The backwoods have always been my safe place. After a hunt with my dad, I would come here and relax. It was the best place on earth to be...to calm and chill. I remember cleaning my gun on that bench. Zander sits down on my sacred bench. I'm not sure how to feel. The pretense of Aiden and I was all a con to get Zander's attention. I fear Aiden will want it to go on for longer than a week or two. Aiden and I have gone on a few dates these last few weeks. And I have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed eating food and laughing with him. I have enjoyed his company. It's been more than pretense at times. But now that I have Zander's attention, I don't know what the fuck to do. "Why am I here, Zander?" I know it's stupid to ask. I'm the one who wanted to chat with him in the first place. I'm the one who wanted Zander to hold me forever. I fell into the arms of another man to get to this conversation in the woods. Well played, Ashley..."I think you know."His eyes look at me the way they did thi
It's good to be around Steph. She's a breath of fresh air. She's more like me than Brit ever will be. I'm the tomboy, and Steph is the punk. She's almost goth without being emo about it. She still wears all black and has her hair straight down her back. As we get in my car, I see the purple and red streaks in her hair. She has a spider web tattoo on her wrist. I'm sure it's real. Her mother was always into letting Steph do whatever she wants to her body. "So tell me about Aiden?" "Well, he's a hot soccer player now. His hair is curly and blonde. He's tall. He's sexy.'"Gross. I get the picture.""Steph, there's a lot I need to tell you. Could you and I have a sleepover this weekend?" "Sure, will Brit be there?" "No, just you. I want one with just you. Brit knows all about boring old me.""Is there something going on that you don't want her to know about?""Well...." I don't even bother finishing that sentence. "Got it. Sure, I can come over, just like old times. You always did k
In life, we all have roles to play. Lover, musician, teacher, athlete, daughter, son, or friend. We all have a story in this wonderful thing called life. There are many paths to take, many what-ifs to follow. And sometimes not enough reason to go on. My life is a path with a two-way fork in the middle. The trail for Aiden is straight, predictable, and as clear as glass. The path for Zander is covered by thornbushes, with twists and turns in the road. Zander gave me a choice. It's time I talk to Aiden. But first, I need to be a good friend and be there for Brittany. I've always been there for her. I wish she could be there for me. Stephanie Burnham coming back into my life was no accident. It was fate intervening on my behalf. Steph and I get out of the car. We knock on the Hogan's large door. Mrs. Hogan answers. Luckily, it's a Friday night. I'm sure a sleepover is in my future. I wanted a sleepover with just Steph. Unfortunately, Kyle had to break up with Brit at the worst possibl
Kissing is a crime when it involves a triangle. I kissed Zander, and I can't deny it. We kissed, and now I'm more confused than I have ever been. I want to be with Zander. I want to be with Aiden. I have cheated on both with the other. I'm confused and new to the game. I'm in the game, and I don't know how to play by the rules. My parents didn't teach me these rules. They technically don't want me to date until college. Something to do with my mother's questionable past. I get it. They don't want me to repeat some shallow high school love triangle that my mother lived through. But the history in my family is here, repeating itself before my eyes. And the worst part is. I'm still confused. At my core, I want Zander. I want him and everything he stands for. He was there from the beginning. Aiden, on the other hand, is easy. He is not off-limits, and people now recognize us as a couple. I pull away from Zander. "I can't do this. You told me to take my time and gave me space. Well, I
Two weeks pass. I never met Zander in the woods. I haven't spoken with Brittany in ages. The Hogan twins have kept their distance from me, and it's for the better. There's nothing wrong with letting go, as long as moving on is the ultimate goal. And for me, that is the only option. I have been lonely these past two weeks. Other than Aiden's company, I've been alone. The raccoons in our house have taken over once again. I found myself talking with one last night. I think I saw Meeko. He still misses Rocket. Stephanie has ignored me. Not that it matters, though. I haven't seen her in years. We didn't talk much during that time. It's not like I was used to having her in my life anymore. Lunch in high school is about peer pressure. I grab my lunch. The milk is pink today. Strawberry milk is disgusting. It makes my stomach ache. I grab apple juice instead. I gran two sub-sandwiches. As I pay the cashier, I realize I have no one but Aiden to sit with. And if he dumps me, I am truly alon
Aiden takes me to the ballet studio. I blush and giggle inside. So this is what it feels like to fall for a guy. Zander is in the back of my head. He will always be there. My first crush will always live in my memory. We didn't date, but he left his magic on me. And magic lasts forever. The memory of Zander is there, but I won't let it spoil my feelings for Aiden. The dance studio is larger than the one at Stanford. This is Concord Heights, and the walls are made of gold, and angels enchant the hardwood floor. The dancers of Concord Heights go on to study at Julliard. I would be honored to be among them. My ankles feel the footwork within. I remember plies and pirouettes. I can sense them in my ankles and toes. My accident came with a price; the ticking bomb in my ankle is my tumor. My foot tumor is painful. My parents spent thousands of dollars to have it removed. It came back with a silent vengeance. Vengeance stole my talents and dreams from me. I'm a dreamer without a dream. A
I've agreed to be Madame Claire Dumont's newest student. The truth of these words hasn't hit me yet. It hasn't struck me yet. I'm still not sure my body is capable of dancing. My ankle hurts and aches. I've worn a mask to hide this pain for a long time. Pain killers no longer work for me. Their effects are for everyone else. Everyone else is stronger than me. They can hold out and embrace their pain. I've let it turn me bitter. Sometimes I blame my asshole ways on the drugs that I take...it's the person I am now—the person I'm supposed to be staring back at me in the mirror. My pain has ended my various friendships. I wasn't there for Brittany when Kyle ended their long bullshit relationship. Maybe I should have been there, so I have someone to celebrate this victory with. Instead, I have Aiden Buckland, the man I'm falling for but don't know how to tell. He knows I like him. But he doesn't know how much. He doesn't know how much he means to me. How much his kindness has jump-start
Our date was amazing. Fireworks live within me. With each handhold and touch, new colors burst out of me. "You look happy this morning?" Mom says. I haven't spoken to my mother in ages. Not really. She's been off in her own little world. She goes to work early and comes back late. "Do I?" "Are you and Aiden still dating?" Dad interrupts."Yes, daddy. We're still dating. It's only been a month or so.""Well, keep that smile on your face in check," Dad warns as he leaves. Dad has a problem with me dating boys. "Zander came by here looking for you. How is Brittany? You haven't seen her in ages. How is she?" Mom asks.Now I'm annoyed. I don't want to talk about Brittany. I don't want to think about her and Kyle. "We aren't friends anymore, mom."It sounds awful when I say it out loud. I was tired of being under her control. Is that so wrong? Is it wrong to let go? I never knew how to let go, how liberating it truly is. Letting go of Brittany took courage. Courage I didn't know I ha