Temperance
I used to think I would be okay if I acted like everything was okay. But the truth is, it didn't work. I tried it for seven years. Since I was barely ten. It was a few months after my mother's death. I am always blamed for her death as I was in the car with her.
I tiptoe to my house. My shoes skim the sidewalk. I don't want to see what's going on in my own house. Even though I've always known what's going on in there.
I stand in front of the small house. My house. Our family had a large house. One that may belong to a Millionaire. We were millionaires. I frown.That ended long ago.
Everything was perfect until my mother's death. I got a few thousand. Unfortunately, I can't access it till I turn eighteen, which shouldn't be long as I'm past seventeen at present. Most of the funds went to charities. And another larger share, of course, went to father. He eventually blew all his money doing drugs and alcohol. At that time, we could not afford the bills for the house anymore. This is how we ended up in this small house in a bad neighborhood.
I carefully open the door to my house. The moment I peek in, my heart drops. Of course, he would be here. I was only hoping and wishing, in the back of my mind, that he wouldn't be here. And of course, it will never be the case. People like him just don't disappear.
There he is, my father, in his dirty attire, smoking a cigarette. His twisted expression makes my stomach clench in fear.
His gaze catches mine, forcing me to look away as I walk inside. I barely squeeze myself in through the half-opened door.
I gently closed the door behind me. His intense stare monitors my every move, just like a hunter, hunting for its prey. Silence fills the room.
Was a father-daughter relationship to be this way?
I set my backpack on the floor beside me, trying to be as quiet as I can.
The air is thick with the putrid smell of cigarettes and smoke spiraled around every corner. I can't breathe. Anything unpredictable can happen now.
I watch as he sways back and forth ever so slightly. He seems drunk. He's always either high or drunk.
He exhales a cloud of smoke, brows straightening, and seeks the cigarette in his hand for another drag.
Being high or drunk doesn't make a person violent. People are violent because of what their mind is filled with. They are violent because it's their nature. And violence starts abuse.
Drugs or alcohol don't dictate their behavior. It's who they naturally are. It can't be changed.
He's hated me for a long time. He still does. And he might hate me forever. To him, I'm the reason behind mother's death.
I don't blame him. I feel the same way. I think I'm the reason she is dead. It is my fault. And he has lashed out on me for that very reason. I cannot count how many times.
All of a sudden, a beer bottle zeros into my face. I wasn't fast enough to dodge that and the bottle smashes on my chest.
Glass shards splatter everywhere.
Splintering into my chest.
Going down my shirt.
Some even pricked onto my face and left shallow cuts.
Shards are in my hair, trapped in my loose waves.
Some are spread on the floor all around me. Having a bottle break on you hurts. In comparison to the fake ones that are shown on TV, this one's in reality. A reality where glass shards wedge onto my flesh, cuts and makes them bleed. They also leave scars.
My eyes water. Tears make me feel weak.
Tears show him that I'm hurt and scared.
But no, I don't want to show him that. I refuse to let him win. I'll never allow it.
I try my best to continue holding back the tears. I may have another bruise and several cuts for tomorrow. My body trembles as the silence stretches across the room. A thick lump closes my throat. My eyes burn with tears threatening to fall.
"You're so ungrateful." He grunts, standing up. He is standing right in front of me. I look at the ground avoiding his gaze.
So, am I supposed to say thank you? Thanks for the abuse father, it really puts me in a better life.
Brain puke.
He blows a big cloud of smoke into my face making me choke, my throat itching with the need to cough. In the middle of a cough, his fist collides with my cheekbone, sending me to the ground, landing on my hands and knees.
I stay here in this stance. I watch as his foot comes up. When it goes out of my view, my back lurches forward from the slam of his kick.
"You are nothing but a worthless tramp." He grits out and puts more weight on my back.
I try to hold on. I don't want to stay down.
He keeps pressing down harder and harder.
Eventually my chest gives out from the lack of oxygen. My ribs bore onto my chest as I struggle to heave. Unable to hold on any longer my body crumbles. I lay flat on my stomach. The glass shards wedge deeper into my flesh. I'm helpless in front of his physical prowess. He keeps his foot planted on my back.
I can feel my heartbeat in my ears. So loud it consumes everything else. His foot presses harder on my back. Moving up to my upper back his feet crush my back, my chest against the ground. I gasp desperately. My lungs burn from the lack of oxygen. The Monster's feet remain, torturing me. I see my vision flash from the oxygen deficiency, my mouth widens to inhale air.
I squirm to free myself. Will he lift his foot? Does he want to choke me till I die? Will my suffering come to an end? Various thoughts muddle my senses.
Suddenly the weight is lifted from my back. Mouthful of air enters my throat, turning into a coughing fit. I try to sit up with difficulty.
"One day, I'll kill you." He yanks my arm hard, lifting me onto my feet. This is the nicest touch that has transpired between us in a long time albeit full of anger.
"You're hurting me," I whisper under my breath. But would it matter to him? He likes my pain after all.
"Oh, that hurts, huh?!" He mocks in rage. He lifts my sleeve as far up as it would go, ripping it.
He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and lands on my arm. Instant pain shoots through my skin. I hold back a scream of agony. Tears fall. I can't control them. The burning smell of flesh fills my nose, causing me to feel sick. He takes the cigarette off and looks at my tearful face. His eyes remain unsympathetic.
Tears flow down in a steady stream, my vision clouded. Then he places the cigarette on my skin but this time under my ear.
I whimper and try to pull away. But his hand flies onto the other side of my head, keeping me in place.
"STOP! IT HURTS!" I scream, trying to pry his hand away. He won't budge; he never does. After all, he is much stronger than me.
After a few agonizing seconds, he takes it off of me, leaving me with burns.
He laughs at what he did and turns around. As soon as he leaves my sight, I sprint upstairs into my room. This fate I've been born into is too cruel. I run over to my bed, grabbing a water bottle on the way. I gently pour the water on both of my burns, biting my lip at the pain.
This isn't living. This is just merely surviving.
Certain traumatic situations where everyone has a switch they can flip. It puts them into a survival mode-like state. But it eventually goes back off. Our brains do this to protect us from what is happening. My survival mode is activated all the time. Survival mode is my pitiful life.
I feel my phone vibrate, the ID displayed.
Nicole <3
I sneak into my closet with a comfortable blanket, and close the door behind me. It's pitch black, aside from my phone lighting up from the call.
I hesitate before answering.
I shakily put the phone to my ear.
"Hey," I speak quietly, trying to make my voice seem normal instead of strained.
I rarely answer calls. I am always afraid of him walking in and seeing me on the phone. He would beat the life out of me.
"Hey, Temp. What are you doing?" She asks. I slightly smile at her happy voice.
Although I'm not happy, I know she is.
"Just woke up from a nap." I lie. It seems like I've told a billion lies from living this life.
Lying consumes me. It's my identity. She couldn't know the truth.
"Lazy ass." She jokes. "Anyways, would you come over?"
I take a minute before responding. She should know my answer. I haven't been over in
years."I can't," I reply bluntly.
"Why?"
"Dad is sick. So I'm taking care of him." I hate lying to her. I really do. But I have to keep myself safe. And she isn't safe for me.
"Awe, I hope he feels better." She sighs.
"Yeah, me too," I reply in almost a whisper.
She takes a minute to say something after that. I hear things shuffling around in the background.
"Anyways. I have to go. My dog needs a walk. Love you!"
"Love you too," I replied quietly.
The phone call cuts off. I always deny her invites. But even so, she still continues to ask. I don't mind that. But it does get me worried. I know she is getting suspicious.
Either that or she is incredibly dumb.
Temperance I sit in the back of the class again. Everything is worse today, worse than the other day. I haven't been to school in three days. I keep checking to make sure my hair covers the burn I have by my ear. "Woah, are you ok? You look sick." I hear Alec. "Do you have any Advil or literally any medicine?" I ask him in my raspy voice. I originally didn't wish to talk to him, and still don't, but if he has medicine, then it would be worth speaking a few words to this handsome guy. He is a dangerous bully... Well, I don't really know about him being a bully. I have never witnessed him bully someone. But everyone says that he is in a gang. Everyone says he isn't afraid to beat anyone to a pulp if you mess with him. So I really shouldn't be talking to him, but I really need some medicine at this moment. He digs in his backpack and drops two pills from a pill bottle onto my hand. I grab my water bottle and plop the pills into my mouth. With one sip, they are gone. "Why
TemperanceSo warm and comfy. I snuggle deeper into the sheets. And that's when I realize it. I'm not in my room. I immediately sit up, scanning the room I am in.I am sitting up in an unfamiliar room, on a king-size bed. Alec sits at the end of the bed that's presumably his, looking at his phone. I checked myself. I am wearing an oversized black t-shirt and shorts. I'm not in the clothes I wore when I got to school. Meaning... Alec saw everything on my body. I immediately freak out. Alec looks at me, watching my facial expressions. He forms a weak smile on his face. "Hey." His voice is soft. "Hey," I answer, trying to stay calm, but my heart is beating a million miles an hour. He moves closer to me and gets under the covers with me, like a weirdo, and sits beside me.I inch back from the stranger that has kidnapped me. "I put my number in your phone. In case you need help." He informs me. I nod, staying silent, not knowing what to say. "I didn't dress you." He a
Temperance I'm falling. Waiting for someone I barely know to catch me. To my surprise, he does with a grunt from impact. "We need to l-leave," I tell him. I get out of his arms, ignoring my dad's screams. I open the passenger door, placing myself in the seat as he runs around to the driver's seat. "What was that?" He asks, concerned about the new wounds covering my face. I sigh and lean my head back in the seat. "Just drive," I respond. He starts driving down the road, and I relax. "You better start talking before I take you back there." He threatens, bringing himself back to an asshole. I look at him in fear. He wouldn't... would he? I don't know what to tell him. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I'm abused and raped a lot. But that's okay. No, I can't tell him that. So I make up a lie. “See... I was about to get grounded. So I ran out of the window. Because I didn't want to be grounded." I know my lie didn't sound believable. It is obvious it is far from true.
TemperanceI sit in the car with the five boys, the bulletproof vest Alec made me wear is making me feel claustrophobic. While Connor drives, Alec is in the passenger seat. Zander and Ethan are sitting on either side of me with Damien in the back. Alec and Connor are having their own conversation in the front while me and the boys have ours in the back. Although it’s mostly just them talking and me listening I still find it comforting. After about thirty minutes of driving in the dark Connor stops the car. Everyone gets out of the car with their guns and I follow blindly like a lamb to its slaughter. If I am being fully honest I would tell you I'm scared. But I'm a liar so I'll say I'm brave. "If anything goes south shoot to kill. And Flower. Remember what I told you."He refers to me staying beside him or Zander. I nod, the nickname of flower still irking me. Alec leans closer to me and whispers in my ear, "Stop trembling. I won't let anything happen to you." I didn't even rea
Temperance"Mommy, where are you?" I call around for her. The car is flipped over, and I am hanging upside down. The only thing holding me in is my seatbelt—the seatbelt cuts into my legs and shoulders.There is fire all around me, and I am sobbing. "MAMMA!!" I shriek again as I hear sirens coming closer with each second. Still no answer. "There's a woman and a little girl in there!" I hear people frantically shouting. Strangers in suits are desperately digging in the car. One man pulls me out leaving my mom in there. "Get momma out! Get momma! What about mom?" Snot runs down my face as I scream and hit the man carrying me away."MOM!!" I sobbed. I don't know why she isn't out of the car. Until I spot it. There is a piece of glass from the window shield stuck in her neck. She is bleeding out everywhere.Even my young mind can comprehend that she’s dead. I wake up to Alec shaking me. My body is covered in cold, sticky sweat. My body violently shakes as my stomach churns. Tears run d
Temperance "And what does that mean for me?” I ask him frantically. "It means if we don't stop this, then you won't make it. "He’s joking, right?" "Anything that could have caused this?" The doctor asks. I tremble as I realize I can’t tell him the truth, the real cause. He won’t know how bad my body has been treated. Internal bleeding? God really hates me, doesn’t he?"I got mugged the other day." I blurt out a lie. Emaline looks at me, thinning her lips before getting distracted by something Ella whispers. "Aside from your face, where are your other beatings?" He asks. "My stomach and back." "Lift your shirt for me." He responds bluntly. I cross my arms in front of my chest, refusing to lift my shirt. I don't want anyone to take advantage of me. I don't want to be touched like I was before. "Temperance, it's ok," Ella tells me, giving me a soft smile. I shake my head, finally agreeing. The doctor turns to Ella and Emaline, "Will you two leave the room, please."As soon as he sa
Alec As I step into my room, I immediately notice Temperance under the sheets of my bed. I keep my gaze on her fragile body. I take a step forward, her eyes are closed and her cheeks are red. She is asleep, but droplets of sorrow dry on her delicate face. My knuckles gently touch her cheek as I attempt to push a hair out of her face. She opens her eyes and slaps my hand away, terrified."What's wrong?" Utter shock flows through me from her reaction. She doesn’t dare look at me as she shakes her head now. Is there a book on how to deal with girls?*********************************************************************TemperanceMy heart is desperate to talk to this man. It forms sentences that don’t arise past my rib cage. The words die in my throat. I want to talk to him but my lips stay locked together, not daring to open. "Did you take a shower?" He asks me. I shake my head no. He goes silent, thinking. "Go take a bath. I'll get you a towel and some clothes." He is so sweet to
TemperanceThoughts of my disgusting body storm in my head. Why did I let him know what happened to me? He thinks I'm disgusting. Fuck. Fuck. I'm so disgusting. Its clear to me now that I have to leave. I'll never be safe from my father. No matter where I am.I tried to blind myself but this assault brought me back to my senses. I'll never be safe, and there's no use burdening Alec. I grab a paper and pencil and start writing. I know you find me gross now. Don't worry. I find myself gross too. I will get out of your hair now. And I will go home. I will see you at school if you decide to come. I know you are busy with gang stuff. Xoxo TemperanceI place the note on his nightstand, folding it up neatly. I know people will start looking for me soon, so I have to get out of here quickly. I have nothing to take back with me, so I leave with the clothes on my back and the prescribed pills. I ignore the pain and sneak my way out of the house and down the driveway. I can't stay here an