My college paper is killing me. I haven’t been able to sleep properly in days, and I haven’t been able to write two pages of everything I need. That job irritates me to the point where I actually consider it more serious to drop out of college.— Hi, love. - says Carlos, entering the room. He puts his hand on my shoulder and goes to the bathroom.— Okay?—No, it is not. - I reply, angry, closing the file. — Right is not for me.— Why do you think that? - Asks Carlos in the bathroom.— Because I can’t do anything they ask me to do. I find everything boring...- I shout for him to listen. I bite my lips while I think about the idea I had during those days.— I think it’s best to drop out of college.— What? - asks Carlos, emerging from inside the bathroom and stopping at the door. — Why are you giving up your course?—Because I don’t think it’s for me… I don’t know… things are getting complicated, and I don’t … I’m not good at it.—Dahlia. - says Carlos, turning my chair and looking at my
Four months later...Over time, we became accomplices, and every day my feeling for Mr. X increased. His words warmed me and made me happy.Mr. X says:I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you yesterday. To make up for it, a poem."You’ll know that I don’t love you and that I love yousince in two ways is life,the word is a wing of silence,The fire is half cold.I love you to start loving you,to restart the infiniteand to never stop loving you:so I don’t love you yet.I love you and I don’t love you as I havein my hands the keys of fortuneand an uncertain fate, unfortunate.My love has two lives to love you.That’s why I love you when I don’t love youand that’s why I love you when I love you."Pablo Neruda.As much as I didn’t want to admit it: I’m addicted to Mr. X. He always gave me good morning and good night, always kept himself present, and when he could not, always found a way to talk to me.Mr. X says:Good night, Doce.Dahlia Penedo Salazar says:Good night to you, Mr. X.Mr. X
2009Carlos' arms embrace me, scaring me. I look at the clock, and it’s already nine in the morning, making me happy to know that he was still in bed with me. He smells my hair and kisses my ear, saying:—Good morning, love. I love you.—Good morning... I love you too. - I reply, turning to face my husband’s face. I touch his hair and say, smiling. — I’m glad you’re still here… I thought you were going to the company.—No. - says Carlos, kissing the tip of my nose. — They’re not really needing me that much. So I guess you’ll see me around here more.—Really? - I ask without believing. I hug my husband and say. —Great! If this is a good thing.—Yes, I think so. – says Carlos. — It’s always good to be with you, Dalia. And even if they didn’t give me a little rest, I would manage. I miss being with you.—I also. - I reply with a voice embargoed.—I miss you very much.— I want to be like we were, can you try with me? - asks Carlos, running his fingers through mine.—Of course I do. - I an
About a month later…That had been the first relapse, but not the last. I had many after that. We were like a powder fuse. We didn’t always need a reason to light everything up. The worst for me was not the relapses, but the feeling that was in me after the “jokes” I did with X. It is a mixture of passion with guilt that corroded me inside. To kill the guilt, I seduced my husband, who considered me the perfect wife, since he had sex every day and in various ways.As much as I wanted to get away, even more I was close to X. Things are never as we want, and I’m the living proof. Each day, I felt more involved in that plot that I caused: I loved my husband, but I am hopelessly in love with Mr. X.I was looking for a way to put a stop to everything and take the reins of the situation. I really believed that once I went on vacation, I would take care of all that, but that only meant more free time with Mr. X, which was my undoing. Every good day and good night, every “joke”, second intenti
The worst mistake I ever made was leaving my phone at home. As much as my body was there, my mind wandered around the room, waiting for Mr. X to call me. I barely touch my food. My anxiety does not let me at least pay attention to Carlos who moves his lips constantly, showing being nervous. If I was paying attention, I’d say my husband’s about to tell me something.— Dalia? - calls Carlos, making me wake up. — I did not bring here only for his birthday. I know it’s the most important thing today, but I have something to say.He calls the waiter, who hands me a glass of champagne for me and another for my husband, arousing my curiosity.— There were some rumors in the company, but nothing concrete until the meeting this morning.- says Carlos smiling. — Dalia, I’m the new partner of the company! We are partners!— Oh, my God! - I exclaim, surprise. — Congratulations! I’m very happy to know! How great, my love.—We will finally buy the apartment of our dreams. - says Carlos, happy. — Let
2010With the promotion of Carlos, we decided to buy our ideal apartment. We went all over Barcelona after him, but there was always something that displeased me, or him.— This apartment is a bit more expensive, but it’s worth it. I assure you. - says the broker, opening the door to another apartment. — Welcome to the future home of the couple Penedo Salazar.As soon as the door opened, Carlos' chin went to the floor with the huge white room that emerged.— Two rooms, dining room, kitchen, pantry, service area, room for employees, three bedrooms, one suite, two washrooms, one guest toilet and two garages. If I may say so, it’s the best apartment you’ll find in Barcelona.I walk all over the space analyzing everything, under the eyes of the broker I’m sure must think I’m the bitch of real estate. The first room is very good, the second room found the space poorly used. After looking at the two rooms is to open the balcony. Nearby I already had the kitchen I did not like, it is not ai
Three months later…Needless to say, Project Son has not yet given the expected result and only pushed us further away. Carlos became obsessed with pregnancy, and all he talked about was it. He controlled my ovulation, the positions we should do and when we should. Sex became something planned and mechanical. I saw in Carlos' eyes the disappointment as the months went by. And all this only made me more stressed, frustrated and anxious. Especially when our friends began to get “pregnant”. Mr. X ended up becoming my support to overcome all that tension.Mr. X says:Good morning, Doce. How are you?Dalia Penedo Salazar says:Not well. The same problems as always, X. Sorry for not entering last night, we are trying to have the baby still and yesterday was the day to try the baby.Mr. X says:I know how it is, I’ve been there. When I realized I wouldn’t be on time, I decided to go to the RLC’s new club’s opening party.When I read that, my blood boils. Mr. X should be just mine and not be
About a month later...Summary of my life: I am not pregnant yet, I do not talk to Mr. X who has already gone to Switzerland, and I continue to go to college. Or rather, pushing with the belly. As much as I loved doing the works of my house, I found that deep down it was just a distraction from my studies. I’m going into the fifth semester, and I’m becoming more and more convinced that I’m not going to be a lawyer.Regarding pregnancy, Carlos and I agreed that as soon as my classes were over, we would make an appointment to find out why we do not have a child yet. And so it was, I went on vacation, and we made the appointment.— Welcome. - says our doctor, extending his hand to both of us and then pointing to the chairs. We sit down, and he asks: — What is the reason for the consultation?— We have been trying to have a child for a long time, but we are not succeeding.- explains Carlos. — She does not take the pill, and we do not use condoms. So we’re concerned that we can’t hav