were they, that once you loved them and you can love them again.

"I'm not angry at him," I stated, slouching on my hostel bed. "I was at first, but not now. I can see from where he came, but he lied."

She hummed, walking steadily around the small room of mine and Fiza. "Good thing she's not here," she said, "She gets on my nerves every single time. How do you handle her?"

"She has a good heart."

"Ah, sweet Alina, thou hast cleft my heart in twain," She said dramatically.

Squinting my eyes at her, I replied, "I haven't broken your heart by praising someone else."

"A one who doesn't deserve." She danced around the small places, letting her fingers brush through the spine of my novels and took one out. "I'm taking it."

A small voice in mine argued to not let her take it. Who knew how was her care for the books? What if she ruined it or put her coffee mug on top of it or wear the edges? I was being insane. She wouldn't do it, and I need to relax down. It was just a book. She would return it to me as soon as possible.

With a heavy heart, I nodded and laid down on my bed, seeing the white blank ceiling and missing the one in my home. I had pasted stars on it, that glowed in the darkness. It felt like even when it was dark, stars would shine on top of mine, guiding and showing me a path to the light. It made me see that only in darkness we could see the light and understand its value.

It was Kabir's idea.

A sudden ache erupted in my heart, clenching it bit by bit. The day when we fought reeled back in my head and the pain intensified. Closing my eyes, I took deep breaths, focusing myself back to the present. It was done. It was over and we were apart because we were different from each other and he lied to me.

He lied to me because I'm sick.

I groaned lowly under my breath.

"Are you okay?" I could hear the concern in her voice.

"Yeah," I forced out. "Just tired after college. Do you wanna go out?" I sat on my bed, staring at her, but before she could reply, the door of the room opened and Fiza entered with she wasn't alone. When I stared at her back, I realized a boy was with her. An unknown boy.

What the hell? Boys weren't allowed in the hostel.

I stood up abruptly, shock plastered on my face, but it was Kriti who asked, "Boys are allowed in the hostel? I didn't know that, but Kabir told me they weren't." She faced me. "That's why he never came. You lied to him?"

"I didn't!" I hissed. "What-"

"Rules are boring," Fiza said and dropped her handbag on her bed. She swirled and smiled at the boy, while I clutched my wrist tightly under my arm. The room was packed with people, not enough air to breath.

My gaze maundered across the room, looking for a sign to breath. Too many people, not much space. My eyes stung, but I pushed it back and took deep breaths. In and out. In and out. It had to be done.

"But they're rules," Kriti stated. "You pervert, get out of here. This room doesn't belong to your wannabe."

Kriti and Fiza stared at each other, compelling another to back down. Their fight wouldn't die down just like that. I had no idea what problem this two harbour for each other. In the starting, they used to get along fine, but later it changed, Kriti developed a sting eye for her. However, she never told me to part away.

Fiza turned her face to mine. "Alina, it's just studying. I promise."

"Do it in the library," I said, tightening my grip on my wrist.

She hesitated before replying, "He needs to speak and you know how is our librarian. Please. Understand. You know I won't do anything to put us in trouble."

I side glanced at Kriti, who was busy glaring at the boy standing at the door. Maybe I was thinking over, maybe it was just an innocent study and I had to get over it. Like Kabir said, I couldn't blame every single man I meet for the sins committed by that bastard. I had to get over it and maybe my decisions were still influenced by what happened. Always on alert, not losing myself and being carefree.

With a troubled smile, I said, "Fine, but he should not be here after 6. You shouldn't do anything inappropriate in this room. And, as long I'm here, keep him out or do it in the library. I don't care how much troubling it's for you. Else I'm telling the warden."

Shock plastered on her face. "You wouldn't."

"I would." I stared back at her. I would do anything to protect myself, even if it meant fighting with my friends. My safety was far more important to me.

"Have you gone mad, Alina?" Kriti hissed at me. "A boy is in your dorm room. What would Kabir say?"

"As far as I remember Kabir and I are fighting. And he doesn't make decisions for me," I said firmly. I was tired of hearing what Kabir would say, how Kabir would react. Was in this relationship my all actions depended on Kabir? Wasn't I my own person? "Can we go now? He would be gone when I'll be back."

I grabbed my sandals from the side, wore them and without glancing at Fiza, I went out of the room along with Kriti who shook her head at me.

"That girl will land you in a big trouble one day."

"Then what am I suppose to do, Kriti?" I demanded. "Ask her to kick him out. Do you think she would've have done that? She would've hidden it from me, carried him through some other way. At least I'm aware right now."

"You can change rooms."

How do I explain it wasn't that easy? Changing rooms would require coaxing to some other girl, learning to adapt to her and I wasn't ready for it again. It took a lot of me to adjust a room with Fiza, and going through that again would only wear me down more and it was the last thing I required. I couldn't take more medicines, aware of what they would do to me.

"I don't wanna talk about it. Let's grab a coffee and you wanted to shop."

She gave me a disbelief look, but didn't ponder on the subject anymore and nodded.