Chapter Four

“I want to marry you, Amaliah, and I will,” Rafael said to her one day. Her shift had just ended, and she was heading for the bus stop. As it had become his tradition for the past week, Rafael was walking her to the bus stop. He sauntered beside her, back walked and even skipped. She laughed at his child-like enthusiasm and realized that it was one of the things that had drawn him to her the very first day they had met. 

He had a kind of inner joy, one that seemed to be unquenchable and she envied him that joy. She loved people who could be happy, no matter the situation they found themselves in. She was not one of such people; she could not keep her joy when she was hurt, disappointed or in any form of pain. She was an emotional person, and could not mask her emotions no matter how hard she tried. 

“You just like saying a lot of nonsense, don’t you? ” she glared at him playfully. Even as she did, she knew he was right. She would probably marry him and the realization both scared and intrigued her. Five weeks ago, he was a mere stranger. He still was, seeing as she didn’t know an awful lot about him.

“Tell me, Rafa, how come you’re always here when I get off work? Don’t you have a job? Somewhere to be? Or maybe someone to be with?” she raised a brow. 

“I like being with you,” he replied evasively and tugged her cheek. She swatted his hand away. She liked the answer, but she wasn't satisfied with it. She needed to know more about him, and he wasn’t offering any information. She wondered if she should be suspicious because he had been evasive everytime she had tried to get him to talk about himself. Possibilities of what his true identity could be flooded her mind and goosebumps covered her arms. 

“You need to give me something better than that. I need to know about you, Rafa. You say we are friends, so why are you always evasive when I ask you about your life?”

A fleeting emotion she couldn’t recognize flashed in his eyes but his ever joyful smile was back so fast that she wondered if she had imagined it.

“Well, you know what they say about the mysterious friend.” 

She frowned. “No, I don't know what they say about the mysterious friend.”

“Well, you'll find out soon enough.” he winked at her and put his arm around her shoulders companionably.

She decided she didn’t like the sound of that, but there was little she could do. Aside from the whole enigma thing, he was a pretty great guy, funny and kind. She had known him for the entirety of five weeks - just at the beginning of the summer - but she felt like she had known him forever. He challenged her, indulged her, engaged her. He was witty, smart and just an all-around beautiful human.

She looked up at him and admired the way the golden evening sun lit his features, caressing his face. He had a low fade haircut, and his light brown hair had dark streaks that went sideways and fell onto his temple. He had a chiseled jaw, and dimples that creased deeply when he smiled, which was often. He had a deformed pinky, which he told her was a result of playing with fire when he was little. She wondered if he meant it in the literal sense, or if he was simply being evasive as usual but she didn’t ask him.

She wasn’t the type to ask personal questions, but he was the complete opposite. He asked her questions about everything and anything, and sometimes she ignored his questions if it got too personal but that didn’t deter him. On many occasions, she had told him point-blank that he asked too many questions and other times she dropped subtle hints but he just laughed it off.

By the time she got home that day, she was fighting an internal war with herself. She was trying to decide between demanding to know everything about him, or just letting it be so she could enjoy the friendship he was offering. 

The next day, she waited impatiently for the end of her shift. She had decided to go for the first option - demand to know everything about him or the friendship ends. 

Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found when she got off work. She went home dejectedly, she had gotten used to seeing his bright smile after her shift. When she still hadn’t heard from him three days later, she was devastated. She barely knew anything about him, not even his friends or family, nor where he worked or where his apartment was. All she could do was wait and hope that he would come back, which was killing her slowly.

Even if she was swamped with work, volunteering and preparing for her sister’s wedding, he was constantly on her mind. A month passed and she still hadn’t laid her eyes on him. She had cried until she was spent, gotten sick from worrying, and got migraines from lack of sleep which stemmed from thinking too much. 

One month and one day after his sudden disappearance, he was back, standing in front of the cafe like he never left. 

She was calling out coffee orders when he stepped into the cafe. She didn’t notice him, so he stepped up to the counter and stood in front of her. 

“I’d like to order a cup of coffee, black with no sugar or milk,” he said in a high pitched feminine voice.

“Hello, good afternoon. My colleague over there will take your order,” she informed him and gestured to the other end of the counter without looking up.

“You’re beautiful, miss. Can we hang out sometime?” he placed his hand on hers, finally using his normal voice.     

She looked up, and the half-smile playing on her lips froze. She blinked, to be sure the person in front of her was truly Rafael. She had been thinking about him so much since he disappeared and she wouldn't be surprised if she was merely hallucinating.

“Hello, Amaliah. Stunning as ever, I see.”  

She stood transfixed, unsure of what to do. He watched a variety of emotions flitter across her face before she finally settled for indifference. Her face went bland and she turned away.

“Thanks for the compliment. However, I have several things to do and I won't be able to hang out sometime. Please move over to Sarah to place your order.” Her voice was frosty, her eyes unsmiling. She would be nicer to a total stranger. She turned away and focused once more on what she had been working on before.

His heart sank but he had expected it so his usual smile remained on his face, even if it was stiffer than usual. He moved to where Sarah was, who had been watching the whole encounter.. She gave him a warm smile and rounded the counter to hug him. 

“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” She greeted him fondly. “Been a while, Rafa.”

“Indeed it has. I’m sorry for staying away.” he smiled back at her and they continued the conversation while she took down his order. 

Amaliah saw the gesture but acted like she didn’t. Her heart hurt, and the only thing she wanted to do was melt against him with his arms around her. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him, his annoying but hilarious views on trending topics, the way he gave her a new gift every week, sometimes two. Not just gifts but thoughtful, heartwarming gifts like scented candles to help with her meditation sessions, new book releases from her favorite authors, and even a spa session one week when she had doubled during her shifts for the entire week because Sarah took ill. 

She had cried when he had given her the gift, because no one seemed to understand how badly she needed to rest, not even her parents. She wanted to tell him how much she had missed him walking to the bus station with her, and that those short walks were usually the highlight of her day. She wanted to tell him that she hadn’t even realized how much she needed a friend until he came by, and even though she had a best friend and countless close friends, he was different. It felt like they had an ethereal connection, and he understood her more than anyone ever had. 

But she didn’t say anything. She simply swallowed the lump in her throat and continued to call out orders, frowning at the quiver in her voice when she called out the names. 

After her shift, she went into the restroom to freshen up. She jumped a little when she saw Sarah waiting for her beside the sink, arms crossed across her chest and legs crossed at the ankles. She sighed because she knew she was about to receive a lecture. 

“I’m glad you’re sighing already, because it means you already know what I want to talk to you about.

“Oh boy.” Amaliah rolled her eyes. 

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, young lady. What the hell do you think you’re doing? What was that cold treatment, ice queen?”

“I don’t think I want to listen to your lecture, Sarah. What, did he send you here to talk to me?” Amaliah loosened her hair from the tight bun it had been in all day, took out her brush and began to straighten her hair out. 

“Well, first off, you WILL listen to my lecture and no, he did not have to send me before I lecture you. I’m your friend and if you’re doing something wrong, it’s only fair that I let you know.”

Amaliah sighed again. 

“You have been pining, moping and sighing for that man for a month and now that he’s here you’re treating him worse than a stranger? What’s wrong with you Amaliah? You’re a nice person, perhaps the kindest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You obviously like this guy as well. He’s a great guy, and you know how picky I am about people, especially men. But he has been great ever since you bumped into him outside the cafe during the summer. So what’s the problem, Amaliah Jessica Dominguez? Talk to me.”

“Oh! so because I’m friends with him, it automatically means I like him?” Amaliah shook her head.

“You’re not only friends with him, you’re emotionally attached to him. A little over four weeks ago, you wouldn’t stop going on about how ‘he just gets you so well’. Also, you think I haven't noticed how much effort you started putting into your dressing?”

“Okay, okay. Thank you. You want to know what my problem is? Well, my problem is he cannot just leave after getting me emotionally attached to him as you said.” she air quoted the emotionally attached. “My problem is that he cannot just waltz back in and ask me for a damn date! I refuse to be on emotional standby for anyone. I was worried sick, I tried to call countless times but it didn’t go through. I could barely concentrate on anything else. That’s my problem, Sarah. You don’t do that to people. I mean, it’s basic human decency, for Christ’s sake.”

“Listen, girl, I'm not here to judge or make you feel bad. I don’t agree with him ghosting you, but at least give him a chance to explain himself and apologize. No matter what, you don’t treat a friend like that. You have some apologizing to do yourself and you know I’m right. Think about it, Amaliah.” she patted her friend’s shoulder and left. 

Amaliah finished freshening up and went to sign out of the cafe with her card. Her heart thumped as she opened the doors to step out because she knew there was a high possibility that Rafael would be waiting for her as usual.  

He wasn’t waiting for her. He was nowhere in sight, nowhere near the cafe. Her heart sank to her stomach, and she wondered if she had overdone it with the cold treatment. She walked slowly to the bus stop and sat on the bench when she got there. She suddenly felt very exhausted. Her application had not gone through, her family was going through a hard time and it was taking a toll on her mental health. 

Her bus came and left, but she remained seated, staring at nothing in particular. She wasn’t aware when someone walked up to her until he sat down.

“It’s been a hard couple of weeks, hasn’t it?”

Her heart leapt, almost painfully inside her chest. She knew that voice, it was the same soothing one she loved. A lump rose in her throat and she swallowed. She had a sudden urge to cry but she held it in. 

“I understand that you’re angry with me, Amaliah but I'd really like it if you could let me explain myself. I want to be your friend again. Tell me what to do to make it up to you.”

“Listen, Rafael, you can’t just bail on me, leave town, then come back and act like it is no big deal. It is!! It is the biggest deal I’ve had this year. You can’t just make me attached to you then disappear. That’s bottom barrel behaviour and I won’t stand for it. So, I don’t think anything can work between us anymore because who knows when next you’ll pull your flaky disappearing act again?”  

“That’s not fair, Amaliah.”

She stood up and picked up her bag in a flash. 

“Well, I never asked you to be my friend. I never asked you to do all those things you did. And how dare you, Rafael? How dare you make me fall in love with you? How dare you make me want you, need you, crave you, yearn for you? How dare you make me break my resolve for you? You have a lot of nerve, Rafael.” She yelled at him, the words flying out of her mouth before she realized it. 

He stood up slowly and grabbed her hands.

“You’re in love with me?”

She wanted to vehemently deny it and run away, but she was tired. Tired of denying the obvious, tired of putting it on the back burner, trying to convince herself it was only an illusion.

“Yes, Rafael. I’m in love with you. I don’t know how and why and when it happened, but it did. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, so leave me alone.” 

He drew her to him in a flourish and gave her the biggest smile she had ever seen.

“First, I’m going to kiss you.” he lowered his head and took her mouth.