In the midst of walking down the road, I passed a seminar in the capitol. The audience is high school students and the topic is career guidance. Probably for Grade 10 students entering K-12.
I suddenly missed the time when I was still in high school, when Mom and Dad were still with me. I've promised them that after ten or fifteen years, they will see me both on TV.
I'm dreaming of being a celebrity back then.
But things like that couldn't be able to happen. Far from the reality of my dream coming true... 'cause I'm meant to sustain that witches' needs. Maybe Aunt Gretchen was right when she told me that dreaming is only for the poor. She said that we are not poor, so I don't need to dream anymore.
My father is working abroad, doing hard work there just to make our life stable here in the Philippines. But instead of being happy, I'm not happy because like my father, I'm also suffering at the hands of his future wife.
I am tiring myself to work at home and work the sidelines at a fast food chain as a service crew, but I have nothing to receive, nothing to earn. As for Aunt Gretchen, I believe that she wanted me to work while being a student because the money that Papa sends is not enough... that is because of the luxury she and her daughter have.
That was still not enough, so she made me work, which I still did against my will. I keep at least ¼ of my salary in my bank for the sake of saving money for my personal needs. She caught a glimpse of that too.
"I really don't want to dream anymore."
When I finally got to our classroom, I found that our professor was already inside for the first period. That professor of mine really hates late comers, so I thought of a way so that she wouldn't see me entering the classroom.
I went behind, opened the door and threw my bag on Harold's chair.
"Just put it on my seat," I whispered to him.
Harold was so kind that he gave in and put the bag on my seat. The next thing I did was to sit while walking and enter the classroom, still in the back, and when I entered, I intended to show myself to the prof, going out of the classroom.
"Where are you going, Miss Desiderio?"
I faced her. "Just throwing a piece of trash." At the same time, I showed a crumpled paper that I picked up under the seats.
It made me nod. Mission success!
"Going back..." I paid a lot of attention to the prof. "Prepare yourselves for your upcoming On-the-job training. Recall the important lessons that you can use when you are in the field. I expect that in the past three years, you have learned a lot in your course... and those lessons should be equipped and used in the real world situation."
I'm a fourth year college student. My course is BSHM... they say it's a course for weak-minded people. Who else did that word come from if not from Aunt Gretchen? BA in Drama and Film is actually the course I would wish to take if only I could pass the entrance exam at my dream school. But I failed… that's why I fell under the course of BSHM.
This course is not for fools, that's just the mindset of that witch, Aunt Gretchen. Since Stacy's course is Journalism, which is why Aunt Gretchen has the confidence to insult my course and compare me with her daughter.
Gosh, what does that girl have to say? All that she knows is to gossip and make judgment toward people she hates.
"Go to my office so you can find out where you will do OJT." And just like that, she left the classroom.
It's our second semester and as I expected, we will only be doing OJT as well as our Feasibility Studies... which are individual. It's quite hard but with a little more patience, I will be able to graduate. Although this is not my dream course, I still want to appreciate the hard work I put in just to finish this degree.
And somehow, to make my father proud of me.
"Irene, don't I have free soft drinks there?" I should be out of the classroom, but Harold doesn't seem to have forgotten that I still owe him.
I laughed softly. "It's just soft drinks, huh."
"Go with a cheeseburger for lunch." I just nodded to him before we headed to the cafeteria.
My budget is still enough to treat him snacks and to buy soft drinks for myself. He even asked me why I didn't buy a burger for myself too... Well, I don't want my budget to be cut short.
"Why are you late for school now? You never used to be like that, eh."
"Books keeps me awake late at night," I excused myself.
But the truth is... my work keeps me working late at night. Because I'm always on the night shift, I go in at five o'clock, then go out at twelve o'clock in the morning. I was just able to go home and rest---that is if we don't have a pile of work to do.
Then in the morning, every time I come in, I spend my time commuting to school. I’ll walk out of our village and wait for a jeep until I reach the campus. We have a car, however, the case is that Aunt Gretchen would never dare allow me to use our car. She and Stacy are the only ones who have the right to use it... it’s like they are treating me like I'm not part of the family.
"You're still addicted to that," he said, chuckling. "I’m gonna go ahead, huh? Maybe my girlfriend was waiting for me at the gate. Be careful when you get home!"
I just followed Harold walking away from me. Four years of having him as a classmate, I'm not going to deny the fact that I once admired him... secretly. I never let him know my feelings for him because I knew it was far from the truth that he would like me back.
Now that he already has a girlfriend, the pain I'm suffering before has all vanished. Because I learn to accept that we are not meant for each other. That acceptance became my medicine to heal my broken heart.
—
Since it was still early before going to work, I went home to our house to hopefully fill my stomach. I didn't have breakfast this morning because I didn't have any rice to eat. Then a while ago I saved Harold the money that I was supposed to use to buy myself some foods to eat.
I was expecting to replenish my starving stomach... but like this morning I didn't get any rice. No rice and no side dishes.
"They didn't eat?" I asked at the back of my mind.
My own question was answered when I saw what they ate in the trash. They just ordered food from FoodPanda, they didn't even think of ordering me since I hadn't had anything to eat this morning.
Aunt Gretchen is really thoughtful.
"Yes, Mommy!" When I passed by the living room, Aunt Gretchen and Stacy came in just in time, carrying a large paper bag.
Looks like they squandered money for their worthless luxury again.
"I guess you're out early?"
"Auntie, why did you buy nonsense luxuries more than you would have bought rice so that I could eat something?"
"Are you ordering me around, Irene?"
I shook my head. "I'm just asking a question."
"We've spent all your money already." Stacy snorted in front of me. "Can you just use your money for now and buy grains of rice?"
"Are you even serious-"
"If you want to eat, buy food. There are many dishes there, you just buy food you eat." Aunt Gretchen poked my forehead. "Don't try my patience, huh? What I don't like is that you criticize me, you think that's how much I owe you. Don't wait for me to get angry. Get moving!"
They both left in front of me, while I was left stunned. Maybe because I was so annoyed with them, I just left the house. How can I buy grains of rice, when I have nothing. I will never spend the money I saved on my piggy bank. That's all I have!
Where I landed, I don't know. When I saw a chair, I approached it to sit down. I covered my face with my palms, letting the tears fall. I don't know if I did something wrong to be punished like this. My life with my father is perfectly fine even though my mother is gone.
It only started getting complicated when he met those witches. I've been fully content in my life before... but why isn't Papa? We were happy then, even if it was just us, why did he need to get married again?
"Hi." A giant teddy bear approached me to give me attention. With his shrill voice, my lips curved into a smile. "You're sad?"
I quickly wiped my face. "Before... not until you approached me."
"Because I'm cute, right?" My smile widened when I heard his shrill laugh.
"If you don't mind, can I ask why you're wearing that? It's so hot, you're not getting to feel hot?"
"I don’t care about the warmth this costume makes me feel as long as I can accomplish my goal... to make someone as sad as you happy."
I bowed down. I didn't expect that there are people like him who are willing to make an effort just to make others happy. The world is full of sad people... and I'm truly grateful that a person like him/her still exists.
"You? What is your objective in life?"
What exactly? Do I have a goal in life besides breathing to live?
"To sustain my family's needs." I smiled bitterly.
I don't even want Aunt Gretchen for Papa, but I respect Papa's decision to remarry. Even against my will, I accepted them and considered them family. Yes, I hate them for mistreating me as if they don't know me, but opposite to my side. Like Papa said, they are my family. But I hope they... treat me like family too.
"Don't you have a dream for yourself?"
I looked at him, smiling defeated. "When people are satisfied with their lives, should they still dream?"
"If you are satisfied with your life now, why are you sad?"
He hit me with that counterattack. Of course, right? What fool would say that she is satisfied with her life when she is so wrapped up in sadness?"Whether or not you are satisfied with your life, you can dream because that is one thing that will give you the motivation to live... and the joy when it comes true.""Dreaming is free, so don't be mean to yourself. Live for yourself, not for others. You were not born to serve them, because you lived in the world to find something that will make you happy before you even die. Human life is short, are you going to waste your life just to serve others?""It's not bad to have a goal for yourself... because I believe the real joy is when you achieve your goal."After saying that, he left. Instead of feeling sorry for myself in my current situation, I feel more sorry for the person inside that gigantic mascot. He will waste a lot of sweat just for his goal of making people happy.But seriously, I owe that person a gratitude. Somehow I was encour
When I finally got inside my room, I was about to go to the bathroom to take a shower when I noticed something... those posters I collected from different entertainments that I was supposed to be auditioning for, why are they torn?I picked them up one by one, banging on Aunt Gretchen's room. "Who tore these?!"Stacy raised her hands. "Me."I was about to attack her with great anger when Aunt Gretchen blocked me from doing so. "Have you forgotten what I told you earlier?"I looked at her. "Who the hell are you for me to follow you? You're not even my mother, so you have no right to rule my life!”I received another slap from her. "You have no manners, stupid! Have my hands no longer giving you pain, so now you are being brave?!”"You ruined my dream," I murmured. "Your daughter ruined my dream, do you know that?! They are very important to me because listed here are the contact numbers and addresses of the talent agents I am aiming to look for... but now that they are in disrepair, how
"My instinct is functioning really well and great. I really knew I would find you here.” A man came, I felt him sit next to me. "Have you come from Miss Fiona's?"I nodded. "You?""I just got back too. Where were you deployed?"“Amana Beach and Resort.”“Same!” He grabbed my arm. "Irene, we share the same place. I’m going to fetch you everyday at your house, so you won’t be late. How’s that sound?”I just laughed at him before shaking my head. "It's a hassle for you to pass by our house. Your journey will take too long. I can handle myself, I'll just limit reading online books, so I don't stay up late anymore.""Are you sure you don't want to come with me? Even going home?”I shook my head. “Not anymore, Harold. I can handle myself. I'm sure I'm used to going home alone…”And it looks like I'm about to get used to living alone as well."It's up to you," he said. "But you know, I'm excited for next week. My excitement doubled because you are the one who will be there with me," he added
"Girlfriend?" Harold and Celine, and I asked the man who suddenly appeared.I also got confused because I don't know him so why would he just say that I am his girlfriend? Is this man crazy?"Excuse me--"He smiled at me. "Let's go?" He held my hand and was about to drag me out there but he stopped. He looked at Celine while being calmed. "Make it a hobby to listen to your boyfriend's explanation before jumping to conclusions, huh?"And we walked away from that place... Still he's holding my hand. As much as I wanted to walk away from this strange man, I couldn't. I lost my strength because of what happened, my brain just couldn't process things easily as of the moment."Thank me later," as he stopped from walking, he started talking. "I deserve it, don't I?""Why did you do that?" I went straight to the point. "I don't even need your help, so why did you do that? We don't know each other in the first place, so what right do you have to interfere in my life?"“Is that the way you than
"They’re saying I’m brave enough to accept the fact that the man I used to admire won't really like me. It's pretty normal to feel pain at first, trying to accept the reality that the man you like doesn’t feel the same as you, believe me that shattered my heart into pieces. But the central idea here is that when I accepted his rejection towards me and learned to accept that we were not meant for each other, I began to be determined to change myself.""Upon realizing the things that I should eradicate in my life, I changed for the better. I've been rejected once but I'm still thankful because that happened… Because that was the way for me to find a man who can accept me completely. Being able to love the real me... The old me, and the new me," Delancy said with a smile.Did they approach me on purpose? To lecture me about rejection. If that's the case, I owe these two a thank you. Indeed, people tend to learn from others' experiences… And because of what they both said, I learned anoth
I smiled a little. I didn't expect that I would suddenly feel good about Israel. Maybe his confession to me that he was my secret admirer helped, so I stopped being mean to him. He looks like a sensible man... And maybe I'll just wait for the day to come when, through his old-fashioned courting style, I'll fall for him.I don't think it would possibly happen... But I don't want to spearhead destiny."Who is that man I saw here earlier?" I was about to enter the gate, only to be greeted by Stacy's surprised face. Obviously, she's referring to Israel. "Who's that guy, Irene?"I raised my left eyebrow at her, giving her a bored look. "Why do you even care?""Of course, I care!" she exclaimed. "Because that guy looks familiar."Israel looks familiar to Stacy? Do they know each other?"You're not answering my question, Irene! Who is that man?!"I came back to my senses when Stacy spoke again. All I can do is to stare at her blankly, finding the right word to utter at this moment."Whoever
"Are you a service crew here?" she asked, very amused. "Are you a working student?"I immediately looked away, I felt like she was insulting me by the way she said those words. This is one of the disadvantages of being a working student... When your acquaintances or classmates see you working.Never did I imagine that it could also possibly happen to me. That feeling when Celine saw me struggling to wipe the tables, I felt insulted. I felt downgraded."Irene," she mentioned my name again. "Look, I'm just asking you a question, but I didn't mean to offend you. Well, the answer to the question is obvious, so why did I bother to ask anyway?" She laughed at her own statement. "I'm sorry if I ever stepped on your ego. But seriously, I'm not here to poke fun at you.""Of course, you're here to order a meal, aren't you?" I faked a smile. "Can I take your order?""Irene…" She held my hand. "I want to apologize for what I did to you last time. I was just so angry when I saw you and Harold toge
"Is that funny?" Now he is the one who is getting mad at me. "I'm just saying, Irene... Stop working. You’re living in such a pretty and huge mansion, so why do you need to work? You look rich-""I work for myself. Is that bad? When you can afford all expensive goods or you’re rich, you're not allowed to work?""Unless you have a deeper reason for doing that," he said. "You must have thought I had forgotten your confession to me before... When I was still Teddie, The Teddy Bear.""I think it's my obligation to provide for my family's needs," since he already unleashed what I’m trying to hide, I stopped from telling lies. "Let’s cut the superstition that parents are responsible to provide what their children need forever. They’re job won’t last long. It's too early, but I think this is the perfect time for me to hand over money to them.""Almost two years ago, I decided to combine studying with working... 'Cause I think I have to. My life was not easy, but look at me now, I am survivin