My day was too good.Weird because I had only known Nicholas for just a day or just hours but I felt like I had known him forever. I didn't want to jump into conclusions and compare him to Eric or Robbie because fact is he had not made any advances or asked me out. He was just genuinely a nice fun person, I admired heat of imagination and mental excitement. When I said I was avoiding Eric... I really meant it. After I was done with my shift at five pm, I went to Laura and Sam's apartment. Sam was mad and grumpy because apparently I ruined another... session. I wasn't sorry about it, Sam was an ass and one way or another this was put back for all the times he snatched my bestfriend and made her not show any interest to hang out with me or call me because she was booed up. I mentally rolled my eyes at the thought, being friends with someone who is in relationship not just any relationship but a serious relationship is annoying. Sometimes I felt like hitting Sam with my shoes whenever h
It was around six pm when we finished with the dress fitting. Personally I didn't like the bridesmaid dresses. It's as if Addie wanted us to look super horrid that way the whole spotlight would be on her. Don't get me wrong, it was after all her wedding but I didn't like my dress. I felt very uncomfortable because unlike Elishama, Laura and Mal... it shaped every meander of my body. As the years had went by, I always avoided wearing tight clothing or dresses because it grabbed attention that I didn't want. Laura thought, in fact they all thought I looked great but I didn't feel that way. I felt out of place. Maybe my insecurities were getting the best of me. I had to convince myself that it wasn't about me, it was about Addie and Jeremy. I shouldn't be a drama queen about a dress shaping my body...By eight pm, we were at Addie's hangout. I never quite caught the name of the bar so far as I can remember; it always was Addie's hangout amongst friends and family. Not that our parents ev
Eric - I was trying on my tux when my phone started ringing. Hooray, we definitely know who calls around this time because of the prison schedule. You could call me ungrateful because she is the reason why I didn't spend four years max in prison. It wasn't my fault and I won't take the blame for it. I didn't put a gun to her head, she did it because she loves me and that's what happens when you fall inlove kids. You become a fool, might as well dress up as a fucking clown while at it. She did it willingly and I suppose I do owe her. Sometimes I love and care about her and sometimes I'm just extremely annoyed, irritated with her. I haven't seen her in years, totally my fault. I don't like stuffy prisons, if I go there, I know I will feel worse. My conscience will get to me and I don't like having a conscience at all. I like to push that away considering I'm a compulsive liar. I don't like thinking about the consequences my actions may have on people. I only think about me and my back
I purposely woke up earlier than her so i could watch her sleep and feel like the luckiest jerk in the world. She actually wanted me? This beautiful woman wanted me! She had not said it back as in 'Ich liebe dich' or 'I love you' but i respected that. I respected that she was still thinking about this as much as i was and figuring it out. Deep down, i knew this was just an excuse... figuring what out you may ask? I was well aware that i wanted Leona in every way possible but then there was Debby. My feelings for her were mutual maybe when i actually see her all my feelings will just come right back or not. Maybe not, maybe i just want to be with Leona then there's the thought that I felt this way about Leona because I was lonely? Felt needy? I honestly don't know. I was a confused cockroach and i was just dragging Leona into my pit of misfortunes. I am selfish enough to do that... selfish enough to not let her go be with someone who actually wants to stay with her... for as long as i
"You know Eva right?" I nodded before realizing she couldn't see me, how stupid!"Yes, of course. Dee." I replied trying really hard to be enthusiastic about this conversation but it just wasn't in me. I bailed myself by walking around the pool with one hand in my back pocket, kicking a few stones here and there. From afar, I could see Leona through the sliding door playing with the twins. It was a really cute scene, my heart warmed up to that. It felt like we were our own little family. It was like a trial on how we would somehow act as parents one day. I found it really weird that I was actually opening up to growing up. Growing up, finding my girl... and well-Settling down.Shit yeah, settling down. I suppose when you meet someone who makes you feel a certain way, you just don't want to wait. You want everyone to know that they're with you and for a jealous freak like me; a fucking huge rock on her finger would be the official it, to chase these perverts away."One of the guards
I stared-and stared. Looked intently. Leona came back last night, Sam drove her home. I didn't expect her to since she said she wasn't coming home. I got a little more time to talk to her mom, her dad had went straight back to work after their little vacation with Marissa and Frank. She had been giving me a cold shoulder ever since she found out that I was sleeping with her angel. She saw me as a bad guy. I practically was. I explained to her about my past and right there after she understood how and why I felt a certain way about the topic HIV. She was so consoling as she apologized about how ill-formed she had acted towards me. She even suggested a book for me to read, she said something along the lines 'it will give you inner healing to forgive your father and accept the things you couldn't change.' I read it through out the night, I didn't have much to do. She was right, it was actually good. I felt a tad bit better and less angry. I still hated him but this book gave me a dif
Tall.Dark curly hair.Smartly trimmed stubble.Strong built.There was no denying that we were related. Absolutely no way! We both resembled our fathers more than our mothers. "Oh hi Luka!" Leona said but Luka immediately pulled her in for a hug, I felt jealous. I felt uncomfortable."Traffic was just so bad, hope you didn't wait long." She asked with concern, one thing I loved about Leona. She was such a giver, always caring about the next person instead of herself and her own needs. "No no no, I wait ten minutes only now." Luka said excitement clearly vivid in his voice. I was watching their exchange from afar. I leaned against the car with my arms crossed. I didn't want to seem excited. I just wanted to look like 'whatever, I don't care.' "You're so beautiful, I don't think my brother could get such beautiful girl." Luka teased and I held back a sneer. What was that supposed to mean? "Thank you so much Luka." "You're just so glowing almost like you carry-" Leona immediately
Why did it feel like my life was falling apart? Was it. Maybe this was the beginning of something good. Something great, something that will change my life forever. There were five things I had learnt during the past two and a half months with Eric or just from being with Eric. 1. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean they're obligated to love you back. 2. You don't plan, never plan, live as the day goes by. You're in control but never fully in control of your fate. 3. Unplanned pregnancies are not always dreadful, if you have the right support system. 4. You can't and cannot choose who you want to fall in-love with. It's as if your heart has a mind of its own, you just follow the way as it leads. 5. Pushing someone away is harder than it seems. It's true what they say, if you love something set it free..After puking my guts out for the second time this morning , I looked at myself as I brushed my teeth on the mirror. This is really my life? This is really me. I'm going