PAIGE
I take advantage of the weekend without Owen to pick up extra shifts and increase my pay at the end of the month. I'm saving up because I know I can't live with Jo forever. Owen and I need to become independent.
On Monday, during my second class, Jo sends me a message letting me know that Ashton has just dropped Owen off at daycare. I have another twenty free minutes, so I use them to try and locate (this time without a map) the cafeteria. I think I remember the way and turn onto the streets of the campus that I recall. There's a coffee machine in the faculty lounge, but sometimes during these downtime moments, a proper coffee would be nice, one that doesn't taste like stale water.
I push the door to the cafeteria, the warmth envelops me, and finally, I can stop walking hunched over in my sweatshirt and jacket. I get in line; I've seen several classmates with coffees in class, and I can down one in the ten minutes I have left. I wait for about two minutes when I feel someone step up behind me, encroaching on my personal space. I turn my head slightly, and party boy gives me a graceful smile.
"Hey!" he says to me. "Paige, right?"
I nod slowly.
"Yeah, and..." I hesitate. What was his name again?
"Samuel," he responds.
"Right, sorry, first week and lots going on."
He smiles and runs a hand through his military-style haircut.
"No problem, but I didn't see you at the party. No worries though, we're having another one this weekend. The fraternity's open for whenever you want to attend."
I nod again. I'm used to people looking me straight in the eyes; I know they're nice, I know they're beautiful, but I've never quite gotten used to it. He continues to gaze at me intently, and gradually, I start to turn away when I hear him laugh and he raises his hands.
"Sorry, it's just... You have incredible eyes."
"Yeah, I've been told," I reply.
I move forward in line, and he follows behind me. He doesn't stop the conversation there, and we keep talking even after we've each ordered a coffee. I'm on my way to my faculty, and I'm not sure if he knows it, but talking to him isn't so bad, and he seems like an intelligent guy besides being very handsome.
"Where are you headed? Because I'm already at my faculty," I interrupt.
He waves his hand and swivels his coffee cup without any hesitation, as if everything is inconsequential to him.
"No rush, I still have ten minutes. Unless you want to skip class."
Damn it. My hormones are telling me to skip class, it's pretty obvious what he wants, and I haven't had sex in months, and I have hormones. But no, I can't do it.
"I can't, I'm still getting used to classes, and I have a teacher who hates us, if I miss, I won't understand anything tomorrow."
Samuel grimaces and assures me that it's no big deal, that we'll see each other around campus soon. I bid him farewell with a wave, and when I tear my eyes away from his muscular body, I spot Ashton's girlfriend beyond him, glaring at me. She looks like she hates me, and I couldn't care less. I pass by, ignore her and everything else because I have enough with my own stuff.
After classes, a light rain has started, and I pull the hood of my sweatshirt up to make my way to the parking lot. I'm lost in my thoughts, hoping the rain doesn't get any heavier because that would delay me, and suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder. I groan and look up, seeing that irritating blonde next to me. I don't know her, but I already hate her.
"I don't want you getting close to Ashton," she blurts out.
Excuse me? Who does she think she is? Is she always this invasive? They're made for each other.
"Okay, whatever," I mutter indifferently. I try to take a step, and that's when she grabs my arm tightly. I'm wearing a jacket and a sweatshirt, and I still feel her fingers wrap around me, trying to hurt me.
"No, I'm serious. Ash is mine, bitch."
Who the hell does she think she is? I squirm, and she tries to grip me even harder.
"Let go of me," I order.
"I know where you study, don't mess with me because you'll have to deal with me, slut. He's mine."
"Faye!"
That scream startles me too. She removes her hand from me and acts all innocent when Ashton approaches, stomping and looking like he wants to kill someone. Maybe he's not the most muscular guy, or the strongest, but he's intimidating. His expression and the way his tattoos peek out make him look tough...
"We're just talking, Ash," she says with a stupid voice. "Right?"
"Screw you," I shout. I just want to leave; I didn't even know he studied here, I didn't know he had a girlfriend, and I don't know anything about him besides how fertile he is.
"What the hell did I tell you?" he spits angrily. "Don't mess with me."
She rolls her eyes and reaches out to touch him, but he's rough like an animal.
"Come on, it doesn't matter, let's go to your apartment," she purrs.
I watch him run a hand through his hair. I roll my eyes and adjust my backpack to avoid him, continuing to walk to my car. I hear them arguing for a few seconds, and I couldn't care less. And then he has the nerve to tell me I can't talk to Samuel because he's a jerk? His girlfriend is crazy!
I toss my backpack onto the back seat, and the car heater takes a while to start. I have to press the buttons a few times for it to work, and it's not until halfway through the drive that the car warms up. I go through my routine, and when I'm ready to go to work, I spend some free time with Owen at daycare. He's fine, although whenever he comes out of Ashton's hands, he's dressed in very dark colors.
"Your dad wants you to be goth," I tell him, and he just laughs.
Class assignments have started coming in, so I can't play with him as much, but it's nice having him resting in my lap while Liv (Jo's older sister) lets me use her desk in the office to do my tasks.
"What are you doing?" she asks in her childish voice.
"Mom's homework."
Jo smiles at me from her desk beside mine and starts dragging her chair closer to us.
"Do you know that guy...?" she starts.
Uff... Yeah, I know that guy. Jo's been talking about him for two months since she met him on I*******m. To me, he seems like another Ashton; sleeps with you, gets you pregnant, and I'm lucky because he recognized Owen, but there are worse ones out there.
"Yeah..." I urge her to continue, still focused on my tasks.
"He's going to be at a place this Saturday. And I thought that..."
"I have Owen."
"Liv can take care of him."
I've been out very few times since I had Owen, Liv has already taken care of him some nights when Jo and I wanted to do something fun, and it would be nice to have a night out like a person my age.
I drop my pen, and Jo looks at me with a pleading puppy face. She pouts and clasps her hands under her chin.
"But if you decide to go with that jerk, I'm going home. And just on Saturday."
She smiles and tucks her red-dyed hair away from her face. She lets out a little squeal and lunges at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. She smells like little kids, and Owen laughs in my lap.
"Great! It'll be a great night," she assures me and messes up Owen's hair.
"Yeah, it'll be fine," I tell myself.
It's been months since I've been out, and the truth is, I need to feel my age. I love my son, being a mother is something I love now, and it's something that has made me mature, but it consumes me, and sometimes I wish I had more time for myself.
The internal dilemmas I always have when deciding to go out are quickly resolved because I leave at night and come back in the morning, so I can spend the same amount of time with Owen. Last year I worked full-time from morning until late, and I wanted weekends to take care of Owen myself. Now I have a little more time for him, and although this new routine ends up exhausting me, I can't afford it. I'm a mother, a worker, and a student, and I can't afford to be exhausted for any of the three.
Luckily, Liv has no problem taking care of Owen on Saturday night again; she's thirty years old and has a five-year-old son who Owen plays with the few times she comes to see us at the apartment or when I go to her house. I'm very lucky to have her too, although it's not the same as having Jo. Jo is twenty-three years old, and I don't know if it's because our ages are closer or what, but Jo understands me like no one else. She's my non-sexual or romantic soulmate.
Now everything is easier than last year, although more hectic. The daycare closes at seven in the evening, and Jo takes Owen to the apartment, taking care of him for me until I get home from work at eleven. I drop my things in my room. The whole apartment is silent except for the TV in Jo's room, which she always leaves on when she falls asleep. I turn it off and tuck her in with her sheet before going to see Owen. He's calm in his crib with his blanket covering him, and I can stay looking at him for almost half an hour. Everything I do is for him, because if I give up, I'll have to go back to my parents' house, and they'll take him away from me, or Ashton will. I can't let any of that happen.
The next morning, I wake up when Owen is crying an hour before my alarm goes off. I lay on the couch with him to give him his breakfast, and he curls up in my lap again to rest. He's in that phase of crying and complaining about everything, but I'm lucky he doesn't do it very often, and I'm lucky he hasn't insisted on seeing Ashton and me.
—Mommy," he calls me.
—What's up, baby?
He stands up in my lap and falls against my chest, hugging me around the neck. His fingers get tangled in my hair, and he pulls, causing me some pain, but I don't complain and wrap him in my arms. He's so small...
"I love you."
I smile, and if I could, I would hug him much tighter until he melts into me. I love him. Owen is the best thing I have.
"I love you too."
He's a bit clingy with me, and I love it because it makes me feel like I'm a good mother. He doesn't move away from me while I make my breakfast. I hold him with one arm, and he leans against my shoulder, breathing softly. He's quite heavy for me, I have to adjust him about five times until I manage to get my coffee.
I'm sitting on the couch with him nestled against my chest, drinking my coffee when Jo wakes up.
"Good morning," I chirp.
Her red hair is tousled like a bird's nest, and she yawns, rubbing her eyes.
"I dreamed I was living in a cabin in the forest with a tropical atmosphere."
I laugh.
"Dreaming is free."
I hurry as much as possible to let Owen rest, but twenty minutes before my departure time, I have to leave him asleep on the couch with Jo and rush to get ready as fast as I can. I wash my face, run the comb through my boring brown, straight hair, and dress quickly in black jeans and a purple sweater that I find folded on the floor of my closet. I leave my room, sinking under the weight of my books and notes in my backpack, and rush to say goodbye to them. Owen has become lively again; he's running between the kitchen and the living room, and Jo encourages him to chase her.
"I'm leaving," I say goodbye and bend down to give him a kiss. "I love you, I'll see you later, okay?"
"Bye, mommy!" he brings his hand to his mouth and puckers his lips, blowing me a kiss.
That gives me encouragement for the rest of the day. Nothing spoils that feeling, not even Ashton's stupid girlfriend who looks at me from a distance with her group of friends. She points at me, and the four of them laugh. I have better things to worry about than a nest of vipers who know nothing about me, and I suppose nothing about Ashton either.
PAIGE Being at the same university as Ashton hasn't changed my life much. We avoid each other, so everything's fine, everything's normal. The one I've seen more often is his little girlfriend, I catch her looking at me and laughing with her friends, and I want to throw something at them and wipe that smirk off their faces. On Thursday morning, Owen does something he hadn't done before, and that's asking about his father. He does it directly while the three of us have breakfast, and I'm left with a spoonful of cereal halfway to my mouth. "'Dad'," he calls out. I look at Jo, who also doesn't know what to do. He does draw him, all three of us, and he laughs, but he's never called him that before, and he starts crying for him. I have to set aside my breakfast and take him out of his kitchen chair to try to calm him down. I put my hand on the back of his neck and make circles with my finger. It's hard to get him to calm down, and I feel really bad leaving Jo with Owen whimpering in a wa
PAIGE Today has been a warning, but nothing prepares me for what happens the next day. Friday. I wake up and everything is normal, calm. We have breakfast together again, the three of us, and this time Owen plays with his food, making a mess with his cereal. He's happy, laughing, and his laughter fills the apartment. "Say I'm your favorite aunt," Jo sings to him while I clean up and she changes his clothes for clean ones. I listen to her from the kitchen, and it makes me smile. Owen laughs, and his laughter makes me immensely happy. "Auntie!" he shouts amidst laughter, barely understandable. "That's it! Who loves you? Me! Who's your best aunt? Me!" I shake my head playfully and dry my hands with one of the clean cloths we have folded on a small dresser. I say goodbye to the two who are still laughing and fooling around, making sure to take everything with me before heading down to my car. Fridays are good days because last week I discovered that I have my most interesting classes
ASHTON I pull up my sweatpants and put on my hoodie as I close the zipper of my backpack, not bothering to pick up my boxing pants from the floor. I leave the room with my phone glued to my ear and walk in the opposite direction towards the back exit door where I parked the car. It's all crowded, and as I pass between two jerks who don't know how to park their damn cars, I scratch their sides and step on the gas pedal until I hit the road. It's luck, it's fucking destiny, it was a hell of a coincidence that I found her last week, that I went to her house, and it's lucky that she remembers it. I arrive at the mall first, from there the road to her building feels endless. The phone hasn't stopped vibrating against my ear with a ton of messages, I haven't looked at them but I know who they're from because I never miss the after-party, and I don't usually kick girls out of my dressing room so soon. I didn't know I had such a good memory for quick things like I do now. I recognize the bui
PAIGE "If I'm honest, I thought you two would end up in bed," Jo confesses during lunch. "What are you talking about?!" I exclaim. Me? Getting back with Ashton? Without lying, I'd say yes, I could sleep with him if we didn't have a child together, and even with Owen, I think I'd sleep with Ashton if he didn't have a girlfriend. The fact that he's a complete jerk doesn't take away from how attractive he is and the undeniable sexual desire he exudes. It's just that I'd be very careful, too careful, much more than usual. "What? He's incredibly sexy, and it's been ages since you had any action between your legs." She's lucky Owen doesn't understand everything yet. He keeps eating from his high chair as if nothing's happening. "Yeah, well, but not with him. What about that other guy? The one from campus." "Yeah... the one who wants to sleep with you." "That one. There's a party tonight at his fraternity, he invited us in case your plan with that thug goes south." The plan is to go
ASHTON "Need more of this," Unax says. Yeah, he needs more alcohol to endure all of Paige's rejections. I know that pisses him off; I see him getting angrier and more insistent every time she dodges his attempts to get into her pants. Complimenting her eyes about ten times hasn't gotten him anywhere either. I shouldn't, I know, she can screw whoever she wants, but one of my friends? I'm glad she rejects him because I don't want any of these guys near my son or messing around with the person who takes care of him the most. "Want something?" "No, I don't drink alcohol," she replies. He laughs, so does Apolo until she looks at them dead serious. "Damn, it's not a joke." I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or if he simply doesn't realize what he's causing, but when he leans in to take his turn, Unax blatantly checks out her ass. He bites his lip pierced by a piercing and looks at me pretending to smack her. I grip the pool cue tighter. That shit just pissed me off, what's he do
PAIGE "Ten, and you?" Jo asks me. "Twenty," I reply. She raises her eyebrows and covers Owen's ears as he calmly watches the cartoons sitting on her lap. "Is he that well-endowed or did he go hard against the sink?" Remembering it sends shivers down my spine. My legs are still trembling. I raise two fingers from one hand, and she lets out a squeal that makes me laugh, and Owen laughs with us. I still ponder over it and close my eyes to make sure it happened; I hooked up with Ashton again. "And... that's it? You didn't talk or...?" "No, it was just sex." And incredible sex, I must add. At least today, I'm glad to see that she didn't have such a bad time either. After she and Ian accompanied me to the car, it seems they had enough at the apartment he shares with Ashton's friends. She arrived an hour ago, and that was at eleven, by which time I had already gone to pick up Owen and settled down. Since then, she hasn't stopped asking questions and chattering. She spends the whole da
PAIGE Friday arrives quickly, Samuel reminds me of our outing when we meet on campus, and it makes me uneasy. It's the first time in months that I've hung out with a guy alone like this. We agreed he'd pick me up at ten-thirty because I managed to swap shifts with a coworker, and today I have a change of clothes in my bag so I don't have to wear my work uniform. Plus, I already put on makeup before heading to the daycare to spend the little time I have left with Owen until Monday. "You look beautiful," he says with his soft voice, running his fingers through my slightly curled hair. "Thank you, darling," I whisper. "Look," he says, taking a few steps back so I can see him attempt a somersault. He makes me laugh, and I lie down on the ground next to him to play. Nothing will ever be better than making Owen laugh. When Ashton arrives, he catches me lying on the floor with Owen lying on my stomach. He stands with his arms crossed by the door, and I can read the teasing in his eyes. I
PAIGEThe night with Samuel is fine, but when I wake up, I know it will be sporadic things. We keep running into each other on campus, and I consider us friends because we occasionally grab coffee together in the cafeteria. He's hinted a couple of times that he'd like to repeat, but I've also hinted that I won't be able to until two weekends from now. It's a small and fiery routine we've started to maintain: every other Friday, we go to the motel."I'm going to Ian's place this afternoon to watch the soccer game."I lift my head from my cereal. I slept poorly because Owen decided to wake up at four in the morning and try to climb out of his crib. Luckily, I still have the baby monitor."Okay.""They've invited you too; they want you to come with me. They really liked you.""I'll go with Owen to show him the Halloween decorations on the streets.""Please," he pleads, making a puppy-dog face with clasped hands. "It'll only be a couple of hours, and they already know Owen. It'll be fine,