11

Vomiting is the only thing I can do at the moment. I feel my stomach wanting to come out of my throat especially when I breathe in, without meaning to of course, the smell that remains in the toilet.

I fall down next to the toilet and raise my arm to cover the toilet and flush it to get rid of the smell. I stay like that for minutes, lying down looking at the toilet pipe thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Isn't Los Angeles supposed to be my new beginning? Isn't the journey here supposed to be a rite of passage to forget everything and be a new person?

Hell, it even had a new name.

My old name, Antoniett Bouvier-Corfin, was a tribute to my parents, their love, Antônio Corfin and Violett Bouvier. They are no longer here and neither is their love, I didn't think it was wrong to change, especially because whenever they call me by that name I remember them, what they built and what they destroyed.

Annie Mauve-Collins is better, simpler and with little references t