Chapter 5

I stood still. Nakaawang pa rin ang aking bibig matapos niyang sabihin iyon. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Tatakbo ba ako o aalis? Yayakapin ko ba siya kasi nagseselos siya o hindi?

My mind was always in chaos when he's around.

What he said still blew my mind. Nagpakawala naman ako ng isang malalim na hininga. I couldn't find the right words to say.

"B-Brent..."

"Sobra ka naman ata, Yna. Lagi mo akong tinataboy okay lang sa 'kin. I know it's my fault to begin with, pero 'wag naman ito." I bit my lower lip.

"W-What do you mean?"

"Don't hang out with that man." may pagbabantang tinig nito.

"Asher is my friend," sabi ko.

"I don't care, Yna! Will you please stay away with him? Magagalit ako Yna. Magagalit ako. You don't know what I'm capable of." My jaw dropped with what he said. He sound so possessive.

"Teka nga, Brent. Hindi pa tayo kung umasta akala mo boyfriend kita!"

"Iyon na nga, I told you we could be together. Bakit ang hirap mong tanggapin 'yun? I told you I didn't mean what I did before."

"Do you think that would be easy, Brent? Hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin,"

"Then let me help you heal it. I was the one who inflicted your pain, I should be the one to also help you remove the pain."

"Brent kasi... Could you give me more time to think?"

"Okay. I understood. I'll wait. I'll patiently wait..." He walked away. I took a deep breath.

Bakit gano'n na lang sa kanya kadali ang lahat? Ang hirap kalimutan ng ginawa niya. It's hard to live with the guidance of the past especially when it haunts you most of the time. The pain, inhibitions and anxieties are still too difficult to handle.

Binagsak ko ang sarili ko sa couch pagkarating ko sa bahay. "Kuya." I called him when I saw him coming out from his room.

"Okay ka na?"

"Yeah," he replied. He was really drunk yesterday. I wonder what happened.

"Kuya, si ate Jenny?" Nakita ko ang pagbago ng timpla ng mukha nito.

"I don't know. And will you please not talk about her anymore?" he said heading back again to his room. What was that? I've never seen kuya so pissed off like that. Kahit pasaway ako, hindi naman ganyan kalala. Ano ba kasing nangyari?

The next few days were really hectic. Ang hirap mag-subsob sa pag aaral. The good thing about having a friend like Rashiel is that you won't be worried if your grades might flunk because she's always there to help you whenever you need her especially in academics.

Kuya was still not in a good mood. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mayroon bakit biglang naging ganoon si Kuya. Si ate Jenny, hindi ko rin macontact ngayon.

Brent has never talked to me since then. He's really trying so hard to keep his distance to me which was really good on my part kasi 'pag nandyan siya, mas lalong hindi ko kaya.

Ilang beses kong pinagsusuntok 'yung punching bag. Buti na lang, I have something I can do to vent out my frustrations or to kill the time especially when I'm not in the mood.

"I bet something happened."

"Yeah," I replied not looking and still focused on punching and kicking the punching bag with every strength I muster.

"You know you can talk to me, it's good to have someone you can talk to," I stopped for a moment and looked at Kuya Gino who's also busy doing push ups and sit ups.

Hinubad ko ang sparring gloves ko at umupo malapit sa boxing ring.

"Kasi, I'm really frustrated these past few days. Kuya's not talking to me and I'm pretty sure something bad happened and you know there's this guy..." I trailed off. Hindi ko alam kung pwedeng ikuwento 'to sa kanya. Hanggang ngayon nakakahiya pa ring ikwento na ako nanligaw.

Yes, that's an act of bravery professing your feeling but still there's a pang of sadness that's engulfing me whenever I think of the result of I've done.

Every decision bears a consequence, may it good ot bad, you just have to accept what you did.

In my case, I accepted but that's too much to bear. Ang hirap pa rin.

"Basta... nahihiya ako Kuya e."Naningkit ang mata nito nang bumangon pagkatapos magpush up.

"Is the guy you're talking about, the one who came here days ago?" he asked.

My forehead creased. "H-how did you know?"

"Just so you know, obvious 'yung lalaki. The way he steals glances, alam kong may iba na. 'Pag ang lalaki gano'n tumingin, may gusto sa'yo 'yun."

Hindi ko alam kung ngingiti ako o maiinis. Basta, ewan! Ang gulo ko. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kay Kuya Gino. Magulo pa kasi o ako lang talaga ang magulo.

"Follow your heart, Yna. Choose whatever makes you happy," he said tapping my shoulder. I sighed. Sana nga. I could follow my heart. I could stand for something that makes me happy but that's just too difficult.

Dumiretso na lang ako sa mall, birthday din kasi ni Rashiel bukas. I roamed around the mall. Pumili lang ako ng simpleng regalo. I know she'll be happy with this. Pagkatapos ko magbayad sa cashier, naglakad ako papunta sa isang fast food chain.

But then I stopped in awe as soon as I saw two people talking with each other. Naglipat ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa.

Wait. Totoo ba ang nakikita ko?

"Yna—"I immediately took the distance and looked at these two people in front of me with their hands locked at each other.

"He's Chase, b-boyfriend ko." Pakilala niya. Nalaglag ang panga ko at bumagsak ang balikat ko.

Paano na si kuya?

"Hi," bati nito. I awkwardly smiled. Nilahad nito ang kanyang kamay at tinanggap ko 'yun.

"I'm Yna." Pakilala ko. Nakita ko ang pagkailang ni ate Jenny.

"Dito na kami, Yna." Paalam ni Ate Jenny. Sinundan ko lang sila ng tingin habang papalayo sila.

Could that be the reason why kuya is not in the good shape? Hays. Ang hirap. Why love can't be easy? Alam ko mahal ni Ate Jenny si kuya tapos ngayon may bago na pala.

"Ba't nakabusangot 'yang mukha mo?" I turned to look at the person who spoke.

"Wala ako sa mood, Asher tantanan mo ako." Panigurado kasing hindi ako titigilan no'n. Napakatribida pa naman nyan.

"Ito naman nagtatanong lang, kaya ka hindi mag-kajowa."I glared at Asher.

"Tangina mo!" He laughed.

"Mukha ka pang dragon, Yna. Relax. Chill lang muna kasi," aniya. Hindi talaga 'to titigil mang alaska.

"Ewan ko sayo!" I walked away. I could even hear his laughs emanating the hallway.

Sa kakamadali ko nakabunggo na naman ako. Bakit ba lagi akong nakakabunggo? His chest was too strong. Muntik na akong mapatumba pero nagulat ako nang maramdaman ko ang yakap sa bewang ko.

"Careful," aniya. Tumayo ako nang maayos at tinanggal ang kamay niya na nakapalibot sa bewang ko.

"S-sorry..."

"Okay," he said, staring at me blankly then walked away from me. Tumalikod na lang ako at bumalik sa classroom ko.

I miss him so mad! Siya pa rin ang kayang gumulo sa sistema ko. Alam ko sa sarili kong mahal ko pa rin siya at sigurado pa rin ako hanggang ngayon.

It's always him who can wrap me around his fingers. The one who can bring storm and calm waves.

"Portillo."

"Portillo."

"Po?" My mind is still wandering around that I can't focus on the discussion.

Umayos ako ng upo at nakita ang propesor naming nanlilisik ang mata.

"Sorry po," yumuko ako. Hindi ko kasi nasagot 'yung tanong niya. Umuwi akong lutang. Ang hirap naman kasi kapag ganito na lagi siya ang iniisip ko. There was never a time where I could think of is him. What is he doing? Does he eat well? Is he sleeping properly? Baka naman nagpapalipas siya kasi subsob pa naman 'yun kapag pratice nila.

Argggh! I didn't know what to do. I took a quick bath and tried to drift myself in sleeping. Bigla kong naalala si Mama, kamusta na kaya siya roon?

Sabi niya pagkatapos kong grumaduate didiretso akong Canada para doon na rin magtrabaho. Hindi naman ako pumayag. I want to get a job here in the country. Although, I know the fact that getting jobs here is not easy but I still want to.

Wala si kuya kanina nang dumating ako. Hindi ko rin naman siya madalas nakakausap ngayon.

Bumagon ako at kinuha ang jacket ko sa cabinet. Lumabas naman ako at umupo malapit sa gate namin.

I gazed at the sky and somehow it lightened up my mood. The sky is really a proof that no matter how bad or worse your day is, you can still look at it and then it soothes your feeling. It may not take all the pain away. But somehow it helps you heave at peace.

I couldn't believe how God formed those magnificent little dots in the sky. I am always in awe with His creation.

Ilang saglit pa ay tumayo na ako. Pero agad akong napaatras nang makita ko ang isang pamilyar na bulto.

I gasped when he took the distance and hugged me. I was taken aback. I don't know what should I react. Agad akong kumalas sa yakap niya.

Nang makita ko siya ng malapitan, gano'n na lang ang gulat ko.

"What happened?" I asked. He didn't answer. Worry was written all over my face. I saw bruises on his face. Pati ang dugo nito sa labi ay hindi nakatakas sa mga mata ko. "Brent? Ano'ng nangyari?"

"I got into some fights," he replied like it didn't matter to him.

"Ano ka bata para makipag away?"

"Sort of."

"Baliw ka talaga. Pasok ka nga sa loob, gamutin ko 'yan." Pagkasabi ko no'n ay hindi naman nakatakas sa akin ang pagsilay ng ngiti sa labi niya. Sumunod naman siya sa loob. Umupo siya sa sofa. Dumiretso naman ako sa kusina para hanapin 'yung medicine kit. Pagkabalik ko nakita ko siyang malalim ang iniisip habang nasa ulo nito ang kanyang kamay. Bumalikwas naman siya at tiningnan ajo nang makita akong papalapit.

"What just really happened, Brent? You're not that type to get involved with some fight,"

He sighed. "Fine. 'Yung boyfriend ng kaibigan mo sinapak ako kanina."

"What?!" I gasped.

He nodded. "Yeah, nagselos yata."

Si Padua ata 'yung tinutukoy niya. Ang possessive naman niya! Whatever the reason was, he didn't need to be violent as that!

"Lapit ka nga." I instructed. He obliged and went closer. But I guess that's a wrong move. He's too close!

"A-Ano ba kasing nangyari?" Kinuha ko 'yung bulak na nilagyan ko ng alcohol at dinampi ko sa gilid ng kanyang labi.

"Hindi ko na kasi kaya."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't wait anymore, Yna," he said in a husky voice. "I've been trying to avoid you because you wanted it but... " He leaned closer until our eyes met. 

"L-lumayo ka nga..." I stuttered when I felt his body pressed to me.

Umiling lamang siya. "No." Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin. 

"Brent, I can't damn breathe!"

He drew a smirk. "That's good. That means I still have an effect on you huh."

"Baliw ka. Lumayo ka nga!"

His lips curled up in the both corners.

"I don't mind you throwing me a punch after this," he said before landing his lips on mine.