Finnick’s POV
“Fuck!!” I screamed as I slammed my fist into the steering wheel of my Jeep. After five long years I was going back to the one place I never wanted to be again. I was going home to RedWoods. Back to the place where I would have to face the memories of the one person I wanted to forget. Sarah. She was the reason I stayed away all those years.
But despite my absence, my best friend, who also happened to be her brother, always stayed in touch. Seth stuck by me, never letting our friendship fade away as I’d thought it would when I left for reasons I could never share with him. But now, he needed me and I couldn’t let him down. Even if it destroyed me.
When Seth had called me a few weeks ago to ask me to come to RedWoods to train him for his tryouts for the Lead Warrior position, I was hesitant to say the least. My sole tactic for surviving life without my mate was maintaining my distance. But I would have to be physically present to train him effectively. There would be no way to avoid the memories and the longing for her I’d become so good at burying.
Despite not having Beta blood, I was a skilled fighter and had been able to earn my role as the Crimson Moon Beta by proving myself to the Alpha. I’d won multiple fighting championships throughout the nation and could probably challenge an Alpha and win if I wanted to. I couldn’t deny I was Seth’s best shot if he wanted to learn techniques to bring down any competitor. So, I’d agreed to help, even knowing it would mean a few weeks of hell for me. He’d been my best friend since we were five years old. So I couldn’t let him down, no matter how painful it would be for me to go back there.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I screamed again, as if cursing would make this nightmare all go away. I knew it wouldn’t, but it did make me feel a little better.
“You can do this, Finn!” I tried a different tactic, positive self talk. “Just go in, help Seth with his little issue, and get out. You won’t even have to see her. Just hold yourself together and no one will be the wiser.”
Only Seth’s problem wasn’t little, probably requiring me to be there for weeks. And holding myself together with a wolf who desperately wanted his mate would be no small feat. My wolf, Callum, and I had been at odds since the day I left RedWoods without our mate five years ago.
“Who’s fault is that?” He grumbled in my head.
“I know you blame me, Callum. I blame me too. And I’m sorry you are suffering for my mistakes.” I apologized to him for the millionth time.
“Hmmph!” Was his only response, stomping off to the back of my mind.
As he walked away, I started to ponder just how I was going to survive the next few weeks. I thought back to the last conversation I’d had with Seth. It had at least given me a little bit of hope that I could get through it unscathed.
“Hey, brother! How are you? Ready to come teach me to kick some ass?” He’d asked when I answered the phone.
“You already know how to kick ass. I’m just going to help you refine your skills, make you at least half the fighter I am.” I boasted teasingly. “How are you? How’s the family?”
I really was interested. Seth’s family had been as much mine as my own family had been growing up and I missed them. But I couldn’t deny I had an ulterior motive in asking. My wolf needed to know how his mate was doing and I needed to know how I was going to avoid staying in the same house with her while I was there.
“Everyone’s good! Mom and dad are actually out of town and Sarah just told me she’s going to visit our cousin Hallie in Fair Winds pack too. I know you would’ve liked to see her while you’re here, but look on the bright side. We’ll have the place to ourselves, our very own bachelor pad. And don’t tell me you won’t enjoy that because I won’t believe you. Your reputation precedes you, my friend.” He rambled on.
His hint at my reputation as a player stung. But I couldn’t dwell on it too much. I’d mostly stopped listening, stuck on the part about Sarah being out of town. He actually thought I’d be disappointed that I wouldn’t see her during my stay and I let him believe I was. Well, part of me was disappointed, the part that wanted his mate desperately.
But a bigger part of me, the part that knew having my mate wasn’t possible, was relieved. At least I wouldn’t have to face her. If that happened, there would be no controlling my wolf. He’d wanted her so long that if he ever came face to face with her, I wouldn’t be able to stop him from claiming her. The fact that I wouldn’t have to keep making excuses not to see her the whole time was a load off my mind. Just being in the same town, let alone staying in the house filled with her scent, was going to be torture.
“It’s good we’re going home. We can wait for mate to come home and take her back with us!” My wolf started in again.
He’d been repeating that argument like a broken record this week. He was trying to wear me down but as much as I wished he was right, that was no longer an option. It hadn’t been for a long time now and he knew it as well as I did.
“Callum, I’m not having this conversation with you again! You know we can’t do that and you know why so just drop it!” I snapped at him.
I hated the distance this caused between him and I but I hated thinking about her even more. The pain of knowing she’d never be mine was more than I could take.
“I know it’s your fault we’re not with our mate! And I know you haven’t even tried to fix it!” He snarled back at me.
I let out a deep sigh but I didn’t respond. Arguing with him was pointless. In the end, I understood what he never would. There was no fixing what I’d done. If I was a better man, I’d reject her so she’d be free to find a second chance mate.
It was beyond cowardly of me to leave her trapped in this bond she wasn’t even aware of, probably wondering why she hadn’t found her mate yet. But every time I worked up the courage to let her go, I’d get as far as picking up the phone, determined to call and ask her to meet up, before losing my nerve. Of course my wolf never consented to that plan either, only further shaking my resolve. So here I was, still holding on to the threads of an unacknowledged bond.
Finnick’s POV Despite the agony it caused, I often let my mind wander back to that night. The night that changed everything, ruined all my carefully made plans to claim my mate. I had been living at the Crimson Moon pack a full year when it happened. It was the place I’d run to all those years ago when I realized I couldn’t stay in RedWoods, near my sixteen-year-old mate. I wanted to continue the warrior training I’d started at Crimson Moon so I asked the Alpha to let me join. When he discovered I was a natural fighter, he encouraged me to enter some of the local competitions. When I won all of those, I started applying for national contests and won those too, leading my new Alpha to take notice. When his Beta retired without an heir, he’d invited me to compete for the role and I did, easily knocking out the competition. I missed Sarah everyday, so all the training and focus I invested in competing and my job as Beta was a good distraction for me. And the frequent travel required
Finnick’s POV As I entered RedWoods Territory, I pushed all the anguish I was feeling aside, determined to mentally prepare for what lay ahead. By the time my jeep rolled to a stop in the Woods’ driveway, I felt as ready as I was going to be. I took a few deep breaths, reveling in the clean air before I had to enter her home and try not to drown in her intoxicating vanilla and spice scent. I steeled myself for that onslaught and headed for the front door. The closer I got to the entrance, the more restless my wolf became. I’d expected it though. Even knowing she wasn’t here, just being in her home and surrounded by her lingering scent was bound to set him off. I did my best to ignore him. Seth told me he would be on border patrol duty and wouldn’t be home until later so I should just let myself in. I tried the knob and as I’d anticipated, it was open. The Woods family never locked their door. As soon as I crossed the threshold I knew something wasn’t right. Sarah’s scent crashed i
Sarah’s POV “Hello, little mate.” He said to me as soon as we were alone. His voice was gravelly and his eyes kept flashing between azure blue and pitch black, telling me Callum was trying to say hello. My wolf, Sadie, was jumping around in my head, squealing “Mate!” over and over. I had met Finnick’s wolf when I was younger. After he turned sixteen and Callum awoke, he would shift every chance he got to run around as his beautiful russet-colored wolf. He’d even let me ride on his back a few times. But Sadie hadn’t been with me long before Finn left so our wolves had never formally met. My mind was still trying to catch up to the insanity that comprised the last few minutes of my life, but his wide smile was infectious and I found myself smiling back at him just as brightly. I couldn’t believe that the man I’d loved for the last five years was actually my mate! And he wanted me! At least, I think he did. The possessive way he stormed in here and claimed me, yanked Kyle off me an
Sarah’s POV “What in Goddess’ name is going on here?” my brother’s shouting interrupted me as I was about to accept Finn as my mate. We had been so immersed in each other, neither of us had heard him or scented him when he came in. I knew he must have been taken aback walking in on us accepting each other when we hadn’t even told him we were mates. But Finnick was his best friend, so I knew he would be happy for us once the news sunk in. “Seth!” I called excitedly. “Finnick and I are mates. We just realized when he arrived today. Isn’t that amazing?” Seth looked back and forth between the two of us with a confused expression, like his brain was trying to catch up with the new information. I turned back to Finnick to find him watching his best friend warily. Looking back to Seth, I was surprised to see a frown on his face. What the hell was that about? Something was clearly going on between them, though I knew they couldn’t mind-link anymore... Feeling my eyes boring into him, he
Sarah’s POV I looked into Finn’s eyes, searching for what, I didn’t know. But what I saw there broke me in ways I never knew possible. Because the truth was written in those beautiful blue eyes and it was unmistakable. “It was me, wasn’t it? You knew I was your mate and instead of being with me, you stayed away and cheated on me.” I couldn’t breathe. My voice was barely above a whisper as I struggled to say the truth out loud. “I didn’t feel the pain because my wolf hadn’t recognized the bond, but yours had. When, Finnick?” “Sarah-” He reached for me but I put my hands up in warning. If he touched me, I’d crumble. And right now, I couldn’t afford to crumble. Anger was the only thing holding me together at the moment “Don’t fucking touch me, Finnick. Just answer the question!” My tears were flowing freely and the wave of nausea that had left so quickly earlier had returned full force. Seth stood silently behind us but I could feel his barely restrained rage. He’d known about hi
Finnick’s POVSearing pain coursed through me at my mate’s implied rejection. The strength of it threatened to knock me off my feet as I stumbled my way to the door. I should have been prepared for it. It was no more than I’d expected, no more than I deserved. Still, I’d let my guard down and now I was paying the price. “She wasn’t supposed to be home!” I lamented aloud to myself.By the time I realized she was really there, it had been far too late to rein in my wolf. Then we’d found her with another man and instinct took over. No wolf could sit back and allow another man to touch his mate. Callum had taken over in less than a heartbeat, intent on claiming his mate and removing the threat. And though there was a small voice in my head telling me it was a very bad idea, it was miniscule compared to the joy and elation I’d felt at finally having her within my reach. For the briefest of moments, I’d held her in my arms and it was everything to me. She was everything that I’d ever wa
Finnick’s POV As the sun rose, I dragged myself to the bathroom, determined to face my mate and find a way to convince her I would never hurt her again, to make amends for the suffering I’d caused her in any way she’d let me. I faced the mirror as I brushed my teeth and I barely recognized the person staring back at me. My eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, highlighted by the dark circles of sunken skin underneath them. My cheeks were red and raw from rubbing away the tears that had fallen throughout the night. I washed my face in cool water, hoping to soothe the inflamed skin but it was useless. Giving up, I showered quickly and dressed in some faded jeans, a black t-shirt, and some black biker boots, then headed out the door. My heart raced and my palms were sweating, sliding along the steering wheel as I drove to Sarah’s house. I tried rehearsing what I would say but nothing I came up with was even close to good enough. Ultimately, I settled on throwing out the script altogethe
Sarah’s POV I’d been at Fair Winds for over a week. Seven whole days had passed since my world had been made whole and then turned to ash in the space of an hour. Yet somehow, it still felt like it just happened yesterday, the wounds still raw and oozing. Originally, I had planned to come for a fun visit with my cousin, Hallie. She was the same age as me and we always had the best time when we got together. But not this time. This time I’d stayed locked up in my room, alternating between body-wracking sobs and hours of frantic pacing as I tried to force my brain to think logically about my predicament. It was a battle I had no chance of winning. Because my heart was thoroughly shattered, and nothing is ever logical when it comes to matters of the heart. “Sarah?” Hallie called my name after knocking softly on my door. “It’s okay. Hal. You can come in.” I called back. I knew she was worried about me and I couldn’t keep pushing her off. “Hey.” She greeted timidly, testing the wa