It makes me cringe with embarrassment any time one of them makes suggestions about Jake and I . Don’t get me wrong, he is a handsome guy, tall, muscly, I mean, he is a Beta at the end of the day and has some dreamy eyes, I have to say. But he is not my mate. I am not sure anyone would ever be the same as my mate. Nobody would ever live up to Seb.
I know they are teasing, and considering he and I are the only singletons in the group other than Luis, who chooses not to spend that much time with us, much preferring to spend time with ladies around the pack, it is easy to tease us, and often we end up having to chat to one another when the others are all with their mates. But I don’t consider him more than a friend. I have not considered anyone more than a friend since Seb.
Seb was my mate, my fated mate. I lost him and the pain from that has never gone away. I am not sure it ever will. I can’t ever imagine giving myself to someone else. I was his. Fated to him. Meant for him and nobody else. I loved him like nothing I can describe. It broke me when I felt the bond with him snap when those rogues killed him. I still chat to him, still keep his memories close. He will always be my mate. Leaving Crimson Night Pack had been hard as it meant leaving part of me behind. I was leaving behind my mate. He is buried there.
But leaving Crimson Night Pack was something we had to do, we had to give our family a chance for a fresh start. A new beginning, one with an Alpha that was fair and honest. That ruled the pack in a respectable and decent way. That meant leaving part of me behind, but he would remain in my heart. I could not let him go. So this persistent teasing they seem to find amusing irritated me. You are blessed with one fated mate. He has been mine and I would cherish the time we had together as short as it had been.
While they may see it as harmless fun, it hurts me when they tease me, or make suggestions about Jake and I, because it feels like they are disrespecting the memory of my mate, my Seb. And I hate that. I know they don’t see it like that. They probably don't even mean the things they say, but they are still implying it. Yet I just sit and say nothing, not wanting to make a fuss over it, not wanting to seemingly over-react when they likely see it all as a bit of fun. They all have their mates, they don't know the loss of losing them.
Jake knows how I feel, because I apologised for my sister when she did it the first time. I explained about my mate on one of our nights gaming. He listened so kindly. Was so caring. So understanding. Yet could he truly understand when he has yet to meet his mate? Can you have a full understanding of the mate bond when you have yet to experience the bond yourself? But, bless him, he listened so carefully, and kindly, which I did appreciate.
He had been a good friend though. Had offered to help me if I needed anything. He said if there were things around the house that needed doing, he was happy to help. And he would often sit and chat. And our gaming evenings were better than sitting in the house on my own night after night like I had been doing. Pondering over my own thoughts. Because sometimes pondering over your own thoughts was the worst thing you could do.
“Here he is” Lola’s voice interrupted my thoughts, passing me her youngest son, Xavier.
I take him from her. Loving hugs from the kids. I think he is adorable. Dario was the same. My cousin certainly makes handsome babies! Like his big brother before him, Xavier has a headful of dark curls, and big brown eyes. Another miniature Manuel? I wonder.
Though I do have to say my brother’s son Luca is just as handsome. Though is any little one ugly? I think all babies and kids are cute. Maybe I am biased towards these ones, as they are family. And I certainly cannot wait for Willow to have her and Diego’s newest pup, which could be any day now. Her belly looks full to bursting. They won’t tell anyone what they are having though they know.
Sadly, Seb and I never got to have pups before he passed. Before the moon goddess decided his time on our earth was up. I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing when I look back... Would I have wanted a child, to still have a part of Seb with me? Yet then that child would have had to have suffered the loss with me, and I don’t think that would have been fair.
So it seems I will have to be content with being an auntie. And as I look down to my littlest nephew, or the littlest right now, as I highly doubt he will be the last, I know I am blessed, as he is beautiful. He yawns and stretches slightly.
I feel tears prickling slightly at the back of my eyes. Seb would have made a wonderful father too…
Cleo had loved her birthday but was now crashed out across my lap, her wispy, blond wavy hair hanging down my side. She looks the picture of sweetness when she is asleep. Such a terror when she is awake, I truly don’t know how a two-year-old can have an attitude, but I swear this one is all the drama and attitude of a teenager squashed into a miniature body.Yet everyone in the pack loves her, she is a little charmer like her big brother. She had been spoilt with gifts today, so no doubt when she got around to opening all of those our house would be full with all sorts of new things to find homes for.She was named after my late sister. And has the same blond hair as her, and is the spitting image of Lilah. She has her big blue eyes, which make it very hard to be angry at her when she is looking all big baby-eyed at me. And she knows it. She is damn clever for a little girl, I swear. I used to laugh at my dad for being manipulated by my sisters, well, that was when I wasn’t complainin
An early start this morning meant I was not in the best of moods, and was purely running off coffee. Lilah had joined me in the office today for this business meeting. It was a new potential client from overseas that Knox had lined up, one he had been interacting with for some time, building up business connections with, so all being well this meeting should be just finalising the details.From what I could gather, the business associate was Rose Cartwright from Black Forest Pack, just on the outer edges of Scotland. So she would no doubt be as tired as us from travelling, unless she had been staying here and adjusted to the time difference before the meeting. I am certain that we are able to get these deals completed today, and know that Lilah will be determined to do the same too.Knox had other business he had to attend to within the Pack today, so he was leaving this deal to me and Lilah to complete until the final stages and then he would come and speak with Miss Cartwright if sh
A delayed flight then a dump of a hotel is the last thing I need before a meeting. But clearly, things do not seem to be going my way.But I promised my father I would go and get this business deal completed and that is what I intend to do. It should not be too difficult, most of the deal has been discussed and dealt with online and over the telephone, so just the finalisations have to be done in person. And it meant I got to do a little bit of travelling, at the expense of my Dad, so I was most definitely not going to complain at that!Though he could have at least booked me a better seat on the plane. Sitting next to a screaming kid the whole way was not my idea of fun. Jeez I hate kids. Sick to death of that fucking baby by the time we got to the airport. Surely she could have just put a fucking bottle in it’s mouth or something to shut it up. Or just choose not to fly with it. Instead of torturing everyone else on the plane, having to listen to it wail incessantly for the entirety
“Ok, thank you for coming.” Lilah says, bringing the meeting to a close.Thank goddess that it has finally ended. The meeting had dragged on for a couple of hours, discussing all the minute details they needed to. And while that normally does not bother me, today I was most definitely distracted and wanted to go and speak to this girl.She had avoided any interaction with me throughout the meeting. Which had irritated me. Me being here in all honesty today was pointless. I would be explaining everything to Lilah later. But right now I am ready to blow a fucking gasket, I swear!But I have sat and been the professional that I am expected to be, providing all the papers needed, giving answers when needed, making drinks and just being present. Despite being otherwise occupied on other things. Now the meeting was over, I hoped to get a chance to speak to Rose. Hopefully, she will give me that chance. Surely she must want that too? I am potentially her mate after all?I look across to wher
I watched Jake stand in the doorway of the room as Rose walks down the corridor away from the conference room. She seemed quite happy to walk away from him, relieved almost, and like there was no issue in leaving her newly-fated mate. But Jake bless him, he looks confused and unsure right now. And to be honest, I can understand why. She did not give much away. She was a truly closed book. Hiding something, I am almost certain of that.Did she want him? But at a later time? There seemed to be no instant connection like there had been with Dan and Indie, or Manny and Lola. Or any fated mates I had seen meet. It seemed so bizarre. She seemed very standoffish. Or was she simply hiding it? Fighting it because she was scared? Simply because she did not expect it to happen like she had said? It just seems so odd. There seemed to be nothing from her whatsoever. Though she had infuriated me and I wanted to rip her apart. Being so disrespectful of me and of Jake too. That is not how you act to
I ruffled her hair, knowing it would have driven her crazy. Because that’s the good friend I am. I treat Lilah like a younger sister now, and have done since she came into my life all them years ago.She loves me for it, I am sure. The death stare she is giving me right now may say otherwise, and is something I can pretend I don’t see. She is a scary gal when she is moody and I don’t have Knox here to help me out today. So pissing her off may not be in my best interest. Though I am sure today I may have the sympathy card to play given what has just happened, so that could most definitely work in my favour at least!“You wanting a coffee or you heading home hunni?” I aimed for the nice angle, hoping she would be heading home as I really do not feel like chatting.As awful as that sounds, I just don't want to be sat chatting for ages with Lilah, and have her trying to dissect everything and look at every little detail, as the girls so often do. I know it would be meant in the most suppo
I got to the hotel, glad to finally rest. Today has been far from the straight forward day promised to me by my father when he asked me to come and represent the company for them. Meeting my fated mate had only added to the disaster. Luna Lilah seemed to think she had the right to get involved with it all, when I did not see how it is any of her business.If I was Jake’s mate, then surely that would be between myself and Jake. Not anything to do with his Luna and Alpha. Yet she seemed to take serious offense at me saying I was not able to be with him at the moment. Not to mention, I have a partner back home that he does not know about yet.I get undressed, stepping into the shower, ready to wash off the dirt of the flight and meeting too. I am assuming once Jake gets back to pack I will get a phone call and we can discuss all of this. It is practical to keep your fated mate as an option. I am aware of that, and I do intend to do that. It is not like my fated mate is all that ugly, or
I came off the phone to Rose with a smile on my face and Jaxx purring in my mind. He seems happy to know that his mate is close by, yet unsettled too that she is not by his side. Ok, she is not with us, and this is definitely unsual circumstances, but we are working on it. I am hoping to sort that with time.I guess listening to everything she said I can only agree that she deserves a little time to take in what has happened, and get her things under control and in order before making any commitments to being with me. Especially when being with me means moving to a different country. It is a big change to expect anyone to have to take on, especially a young woman that is a successful business woman.So I am willing to give her that time. Give her that space and that freedom to do what she needs to get everything in order, ready to come and be my mate. Or that is what I am hoping anyway. She has not exactly agreed to that as yet, but I am hoping that is what she will do. And I am reall